h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I take over the country I'll be scrapping all Bank Holidays

I'll also be scrapping weekends and the 9 to 5

who has that these days anyway?

Far too many people.

Sod that. Work's fetishised too much these days. Many people spend their lives doing jobs that are, frankly, pointless, just because it is "work" therefore it should be done.

History is written by the sore losers.

The magic is sucked out of everything from kitchen sounds, to company, to beauty in its many few (distinct..) manifestations on the first day, week or year of discovery or consciousness. Sex is no longer fun as the torture of outer imperceptible indefensible (syn?) existence ceases to ultimately discontinue (end). Food anull as it decays with each day in utils(amt of enjoy). TV, still static from our youth, infected with the dictates of some rotten distorted mental perversion, a temporal invasion of the still living salesman, technician, engineer, and minimum wage populace. Politics. Discolored (self-corrupted, infected, contaminated) social public with pompous (self-important, vain, stuck up) ([sometimes] *embedded) emanation. Perpetual history embedded in the structure of civilization and nature. Puerility (brainlessness, fatuity..) blasting in every shape and form before initial conception. Similarity constructs masquerading as real, credible fact, mathematic, universal, external, or other.

PH: People forgetting to take their medication

Yeah, that or multilingual translators who sometimes forget

packaging with no clear easy way of opening it,
particularly food packaging
thus forcing me... yes forcing me to eat winegums for lunch...
mmm bovine gelatine...

Clearing dead flies and moths out of the bottom of our reading lamp. I can't even work out how they get in there! Horrible end too, getting slowly grilled, and they're not even edible!

Unopenable packaging is worse at Christmas - toy designers want children to see the toys and be unable to play with them, thus creating breakdowns and tantrums, thus resulting in the children going all sulky, stroppy and whiny for the rest of the day or throwing the toy stuck in its packaging out the window, necessitating the need to buy more toys...

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I thought some of the toy manufacturers had gotten better resently with access flaps to get to the string tying the toy to the box rather then the infuriating wire and plastic things that had to be cut off

PH for me: football clubs that have the name of the club above the number on the back of their shirts, and the player's name underneath.
I know which team you are, you numpties, but if the name is at the bottom I can't see who s/he is.

My nearest and dearest having a go at me when she condescends to let me go shopping on my own, I always buy the wrong stuff according to her, and anyway I like pickled eggs!

Seems perfectly reasonable that if when she goes shopping she buys the things that she likes, when you go shopping, you get to buy things you like. After all, when else are you going to get to have pickled eggs? Why does she want you to have a pickled eggs deprived existence?

What came first? Roast chicken or pickled eggs?

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You know Paul Simon's song Mother and Child Reunion? I read that he wrote it when he was given a meal consisting of chicken and eggs, so something clicked in Paul's brain and he came up with the song, I doubt if the eggs were pickled though.

Maybe he was.

my guess - from my own experience and that of some of my friends - is that when Mrs Hammondorgan goes shopping she buys stuff for the household instead of just what she wants?

From a list most likely....

A list?

I do much of my pickling at home anyway, eggs and olives included.

Saves a few nickles and dimes and pickling eggs is an overnight process anyway, something to do with that jar of leftover pickle juice, top up with a little vinegar after adding boiled eggs, unless the pickle juice has been allocated to cole slaw sauce or something like that.

Olives take six weeks with the salt process I usually use.

I suppose the question is, what exactly was said before the shopping trip? If she said, 'Please, dear, I urgently need you to buy some toilet roll' and you came back with pickled eggs, I'd probably lean towards her side in that you may well have bought the wrong thing...

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