h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ive been told you 'know' when its true love, but how?
How do you know if the things you are feeling arent infatuation or lust?
Should there be fireworks or does it creep up slow?
How do you know you are in love and not just feeling love for a good friend?
Your oppinions and experiences are badly needed please.
Thanking you in advance.

You just do.

I've fallen in love a few times and it was different each time.

Ive been told you 'know' when its true love, but how?
You feel sick and clammy whenever you hear their name or see them or even suspect you are going to see them
How do you know if the things you are feeling arent infatuation or lust?
Should there be fireworks or does it creep up slow?
To be honest I think Lust, infactuation etc are all embroiled in the love feeling - its lust with care and tenderness thrown in
How do you know you are in love and not just feeling love for a good friend? see above (lust and love)...wont feel that for a friend...well if you do maybe you should be more than friends...some friends make the perfect lovers
Your oppinions and experiences are badly needed please.
Thanking you in advance.

I went out with a lad of 21 when I was 15 - he was gorgeous - I fancied the pants of him - thought I was in love...it ended (badly)

Then met my now partner (been with him 24 years since 17) He was a friend, and then one day I had this odd sensation in my tummy when I was with him...so wanted him to kiss me - we were already great friends...and then we fell in love.

I think no one feels love in the same way. If you make each other happy and are not hurting anyone...then its wonderful...make the most of it.

Reminds me of that "Porridge" scene* where Fletcher explains to Godber about true love giving you a 'tingle in your loins'.

Godber: "Where's your loins?"

Fletcher: (speechless) "Well ... you know when you think about her,and you get a warm tingle?"

Godber: "Yeah"

Fletcher: "Well, where you get it - that's your loins".


(* paraphrased, as I don't remember it exactly)

You can’t imagine life without them.
You start to think of life in two blocks…the time before you met and the time after.
You would walk away if that was what they wanted because their happiness means that much to you.
I know it’s a cliché and everyone says it but you just know.

Can you tell us more about your situation or is it private madbeachcomber?

Hi famous fi! Long time no speak
This is a bit double edged, thats why I need a bit of advice. I dont want to do the old rebound relationship mistake.
For the last year my mariage of 20 years has just stoped working for me, long story, boring details, wont go into it.
Back in August I started chatting to a chap online, we got on well but I didnt think much more of it. Last thing I was looking for was a relationship. We met for a coffee in November and then our chats got longer and longer.
We met again a few weeks later, and saw each other last week for a few days too.
Several weeks ago I told my husband that I was unhappy and after giving it a lot of thought I was going to move out after new year because there was no way I could see of repairing our mariage. This decision was nothing to do with meeting this new chap, it was something that had been brewing for months.
Now this new guy is on my mind all day. We can chat about anything and everything, we share same tastes in many things. Hes kind and considerate and loving and thoughtfull, things Ive missed for a long time.He lives a distance away so the pc is our main link, and we spend many hours everyday chatting on here.
I really dont want to lead him on, because I know he is deveoping feelings for me and, I dont as I said, want to rebound onto him.
How do I know if its really love or just a passing thing? A rock to cling to in my mariage break up.

Personal experience alert. Look away now, if you like.

I was in my previous relationship for 13 years, we had two children. When my eldest (now 12) was 7 years old, I became dissatisfied, nothing specific, just a little narked. I went out to play darts for the team one Monday night, I was hit by a bolt of pure crystal clarity. A friend (whom I had known for 10 years), who was also on the team, was the man I wanted to spend my life with (ok I knew, how he felt about me, not that he'd ever said anything of course). I texted him the next day, and the next day (my sons 10th birthday - oh what timing, Maggie! ). We've been together for 4 1/2 years now, have a son of our own and are planning to get to married this year (something me and ex never planned to do, in fact actively avoided).I can't see myself ever leaving him (unless he wants to, but I can't see that happening either)

My point is, that 'clarity' can hit at any time, to anyone. when it does, grab it by both hands, you never can tell.




BTW, my ex and I are still on good terms, and even though there is no 'formal' care arrangement for the boys we have managed to sort it out amicably, between ourselves (but that could be because we are both flexible and remain good friends - but don't let that put you off doing what your heart is telling you )

There's no one definitive "test".

It can feel a bit like indigestion.

It can feel a bit like "Oh there you are!" when you first meet them, as if they'd just popped out to the shops, but really you'd been together your whole lives.

It can feel like you're incomplete when they're not there.

it would be interesting to see how a male viewpoint of being in love and a female one compare

OK, male view coming up.

How do you know you're in love?

Your brain turns to cheese and dribbles out of your ears, and you wander about with a stupid grin all the time.

Bitter, me? Oh all right then.



Sensible answer? In my experience it's different every time. Sometimes you find yourself counting how long it will be 'til you see them again, sometimes thinking of them fills you up with a burst of warmth that lasts all day. Sometimes, you can bear to be without them, but you can't imagine a world without them in it any more.

Trite? Yes. Sad? Yes. Unfortunately also true (in my experience).

I think "you just know" sums it up quite well. There are certain definable things that tend to point towards strong feelings for someone (missing them badly when they're not around tends to be one of the more well-known pointers) but generally people just know - it's a mixture of things.

