h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As an ACE you have to give helpful information about h2g2 to all newcomers. I don't see where any sort of trust issues happen with that. Unless you choose to get more personally involved with the newbie after the initial help post.

Sometimes it's clear that the 'newbie' isn't actually new to the site at all, in which case I reckon the first standard helpful post is all that's required.

az

As someone who has spent his life in helping others, both paid and voluntary you do tend to become somewhat cynical about people especially after my last role as a police officer. You believe no one until the evidence backs up whats been said or done and this sadly carries on into one's personal and social life at times. It also, after a life time of official "form filling" and "formal statement" taking, tends to make you come across as somewhat, formal,disbelieving,and at times direct to point of being blunt. I sadly fit this category which has caused me problems even here on HooToo at times. Having said that, those who know me well and in real life also know that I place honesty, loyalty, trust and integrity high on my list of "values" and any breach of these is unforgiveable in my view regardless whether it's online or in real life. I'm told that I'm too "open" at times and leave myself vulnerable to getting hurt, pschologically, especially when offering help or support to others.
Recent therapy sessions have placed me in the category of being a rescuer rather than one to be rescued. I don't, apparently, talk enough about my own ongoing health issues even to close friends and relatives and I certainly don't put much detail up online even here on H2.
You do learn from it but if it's in your nature to continue to offer help etc then chances are high you will end up at some stage being hurt more than once. Anyone that pretends to be ill, sick or dying in order to gain help and sympathy or just to get attention need the most help in terms of psychiatric treatment.There have been cases recently of people prosecuted and sent to jail who have done this and gained financially from well wishers donating to their cause usually starting with an online appeal.

Not *strictly* on topic, but...

Regarding the "not being oneself" online - I found out in real life that if you pretend to be someone you aren't, eventually it will backfire on you. When I came on here, I realised it would be much easier to be a different person - but then thought - why? I am myself here, you see me as I am, and as a result, I am able to be much more relaxed. By being like this, I have made some very dear friends. If you ever met me, the only difference would be the speed in which you got a reply from me. Oh, and I don't wear my "Captain Coffee Break" superhero outfit in real life.

On the main topic - my wife's gran died earlier this year. I found the support I received from my friends on Hootoo was very helpful. There were a few kind words, but mostly it was friends treating me normally, rather than pussy footing around me that helped me. If I needed a shoulder to cry on, they let me know they were there; the rest of the time, they provided normality, and a laugh, to get me through a troubled time.

Condolences to you and Mrs Moonhogg.

Another facet of this is someone with what might be called a 'rescuer' complex can exascerbate an issue with vague and misguided or blithely optimistic support. I was never sure in myself where the line was between wilful ignorance of someone's suffering, and being irresponsible with the help I genuinely wanted to offer; to the extent that I no longer have the internet at home. Loneliness and pathos are a difficult combination.

Abbi Normal put it once in a way that was of some relief to me. "People save or bury themselves. All you can do is give them the tools."

>>Sometimes it's clear that the 'newbie' isn't actually new to the site at all, in which case I reckon the first standard helpful post is all that's required.
<<

Except for the cases where it isn't clear, and your 'newbie' comes to your place and confuses the hell out of you until you eventually find out whose sock puppet you're talking to.

Eew, that does sound rather unpleasant, Bel.

Have you found that you've developed a kind of 'sock puppet radar' since becoming an ACE?

az

Yes, although I give everybody the benefit of doubt because I can't always be sure. The term 'Ace's paranoia' is a standing joke between me and a friend who I often ask for their impresssion when I've come across an 'odd' account

Bel,there's a way to spot "odd" accounts on h2g2?

All kidding aside, it's better not to get that involved. I've made some really good friends here, not a lot, but very good. I'd hate to think that we're all just being manipulated, but I guess I'd be most likely to just deal with it as it came.

Love that reference to "sock-puppets", btw, may use it on a political mb I'm on.

Moonhogg, for myself I know that I'm mainly referring to myself, disregarding husband, kids, families on both sides (of the world) etc. What you mainly get from me on this site is ME. I'm not lying or putting on a persona, as such, but this is also not what I talk about to my friends.
I've been on this site since 2000, so 7.5 years, and I have made good friends, and even found my husband here. But we're all aware of what the others inform us of, and without the additional emails I send to friends, that's all they would know in general. My journal refers only to what happens to me.
It's not done on purpose, it's just how I'm comfortable. And the same way you don't wear your superhero outfit in RL, so do I not mention h2g2 in RL to anyone but my husband, not because I'm embarrassed, just because the 2 don't mix with me much.