h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It was probably a mistake, they'll withdraw it as soon as they notice.

Stupid bus drivers!!! Nearly got killed by one such moron this morning. Pulled out right in front of me without warning, nearly sent me flying off the bike as I swerved to avoid him. Those little orange lights are there for a reason, either to indicate the bus is about to pull out, or to indicate the bus is being driven by a mindless
Iago

When you wait around all day for some people who want to look at your house/flat.

And they don't turn up.


Same applies to plumbers/electricians

People who call me babe..

oh n having my name abbreviated..especially to Sandy..im not a fecking larador!

Poor Meatloaf being attacked with an icepick......
Sorry, Watching Rocky Horror!

Having Camilla Parker Bowles foisted on the Cornish People. Lisa Simpson would not stand for it.

That awful music that plays on Sky when you access the menu screens.

Why do people hate Camilla Parker Bowles? Just because she has a face like an old boot and had an affair with the future monarch? (He wishes). Fair play to her, she's done all right for herself. Gives all ugly people hope.

Lemon meringue pie. Slimy sweet and gopping.
Coffee made with hot condensed milk, evil, evil,evil. The drink of the devil.
Showgirls. Made me violently ill for a week.
Little bits in magazines for bloody thermal underwear that no bitch wants to wear.
People in the streets who stop you and say 'have you got three minutes to spare for charity' when what they really mean is 'have you got fifty quid a month to spare for charity.'
Peopole called Gav.
Non smoking in pubs. Get a grip or get out.

Ooops, channelling Polly and Cass there. I should have let her sign on in her own name.

Hey Eloise,
Too right, ban smoking in pubs - wot?
'wanna go somewhere where you can pickle your liver but keep the breathing organs virginial?'
Well F*ck off and go down the WI and sup damson wine.
S*x, dr*gs and Jerusalem!
Live young . . . die old!

"People in the streets who stop you and say 'have you got three minutes to spare for charity' "

Or even worse when they try to lollop on the guilt by asking "Do you want to help sick and dying children?"

Apparently it's now illegal for charity beggars to use guilt as a selling point. What bugs me is the bloody Krishnas. "Excuse me can you give me some money in exchange for a crappy book you won't read anyway?"
Mrs. D and I kept getting accosted by them in Camden a couple of years ago, eventually Mrs. D came to the end of her tether and said to one "I'm a Christian, f**k off!"

Toshiba laptops...What a load of c**p. 14 months and the screen fails. £467 to repair! Into the dumpster with the rest of their tosh.

Bookshops that sell volumes 2,3,4,5 and 6 of a series of books, but seem to have forgotten that more people will want to read the first one, so they never have it.

Math propblems that no matter how hard you try, you simply can't seem to solve. Also, lukewarm hot choclate.

Coming home from the pub after having my measure of cardioprotection only to have to strip in the garage cause I stink like an ashtray. I am not an anti smoking Nazi ,but my drinking will not kill anyone else, and no, I never drink and drive, not even one.

Charity collectors are now banned from rattling their collecting tins.

The Simpsons, now they are on chanel 4, the adverts ruin the flow. And not I don't want to buy a bloody Tivo box that will record the prog and chop the adverts.

Adverts for Digital TV, when I live in an area with no digital availabe, not any, not a sausage. No cable or satelite ( Hills and Woods)

Not switching lights off
Not putting down the lid and flushing
Retrospective indicators, particularly on Taxis

People who think they should travel in the offside lane because it is the fast lane...........and then make a left turn across my path!!

Centre lane owners club on motorways.

The bloody media for always reporting every royal breath. No I dont care that you poor sods in Cornwall have been foisted on by the House of Windsor, us poor hard working down to earth Yorkshire people have had our cross to bear for years. Duke and Dutches of York, pah!!

'I'm not racist but.......'
You just know that these people will be pure evil and you're just expected to nod and smile or you'll look like a politically correct tosser.
People that say 'What's the matter, no really what's wrong, I can tell your not yourself!' and the arses have known you for three minutes.
People who say 'Have you got a spare cigarette?' I haven't lived my life yet, I don't know.
People who say 'Do you know what I hate?' when you don't care about them never mind what they hate.
People who say 'I haven't seen you for years, you haven't changed a bit' when you know you've added three stone and you haven't washed your hair in a week.
People who say 'It's not you, it's me' when you know it is you and they are shagging somebody else, probably your sister.
People who say 'Gosh you remind me of Dawn French, not cos you look like her, just cos you're so funny.'

Having a curry in Scotland in an Indian Restaurant and it not being spicey hot, but sweet?? and tasting nothing like Indian food I have eaten in the homes of my Indian and Pakistani friends.

Why does curry in Scotland have that luminous glow in the dark colour?

Old diesel cars, especially Peugots and VWs that pump out choking oil fumes that make my eyes water and give me lung cancer.

Cars that pull out in front of you on a motorway and then slow down by 10 mph.

Tesco for not selling its breakfast all day because people like it and they would not sell any other type of meal, thats right, if the public want it, don't let them have it.

Radio 1 DJs Radio 1 playlists

Joss Stone, I mean really, not hyped up is she??

The Queen for giving Geldof a knighhood and forgetting all about Midge Ure.

Manchester United........enough said. And I don't even watch Soccer.

The Beckhams

Fans of the Beckhams

And no, the greatest single of all time is not in any way bloody Robbie Williams' Angels.

People who call me babe..

oh n having my name abbreviated..especially to Sandy..im not a fecking larador!

I must say that you sound like Scooby Do with a hair lip.

I think I have seen a couple of B+W of you in Az's friends site. All I can say is, they call you babe because you do not look 27 and to my old eyes quite cute.

And no, I am not feeding you a line, my own 44 year old is just as cute.

and I am not an old letch.

Aardvark makes a run for it as he feels a nasty spell heading his way.

I didnt mean babe in that sense ... i mean when you get people who use it every other second,like hon or sweetie n you barely know them! Tis more than a little patronising.