I'd say look for the following:

*You miss them when they're not there
*You're oversensitive to their reactions to you
*You feel excited and apprehensive about meeting the person
*You think about the person a lot
*You feel a physical attraction to the person (this is a particularly good indicator if you've never felt this towards the person before)
*You crave approval from the person and feel that their approval is all that matters
*You've stopped taking a romantic interest in anyone else

Sometimes people also have a "revelation" moment where they were not entirely sure of their feelings and have them "confirmed" by their reaction to an event. This can be the person moving out of contact for a fairly long period, fearing the person is in trouble, falling-out with the person or the person having an interest in someone other than you.

>>Sometimes you find yourself counting how long it will be 'til you see them again, sometimes thinking of them fills you up with a burst of warmth that lasts all day.<<

and

>>*You miss them when they're not there
*You're oversensitive to their reactions to you
*You feel excited and apprehensive about meeting the person
*You think about the person a lot
*You feel a physical attraction to the person (this is a particularly good indicator if you've never felt this towards the person before)
*You crave approval from the person and feel that their approval is all that matters
*You've stopped taking a romantic interest in anyone else<<

Uh oh. Looks like BEG is in love.

Well looks like I might be in the same boat BEG...My feelings are fitting in nicely with what you are all saying.
Its just something doesnt seem quite right seems like something is missing...some spark...wish I could put my finger on it...

>Well looks like I might be in the same boat BEG...My feelings are fitting in nicely with what you are all saying.
Its just something doesnt seem quite righterm seems like something is missing...some spark...wish I could put my finger on it...

-

Hmmm. A few questions:

*Is this a person you know well?
*Is this a person you've known a long time (ie a couple of years or more)?
*Would you say this person is currently a friend?
*Do you suspect this person knows how you feel about them?

I dont think love in the terms people here are talking about it anyway.

I love sports, walks in the woods my dog and a whole heap of people.

This love that has got me out of bed, oout in the cold, seen me give away my time money and emotional energy has little to do with and rarely helps a relationship work between me and a significant other.

That kind of love has to grow from your own love of life.

You say that you have many common interests, which sounds great hopefully where your desires lead are to the same place it sounds like there's a lot of compatability right now but your passions might not always be convergent.

Im not agianst the concept of love but Ive never seen it for myself. ive watched two people I thought were lovely be horrible to each other when ther "love" for each other ran out.

The simple answer is does this person make you feel happy when apart and when together. When you disagree do you respect and even cherish the diffefrences. If you feel the same way about them in an argument as I do when I have to walk my dog in the rain, that its o big deal and Id like it another way but because of what you hold dear you'll deal with this> Then yeah go for it but if your love is only a fair weather thing myabe you should think again.

one love

Allow me to reply directly to the original question and thereby avoid any contradiction with others.

It's respitory.
Or maybe that's supposed to be respiratory.
Anyway it'll screw up your breathing.


~jwf~

Why do you need to know if it's true or not?
If you've already split from your ex, why can't you just 'see how it goes' ?
Anyway, back to 'what is love', in my experience, it takes so many different forms, that 'true love' could be long-lasting and secure, or fleeting and troubled, or any manner of other things. Also, it can change from one sort to another.In fact, it WILL change, so it's down to you two to make the best of it; it might end up as true, or not, but right now, just try to enjoy it.

You know, what puzzles me, is that you seem to know that the other person is in love with you ( ... because I know he is deveoping feelings for me...(madbeachcomber)) but you don't know what you feel towards him.
Maggie said: >>(ok I knew, how he felt about me, not that he'd ever said anything of course). <<
Just how can you be so sure about the other person's feelings, especially if they never said a thing? Shouldn't it be vice versa, that you know YOUR feelings, but are insecure about those of the respective other?

From Zagreb
Hmmm. A few questions:

*Is this a person you know well?
I know him very well in the sense that we have covered every subject imaginable. I know about his past, and his hopes for the future.We are very comfortable in each others company, we seem to 'fit' if that makes sense.

*Is this a person you've known a long time (ie a couple of years or more)?
We met online. We have spoken for many many hours, at least 4 hours every day sometimes as much as 7! But, we have only spent 6 whole days in each others company. We have been chatting since August

*Would you say this person is currently a friend?
Oh yes, a very good friend.

*Do you suspect this person knows how you feel about them?
Yes, I have mentioned it, because he says he is in love with me. He knows Im not sure of my feelings for him.. B'Elana that should answer your question too.

I think Im expecting fire works or something...but its not like that is it...

Just a few thoughts, since you ask;

- I personally have never felt fireworks. I have been told by people that I should get excited just to think that I am going to see my wife, or miss her whenever she is not there (which is the only time I get any peace) and stuff like that. I expect it's like that for some people, but it isn't for me. Don't worry if it isn't for you, that stuff isn't going to be the foundation for a long lasting relationship anyway, just a couple of top twenty ballads you could probably sell to Take That.

- For myself, I know I am more comfortable with Clare than anyone else, I would and can, talk to her about anything, about stuff I wouldn't ever talk to anyone else about. I am happy just being in her company without saying anything. I worry irrationally that something terrible will happen to her (I get very cross when she goes out without her phone, I panic). Two years ago she went into hospital for a kidney problem. I slept in the day room so she was on her own and I was terrified, because we did not know what was going to happen. For all that, I don't beleive in 'love at first sight' and I think you probably need to spend more time in each other's company to be sure. Don't let his declarations rush you into making your own mind up, if it happens, I think it is more likely you will realise it retrospectively, as it were, it will suddenly be, sort of, obvious. But don't worry about fireworks, some people have big, loud, hollywood emotions, and some people are Woody Allen.