h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Distant Drums by Jim Reeves.
No it's not really, but I'm still smarting cos someone nicked my
Pictures of Lily by the Who
and replaced it by Jim's effort.
This was only 36 years ago! I do not forgive or forget easily!!

"English Rose" by The Jam is a c**p record that a lot of people seem to like.

What's with that "for no buns (?!) will keep me from she" line?! It's *her* you pseudo-shakespearian idiot!

not forgetting:

"Where do you go to my lovely?" by That Bloke On A Stool (I forget his name)

"He bought you a racehorse for Christmas, and you keep it just for fun, oh for a laugh, a ha ha ha"

and A Spaceman Came Travelling by Ch**s *e B**gh

particularly the bit where he "rocks out" in the most feeble manner ever committed to record:

*grip that mic stand, loosen that bow tie, let that drop of sweat run down your fake-tanned face* "And the whole world it weeeeeeeeeehhhhhhnnnnnttt"

*reads whole thread*

Thank you for reminding me of so many truly awful records. I've now got many of them floating around in my head and I'll never get them out again

I hate you all!

*flounces out in a huff*

That would be Peter Sarstedt that did "Where do you go to, my lovely"

A classic! It was awarded the Ivor Novello Award in 1969!

...And you sip your Napoleon brandy, but you never get your lips wet...

Never been to me was by Charlene, someone mentioned it earlier.

However, I've got a worse one: Gypsy Woman by Crystal Waters.

Da da dee Bow bow, da da de Bow bow, bloody tuneless tone deaf RUBBISH! And people BOUGHT it! It got in the CHARTS!

Now I'm the first to admit I can't carry a tune in a bucket, but I can recognise other people who are LESS musically talented than me, and that woman was one of them. What was more annoying, was that it was *catchily* out of tune and discordant. AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

H.

Oh yes, it's there in my mind... I did think it was finny, at the time, though...

In the present day - I'd say anything perpetrated by Eminem (egotism and obscenity are't funny, especially combined!

Wacko Jacko. All Saints...

Worst of all time.. Ballad of the Green Berets, sometime in the '60s.

Erm that should have been funny, not finny..Sorry.

Didn't Andy Cole once try to release a record.
Just looked on audiogalaxy - they reckon there's one called 'Outstanding' on there by Andy Cole. That sounds about right.

As a Spurs fan I shouldn't really admit this, but 'Diamond lights' by Chris Waddle and Glenn Hoddle was truly awful. Only rescued by having the superb 'Hot-Shot Tottenham' by Chas and Dave on the B-Side.

Don't forget the mullets.

Napoleon brandy is a rubbish brand, couldn't they afford anything better? Might explain the song!

Sorry Fish.....Lavender by Marillion.

Was a huge fan until I heard that, then I knew the end was nigh!

Watch it! "Diamond Lights" was a fantastic record... you just have to be in the right frame of mind.

Now if we're talking football records, who remembers Liverpool FC's "Anfield Rap"?

Is that the same frame of mind you have to be in to watch an episode of Diagnosis Murder, or perhaps eating a whole jar full of pickled eggs?

The Anfield Rap?
If anyone can Macca can, Macca can, Macca, Macca, Macca can.

Off the top of my head, 'Slam Jam' by the WWF All-Stars (the insturmental version on the B-side is particularly wretched).

Moonglum met the woman who did the high squeaky voice
la la la la la, owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

wish I knew what it was called, it was dreadful

You know, I used to work in Our Price.
You'd be amazed at the number of customers who would come in and say things like that and *expect* us to know what the ong hell they were on about...

"That would be Peter Sarstedt that did "Where do you go to, my lovely"

A classic! It was awarded the Ivor Novello Award in 1969!

...And you sip your Napoleon brandy, but you never get your lips wet... "

I think the Ivor Novello jury had been at the Napoleon brandy.

There is no contest for this one. This has been a lively pub conversation many a time.
The argument is now honed thus : To be the worst record ever, it has to have had some kind of meaning to the song. A "worthiness" if you will.

On these grounds "Wind of Change" by the Scorpions will never be beaten for sheer smugness, stupidity, and all round lack of any forgiving musical qualities....(IMHO)

alias..

Jimmy wants to nominate (but is too idle) - Smooth Criminal by Wacko Jacko. (The Alien Ant Farm version is good. On the album Anthology, probably.)

Anything by any made up group - True Bliss (NZ), Bardot (Australia), Westlife, N Sync, etc. This does not apply to the first manufactured group, The Monkees back in the 1960s. They had (many of them had) a sense of irony...

The Whiny Song. It's about being Superman in a silly red cape and it's recent. It's too awful for words, and I can't remember who perpetrated it. (Five for Fighting, Jimmy says. I'll give them a fight if they want...)