h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

yeah you're a big mouldy washcloth - the sort that has not been hung out to dry, so you're covered in that horrible black pin mould....

Now, that's more like it. Dammit.

I spew my mold on thee.

the last time you were used you cleaned up the vomit of demented dwarf who never washed!!!!!

Stop insulting ER! He was drunk at the time.

to be honest I'd like to use him to clean the bottom of the demented dwarf's poo ridden baby.....

Awww ... now be nice. He'd be much better served as a diaper on the dwarf.

You're right especially as the dwarf never washes or changes his diaper from one year to the next..

To be serioushonestly, how are things between you and the old aussie these days?

You know I still love him, Red ... in an idiotic sort of way. It makes no good sense, but my heart is firmly attached to him ... even though I know full well that he's a cad. I need someone to care about, and he's the one my heart insisted upon. Dumb, huh?

It's just as well that he doesn't love me in return because he'd only ruin my otherwise uneventful and peaceful life.

there's nothing i can say, when i think who I have loved........but as there is little chance of you meeting him in real life, I reckon you have hit upon your life partner, Avenging. Having met him myself and experienced his coldness and complete lack of hospitality I have a very different view of him to that I had before I met him. I think a hootoo relationship can be very different to a real life one...it should be enjoyed for what it is......... I find my hootoo relationships incredibly valuble but of course there is no going back for me and er...... to you.

your all a bunch of rednecks that use outhouses in your back yard! sheesh! and will someone PLEASE wash that damn washcloth?!?!
cheers
ford

however smelly that dam washcloth is she's a friend of mine so watch yourself, you rusty old ford

oh well perhaps it isnt the washcloth that im smelling, red, will you please wash
cheers
ford

Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel the cold wall. Most days I can't even get him to talk to me ... it's a pathetic little dried-up relationship really. But don't worry ... I have no illusions of it being more than it is. If I were wise, I'd let it go, but I've seen an undefinable spark of what the man is beneath that evil exterior ... and that's what I love. Of course ... I'm probably insane and would be better off getting myself on crack.

to you too, Red.

Oh, is that you, Ford? I thought you were the outhouse a few minutes ago when I felt the urge.

well, i think you were to late in getting to the out house...

cheers
ford

In my street a ford is a crappy old car that Mr. boring normal owns. I see from your space that you're a young thing - now why would you want to call yourself a ford? You're getting old before your time lad!

Oh yeah? Your "wetness" protection has failed .... you're dribbling on the floor again, Ford. Here, don't forget to strap on your drool cup.

well i thought the name ford prefect would be nicely incnspicuous amoung you pathetic humans but now i se i should have chosen "red smelly washcloth of the universe" or some such sillyness
cheers
ford

*I* am the only washcloth on h2g2, so don't get any ideas, you degenerate sagging pig nostril.