h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Some area of the country will flood *again*.

It will snow again in a few weeks and will bring the country to a standstill.

We will have a bakingly hot summer which will last from May to September and will rival 76 for its hotness. There will be a drought and a hosepipe ban. Global warming will be blamed.

A supermarket will get into trouble and get taken over by a competitor.

The congestion charging in london will be hailed a huge success and will be rolled out accross the country.

There will be a major food scare (not eggs, beef, chicken....milk maybe?).

Top up fees will be announced (eventually after much putting off by Charles Clarke (friend to the NUS)) the NUS will make such a mess of everything that more universities will opt out.

I will get a huge payrise be moved to a large department with lots of other people doing similar jobs in an office with people who are nice.

I *will* pay off my credit card bill...probably at about the same time as my car decides to roll over and die

That idea rings a big fat bell...

Trying to think...

Maybe an article in New Scientist about translating flowers and nature into music or something...

Give us a shout when you get it finished!!!

It's sort of already half working. Currently it produces a musical score, but I want it to output a mp3 type file, to actually play the music.

madness.

Wouldnt you have to program a whole synthesiser (sic?) for that, or would the tone be beeps?

You can (and here comes the theory) stretch/shrink a .wav file to produce the right note, and then combine them to produce chords/orchestration. All theory so far at that point though. I'm a net programmer so it's all a bit new doing stuff like this.

Another prediction for this year...

A privatised company will get found out for losing money hand over fist and be bailed out by the tax payer (again) and yet, the person responsible for running it into the ground will be able to walk away with a hefty golden handshake and go straight into another stupidly well paid job.

Another food scare?

THIS JUST IN: Reports have been made of people going insane after drinking milk from cows with BSE. The health department has dubbed this "Mad Milk Disease." Citizens are advised to avoid all dairy products. Forever.

I'm all in favour of 6.

in 2003:

i will completely fail to wow my employer and secure a promotion, meaning this time next year i'll be sitting right here typing out the same predictin for '04.

perhaps if i logged off h2g2 and did some work....




nah!

Since I did so dismally predicting last year I'll try a new approach this year.

I predict that after Castro dies in 2003, Cuba will become both a haven for American corporations seeking cheap labor and a more exotic version of Nevada, complete with legalized gambling and prostitution. Booming tourist trade from its northern neighbor will ultimately turn
the island nation into a wealthy "paradise of vice."

Mostly Harmless

I forgot to mention a major earthquake in turkey...I've been predicting that every year for the past 5 and haven't been wrong once.

"A supermarket will get into trouble and get taken over by a competitor."...safeway?

"It will snow again in a few weeks and will bring the country to a standstill"...looking likely for wednesday

"Top up fees will be announced"... I hate being right

So...just a food scare, a flood, a drought and a payrise to look forward to

My hips shall get smaller, my nail varnish will stay red, my fringe will stay short, and I will turn up to the Summer meet and disappoint everyone by being very quiet and boring.

Oh. And I WILL get that job.

*determined*

1. There will be a war in Iraq, but won't be the huge deal everyone excpects. Why? First, it will result either in a stalemate or a quagmire of unresolved political tensions. Secondly...

2. There will be a terrorist attack in Western Europe that will steal the headlines. My personal guess is Paris.

3. England will decide to join the Euro.

4. American Football will enjoy a brief blip of popularity in the UK when the Claymores win the NFL Europe title.

5. Bush's popularity will sink below 50% for the first time since 2001 when the US economy not only fails to recover, but slowly slips into a full recession.

That's all I have for now.

UK's got an American Football team named the Claymores?

3. England will decide to join the Euro.

what at about rest of the Umited Kingdom?

1. People will go onn sending money overseas for poor starving children while neglecting the poor starving children in their neighbourhood.
2. Domestic violence will not be stopped and people will continue to suffer
3. World leaders will continue to pretend that the problem with Iraq is weaponry when we all know the real issue is oil.
4. Scientists will continue to be unable to get real funding for alternative power sources while oil companies are in control.
5. No country will actually vote on whether they want to bomb the crap out of any other country and the leaders will just demand it.
6. If war does happen and the media turns against it, the poor soldiers will be blamed for what they have ordered to do and when they return the populace will give them a hard time.
7. Someone will realise that the whole lot is a giant waste of time and life will end.

Gosh I'm pessemistic today... SORRY

!. The Lib Dems will overtake the Conservatives as legitimate opposition.

2. Tony Blair, and George Bush will continue spouting rubbish that goes against the grain of what their people want, and lose popularity fast (if they had it anyway). Because of that, something awful will occur to try and distract people's minds away from it, but will only reaffirm suspicions about dodgy leadership in the world.

3. Tensions between Germany and America will continue, and there will be an investigation commissioned into Germany's post war past by Bush. Nothing will be found, but he will insist some sort of action is taken against them.

4. Israel will up their action against Palestine, call more people anti-semetic, but peace talks will resume at some point, and something will be resolved.

5. The Catholic Church will feature quite prominently. The Pope *will* die. Someone unexpected will be put in as his replacement, but it will be a shortlived reign in the big hat.

6. The cult of the minor celebrity will die. Reality shows will carry on.

7. The cloned baby issue will rage on for a while, then dip back into obscurity.

Talking of predictions, are there any believers left still prattling on about Nostradamus?
It's interesting how all the Nostradamus books are wise about past events and then go on to predict imminent Armageddon. And what about the Bible Code? Should I be losing sleep?

Well, I don't see anything wrong with either Nostradamus or the Bible Code. Worth having a good old look.

Wampus: www.nfleurope.com

pheloxi: Just using shorthand, I of course meant the UK.

Gareth Gates will retire from making quality pop records and become a recluse after revelations in the Sunday Times reveal that he has had councelling for a long term addiction to Marzipan.