h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The quite wonderful Stuart Maconie was interviewing a conker champio the other day, and, naturally, followed it with Chestnut Mare, which I hadn't heard in absolute yonks.

And I found myself singing

"I'm going to catch that horse if I can
And when I do I'll give her to my gran..."

And then I burst out laughing at the ridculousness of what I'd just sung, amazed at my unquestioning childhood self accepting those as making some sort of sense.biggrin

I keep hearing "no more wars" as "no more doors" in Holy wars by Megadeth.
Also Devils Island frequently becomes Nevilles Island.

Coincidentally the Megadeth lyric "Captive honor ain't no honor" often becomes "Left Ivana in Rwanda" when I'm not paying attention.

That should've been "*kept* Ivana in Rwanda".

See, not paying attention again.

Erotic by madonna 'Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, put your hands all over my body'

Another one 'All you women who independant throw your hams at batman'

Willfully altered 'No, I don't want no shrub, a shrub is plant that can't get no love from me. Mother lives in a park, he ain't got no bark, all I want is a tree.'

Bit of a rude one, but I keep hearing Amy Winehouse inviting people to do something unspeakable "all over Valerie".

http://www.rathergood.com/alf/

Ugh, Amy Whiney's Valerie...<shudder.

Think that's worth a thread to itself

There's a book about misheard lyrics - some of them are in German.
One of the most funny examples is the mishearing of the line

..und aus den Wiesen steiget
Der weiße Nebel wunderbar...

meaning:

and out of the meadows rises
the white fog wonderfully

which children hear as:
...
der weiße Neger Wumbaba:

(the white negro Wumbaba)

The illustration of the book shows this nicely:

http://www.tu-chemnitz.de/phil/leo/bilder_neu/wumbaba.jpg

There are many more like this, a few English ones being about a bone eater (La isla bonita)

or Tina Turner's 'What's love but a second hand in motion'.

Mishead lyrics always make me chuckle, and this article reminded me of this thread, although I can't say I agree with their choice of top ten.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1047429/You-make-best-homemade-stew-Sting-pops-misheard-lyrics-chart.html#comments

My latest mondegreen is Newton Faulkners apparent ode to "Dean Gaffney" - I know it's really Dream Catch Me, but I still can't help singing along with the wrong words

Also loving the Abba classic "One of us is Brian"

Mariah Carey - from Touch My Body;

"If you run your mouth and brag about our sink in Pontypool
I will hunt you down."

Carcass from Corporeal Jigsore Quandry:
"Human justice
Religiousness 'til Christmas"

...and from Incarnated Solvent Abuse:
"Cold, je suis désolée"

A friend of mine tells me there is an Opeth track where the vocalist growls "dire badgers eat my brie", but I've yet to find it.

Oh, and the above Carcass mishearings are with me knowing the lyrics.

Opeth- Halo of death all I see is departure, Mourners lament but it's me who's tomato.