h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It finally happened.
I always knew it would, I remember my Grandfather saying they always did, in the end.
And the worst of it is that I don't think you can get the ones with the orange flanges anymore.
Or the brass handles. Don't think I could live with one without brass handles
I tried to make it better with some 2x4 and clout nails, but it isn't the same somehow.

What shall I do? What did you do when it happened?

Wouldn't be so bad if I knew what you were talking about, dear

OK, I'll bite too.

When it happened to me, I stopped doing it and got spectacles.

You got the specs attachment? Didn't think they still made that one.
Or do you have the tartan underlay version?

yes!

I got the ladies' version. Much lighter and prettier colours.

Mind you, it didn't help much.

Obviously the clout nails wouldn't help, i tried that but it ended up ruining it. Picked up one with brass handles at a car boot though, which was better than the original.

I find the mens versions sturdier than the ladies' version.

I was toying with idea of one of those for my husband's birthday. But I couldn't find a decent one here in Germany. The German version is clout nail resistant. They're no fun at all.

I got one for my birthday. Harris tweed too!

The one I inherited from my grandad outlasted the one my wife got me. You can't beat those old-time flange making skills, (but it was a bit mildewed)

its the elbow grease that makes them work better
painted mine yellow and black

ah, elbow grease you say?
I'll have to try some of that.

I'm surprised at the ladies version being less sturdy, I've heard they get much more use. But then they do have the extra dials on them, so I guess that evens out.

the flange sprocket is loose on mine any tips?

see? I said they all do that eventually. We never listen though do we?

You could try soaking it for an hour in 10w40 motor oil (pref. used) but I think that's more a fix for off-colour thumb plates.

i'll bash it with a spanner and see what happens

I find a bit of WD40 greatly inproves the performance of the thingumees.
And obviously purple and green is the traditional colour-scheme. Don't you people know anything?

Ah but where do you put the can of WD40?
I tried the main belt receptacle and it really didn't seem to help.

"i'll bash it with a spanner and see what happens"
Really?
That must mean you're..., no, wait, really? With a spanner?
You must be one of the..., ah - no, you're not allowed to say are you?
Hmm. Tell me, do you have any spare left-handled flying spiggots?

i may be able to put my hands on some

HEY! Keep your hands to yourself!

*wanders in*

Anyone seen my spiggots? I thought I put them down just here.

*shrugs*

never mind

*wanders out*