h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've heard this story, too. In the version I read the building in question was Harrods in London.

I was scared of them, too, when I was little. At least, I was scared of the downward ones. I still don't like them much. It's probably to do with my fear of heights/falling. I keep thinking I'll mis-step and fall all the way down. Whenever I have to use one, everybody ahead of me just steps on without thinking. I get to the top and wait for 2 or 3 'steps' to go past before I'm happy that I can synchronise stepping on with the movement of the escalator. So if you encounter a woman holding up proceedings at the top of a downward escalator, it's probably me.

EQ: LOL

CD: Unless, of course, it's me.

When I was little I never minded getting on escalators, but had a paranoid fear of getting off them. I used to think my toes would get caught in the metal plate as the last step disappears and that my foot would be ripped off.

I always had to psyche myself up about 5 steps before the end to jump a couple of inches in the air to clear the last step...

*nods*

I've never had any problems getting off, either going up or coming down. It's getting on the downward ones that has always worried me and probably always will.

I don't like escalators. I was once on one in a NY department store when there was a power-outage and I was stuck there for three hours.

There's no 'sarcastic smiley' or 'wicked smiley', but I know you have to be joking. You can't get stuck on an escalator. In an elevator, perhaps, (we call them 'lifts' over here), but not on an escalator. Unless you can't walk. Mind you, with the number of cars there are in the States, it wouldn't surprise me if some Americans lost their legs through evolution, or perhaps retained minimal use for operating the clutch, brake and accelerator.

No comment!

Long ago (but I can still remember) I once stepped onto a down escalator and stepped on what turned out to be the edge of a step. If it hadn't been for my father's (or was it mum's or maybe both) quick reactions in grabbing me, I would have probably fallen to the bottom. Perhaps this has something to do with why I've also been nervous around regular stairs (strange ones), too.

Clutch? I don't think they have those anymore in the US...

I assure you they do! And I insisted on one in my last new car. Despite the protestations of the salesman ("But an automatic will have a higher resell value!" ... among others).

A while ago I went out drinking (how unusual...), and on the way home, going down the escalator to the underground/subway station I did a really dumb thing.
Being on a slightly jolly note I decided to slide down on the handrail. So there went, jumping up on the handrail and sliding off. Now, since our handrails are very, very, very smooth I picked up considerable speed.
Enough that I through my drunken stupor decided I was going TOO fast. This is where the really dumb part comes in.
I jumped off.
The combination of a steep escalator, drunkeness and a very high velocity while hitting the steps is lethal.
I went flying.
Downhill.
While somesaulting.
Several turns.
Until the stairs ended and I landed flat.
The morning after I had bruises all over my back, on both arms (upper, lower and elbows) and both legs. Somehow I managed to pick myself up and walk away - I strongly suspect this has to do with the painkilling effect of alcohol.
Don't try this at home, kids.

Heh heh... I've always wondered what sliding down the railing of one of those would be like. Unfortunatly ours are all rubber-coated and not very conducive to good sliding.

And they have those knobs installed to keep you from doing it, anyway.

I love doing that ...but once I got stopped by a security guard _in an empty mall_.

???????

No knobs here, just the rubber, which makes it impossible. Someone would probably sue for infertility problems (and win) if they tried that here.

Stopping immediately after getting off an escalator is just one facet of some people's complete inability to pay attention to where anyone else might be going. It's the same with people who
a) walk out of a store, then stop 3 feet outside to rummage for gloves, purse, or whatever, simultaneously interfering with both pavement traffic, and other people trying to enter or leave the store.
b) wait for a bus while standing in the middle of the pavement directly opposite the bus stop, cunningly making sure there's not quite enough room to pass them on either side
c) walk along crowded pavements keeping just close enough to walls, shop windows, etc to prevent anyone passing between.
d) walk around with rolled-up umbrellas under their arms with the tips flailing around behind them like rapiers
e) walk around with unfurled umbrellas at ANY time (umbrellas being the caravans of the pedestrian world)
f) walk hand-in-hand along the busiest high streets during Xmas shopping season, demonstrating to the world either
i) how much in love they are, or
ii) how dumb and thoughtless their offspring are likely to be

The reason they get upset is probably because people are always bumping into them, and they're too damn stupid to know why.

This reminds me of summers here in Alaska, USA.

In downtown Anchorage, the largest city we have on this glacier, the summers are awash with tourists. And these tourists have a strange way of walking. They link hands, and walk very slowly down the sidewalk, sometimes four or five people abreast. When someone comes up behind them, they stop and stand there, this human wall, making pedestrian traffic impossible.

I can't help but wonder if this is the case the world over. I imagine it is. Tourists invariably know that they are in a high-traffic area, and always insist on blocking other pedestrians in the most inconvenient fashion possible.

I have devised a way to deal with this. Put both hands lightly and tenderly on the person's waist, put your mouth very close to their ear (either one, I don't care), and whisper in a seductive voice "Pardon me." This works particularly well with the elderly. I did this one to a rather aged woman, and she went "Whoooooops!" in a very high-pitched voice. And she got out of the way.

If you're uncomfortable with touching a stranger's waist, you can always touch their necks. Touching their bottoms would be inadvisable. And don't even consider their genitals.

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This advice is most usefull. In many locations (my school, high streets etc) I come across large groups of people who seem to walk slowly, and then, just when you come up behind them and adjust your course to avoid a collision, they manage to anticipate your path with startling accuracy and still manage to get in your way.

This is similar to the phenomonom of encountering someone coming towards you and you move to the same side and continue to block each others path. If you get what I mean, not many people do though.