h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm curious how little kids naughtily mangle Christmas songs in other lands.

Here in Idaho, the one I remember best is:

"Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg!
Batmobile lost a wheel,
and Joker got awaaaaayy"

Any other examples?

Wow I bet there are many variants on that! In the seventies here in Ireland they sang

Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin flew away
Wonder Woman burst her bra
And blew up the USA

and other versions of the same.

My 6 year old came home the other day with..

Jingle bells,batman smells,
Robin flew away,
Uncle Billy lost his willy on the motorway..

amazing the ineuendo that you can find in the ones that arn't adjusted

Deck the halls with sticks of dynamite, falalalala lalalala
Light the fuse, and watch them ignite, falalalala lalalala
Burn the school(house) down to ashes, falala lalala lalala
Aren't you glad you played with matches, falalalala lalalala

I always like to blast out

We three kings of Leicester Square,
Selling ladies underwear,
No elastic, they're fantastic,
Very unsafe to wear.

27 years and still amuses me.

Jingle bells,Santa smells, Rudolphs done a poo,
all the elves are as high as kites and hiding in the loo...

Deck the halls with gasoline....
Strike a match and watch it gleam....
Watch the school burn down to ashes...
Aren't you glad you played with matches...

Yeah yeah, we had one of those

Deck the halls with poison ivy...
something something
break a window, pop a tire...
set your teacher's pants on fire...

Not one of mine, but still makes me giggle:

Good King Wenceleslas looked out...
On the feast of Stephen...
All the snow lay round about...
Deep and crisp and even...

Brightly shone the moon that night...
Though the frost was cruel...
Then an old man came in sight...
playing with his too-ooo-oooll

Here's one from the nineteen fifties.

Good King Wenceslas looked out
Eating [...] bananas
Where do you think he put the skins
In his new pyjamas
Brightly shone the electric light
Looking for a flea
When his mother came in sight
She gave him 1 2 3

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away,
Joker's in the Batcave so now they've nowhere to stay.
Catwoman has got mange, Penguin has been plucked,
And they can't solve Riddler's riddles, so they're absolutely ....

And not so much naughty as just silly:

Good King Wenceslas looked out
Of his Mini Minor,
Skidded round a double bend
And ended up in China.

We three kings of Orient are.
One in a taxi, one in a car,
One on a scooter, blowing it's hooter,
Following yonder star.

Good king Wenslaslas looked out, on the feast of steavens?
Snowball hit him on the snout, made it quite uneven
brightly shone his conk that night, thoe the pain was cruel
till a doctor came in sight, riding on a mue-uoo-el..

whilst sheapards watched their turnip tops all stewing in the pot
an angel of the lord came down and scoffed the blooming lot.

We three kings of orient are
one in a taxi , one in a car,
one on a scooter, blowing his hooter
following yonder star.


CF

While shepards washed their socks by night
all watching ITV the angel of the lord came down
and switched to BBC

We three lads from Liverpool are
John in a taxi, Paul in a car
George on his scooter pippin' his hooter
following Ringo Starr

Hark the Daily Herald sings
Beecham's pills are just the thing
they are gentle they are mild
two for a man and one for a child
if you want to go to Heaven
you must take a dose of seven
if you want to go to Hell,
eat the bloody box as well

Jingle bells, batman smells
Robin flew away
lost his pants in the middle of France
and never went there again

Jingle Bells Batman smells
Robin flew away
Father Christmas lost his whiskers
In my back yard today.

Or

Kojak lost his lollipop
on the M15 today -
Someone picked it up
And put it in a cup
And when poor Kojac came and found it
It was all melted up...

My favourite when I was six;

We three Kings of Orient are
Tried to smoke a rubber cigar
It was loaded and exploded -
BANG!

We two Kings of Orient are...

ed out... Rhudolph the red nosed raindeer had a very shinny and if you ever saw it you would even say it glows (like a lightbulb)......
Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say, Rhudolph with your so bright won't you tonight...

Not exactly a christmas tune but does mention that Jesus fella, he is something to do with christmas although I dont remember him having a white beard or any reindeer hanging about the old shed:

Jesus Christ,
Superstar,
Went joyriding in a motorcar,
Pulled a skid,
Killed a kid,
hit his (place testicular slang here) on a dustbin lid

Dirty birds! Get your minds out of the gutter!

It occurs to me, (though what do I know, I'm only Santa... ) that an awful lot of emphasis is placed on Batman in some of these songs! I've only met him once, myself...

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!

Santa?!?!
I want some for christmas, okay?