h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I used to be a postman.

Once, whilst a border collie was hanging from my arm with it's teeth embedded in my wrist, the owner said "It's ok, he's just being friendly"

I learned from experience that "The dog won't bite you" is invariably followed by "He's never done that before".

Just watched a TV movie - Locusts: Day Of Destruction, and while it's nice that Lucy Lawless has got some work, I was peturbed by the following exchange:

"The locusts ran out of grain so they started eating livestock"
"Oh no! They've turned cannibalist!"


Unless the USA has started breeding cattle sized locusts, I'm guessing the scriptwriters should have used "carniverous"...

Maybe the person who said 'cannibalist' was supposed to be stupid...

Not read the backlog but in edinburgh there is always a tourist (usually american) in the middle of the fringe festival who will ask: "What time does the one o'clock gun go off?"

Me : Con. Sarn. It.

The "cannibalist" comment was seconded by a couple of other people on the program - all of which were part of the presidential "let's get together and argue about how to solve this disaster" team (complete with military general wanting to nuke them all)... that's not to say they're not stupid

I remember a Daz advert from years ago. A caption came up that said "This advert was recorded live".

I've spent the last ten years trying to work out what the alternative is.

"" is my favourite smiley at the moment, btw. Use smileys sparingly people - if you use too many they lose their effect.

>>"What time does the one o'clock gun go off?"

Dime....bar?

<>

It generally means "unscripted, in one take" as opposed to "scripted and with shooting breaks whenever something goes wrong."

Ah, you mean cheaply, then?

Yep.

I love it when women say on trying on a skirt or trousers "does my bum look big in this"

Simple reply is "no, its all the cakes and sweets you eat that makes your bum look big"

Ah, not married I see

Alas yes, 17 years now, but she has a good sense of humour, bless her, everytime i get undressed for bed she always laughs

That's typical of women laughing at your short comings!

If that was a deliberate typo,

R4 news just now "The average cost of a litre of petrol is 97p. The AA have warned that it could cost a pound by the end of the summer if prices keep rising"

What, so if prices keep rising, it will cost more? No shit!

"Empty vessels rattle loudest"

Yeah, only what's doing the rattling if they're empty?
(Probably not worth that guy applying for a job as a maracas player...)

Actually, the proverb is, "Empty vessels make most noise". To prove it, take two identical cans. Empty one of them and turn it upside down to make a drum. Bang on the top of each one with a spoon. The sound from the empty can will be louder than from the full one, because the empty one vibrates more (no filling to deaden the vibration). You can do this with any kind of vessel - an empty crystal glass should give a good clear 'ring' when lightly struck, while a full glass won't.

Didn't it originally refer to ships? I don't know where I have got that thought from exactly, but there it is, fully formed in my brain