h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In tribute they wore sombreros and drank tequila,but moustaches

made of black licorice as it would be cruel to

deprive other species of hair. The El Mariachi snail lead

proceeded to strum his guitar, while simultaneously blowing into his

cigar, which strangely failed to stay alight. His beautiful mistress

on the other hand, kept her cigar alight by holding

a small scallop shell over the end to prevent it

from dipping into her flagon of draught beer. Around them,

a fiesta went on unheeded. Rebel Tribbles sat in corners

mumbling, scheming, plotting the over-throw of that elitist family named

Slugatista! Yes them stinkin' rotten no shells that stop

the beloved Mariachi from leading them to "FREEDOM!" (cue woad!)

(strains of "La Cucaracha" slowly infiltrate the film's soundtrack,)then

there was a sudden hush as General Slugoso and his

motley crew of henchmen slithered into view, "Madre mia amigos!

Hide the women, hide the children, hide the tequila first!

he cried, "I have never seen such a miserable crowd

in one place. Give me a slug." (of tequila!)

After throwing the shot back, his gaze fell on a

fascinating portrait of a beautiful young snail of aristocratic bearing,