h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

but the timing was just brilliant...

each posting is just a minute apart. How did you do this?

And according to your posting(s) I seem to be on the right track...

194376

P.S. Hope I don´t derail again...

How's it going? I hope.

Well... getting better I guess...

We had little talk day before yesterday about our planned holiday in thailand. It was quite allright I think. No shouting and stuff

Nah, to be honest, I feel we are going to make it. I learned a lot the last weekend. She did as well. So if we both manage to remember at least a little of what we learned we should be fine...

194376

Good stuff

Hi, Researcher 194376:

Understanding why you reacted the way you
did could be a big help. You were doing fine
until your girlfriend started spending time
with her friend. That may be the key. For
some reason, you were probably jealous of
your girlfriend's friend. Emotions are awfully
inconvenient things to have, but they are there
just the same, and can't be ignored.

Next time your girlfriend decides to spend time
with her friend, she might try doing it when
you aren't around, or she might do nice little
things for you so your feelings won't get hurt.
Or, you might be gracious and find something
about the friend that you like.

Or just go down the pub,play on the puter,arrange to get a friend of yours to come round.

Incog.

Thanks for the advice Paul, but you´re not exactly right. I wasn´t doing fine, because I didn´t have the time to. We made the decision on friday and on saturday her freind popped in.

We had another talk last night and I, again, tried to explain it to her. I had to reveal a couple of things about her predecessor which she hasn´t known before. I was very, very, very, very, very badly cheated by my ex and I hadn´t told her so far. I reckon she can now understand a lot better why I am reacting the way I do. I am very stubborn about relationsships. Once I decide to commit myself, which has never ever been an easy decision, I do so fully. Meaning I wouldn´t even really look at another girl.

She is bit more outgoing than I am. I mean I am an outgoing person, but only very, very superficial. I do have heaps of acquaintaces, but only one real friend. Which is her. She hasn´t realized this until I told her. So I think we have a much better basis to work on, now that she knows that I regard not only as my favourite past-time but also as my best friend.

I hope we can find a find a way for her to see me as her best friend too. If she would just treat more as bit of a "special" person, my seriously blasted self-esteem and trust, regarding relationsships, would be mostly destroyed. And it would keep the big jealousy-demon at bay.

I told her all that and many more things about me yesterday, now I guess have to wait wht she makes of it...

God, enough whining... gotta get back to work...

194376

Ok, may trust and self-esteem would be restored....

Was this a freudian-slip????

194376

Ok, my trust and self-esteem would be restored....

Was this a freudian-slip????

194376

My own experience tells me several things:

Fisrt as well as Kaz's posts women can be stupid, dense, childish and men can be manipulative, controlling and demeaning. Taking any advice aimed at a single sex is often riddled with dead ends brought about by stereotypes. My partner for example would rather stick pins in her eyes than talk about problems, and my trying to talk is the largest cause of friction between us.

My advice is:
Be kind to each other, if you can't do that, why are you together.

Be humble, you are with this person because they give you happiness, companionship and love, enjoy that, be thankful and make a personal note when your parter does even the smallest thing for you, appreciate it, and every now and again, tell them how much you appreciate it.

And most importantly: A relationship is not a competition, remember this, it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, who wins most arguements, who was late, who forgot, who said the wrong thing, you're not scoring points. If you find yourself defending yourself, stop, if you find yourself accusing, stop. I find that if you don't try to win and argue petty points then rather than your partner ploughing through your carefully constructed defence and then thumbing their nose at you, the argument just evaporates and you seem to have a good time together again, the result of a happy relationship is a draw, or a better analogy is a team game, you are not on opposite sides. Niggles? Just let them go.

Men are stupid? In terms of emotional intelligence, yes. Women are equally stupid in other ways

I'd say that just talking isn't enough, you have to know what to say. (I mean the impersonal 'you' here). You need to be able to reflect on your feelings and then put them into words. This is suppressed in men from an early age. If you're disconnected from your feelings you're likely to be constantly snappy, or seethe then explode.

The crux of the battle of the sexes is that men and women reinforce each other's roles. As a result men often see assertive, confident women as a threat, and sensitive, thoughtful (if somewhat barmy) blokes sometimes get left by the wayside

whoosh...

A tin can rattles across the road.
Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howls...

Ok, I got it after the second wake up call

Well, yeah you are definitely right about men and women reinforcing each others role. Even if you are in touch with your emotions it is sometimes quite hard to put them into words. And even if you are able to express them, it is not sure that the other person will understand them the way they are supposed to. Which is why a sensitive and thoughtful guy ends being a wimp in the eyes of women. Or why a successful and smart women becomes an amazone gone berserk in the eyes of a man.

I wouldn´t call myself thoughtful, sensitive or barmy , my main feature is being childish...

Which I was at the time of the incident. I realized that now. She did as well, I hope...

194376

Suddenly he sees a light: wait, there's a house over there, and it looks like someone's in...

Hiya! Are you going to give yourself a name sometime? It's so much more friendly that way. Anyway, I'm glad you agree with me. I've been out with one or two amazons gone berserk in my time . Er.

BTW, I was talking about myself (sheepish grin) I wouldn't presume to go around calling other people barmy, unless I knew them

I'm one of those sensitive, thoughtful blokes...my "ex" says I'm the biggest sweetie in the world, she also says I'm "innocent", which I quite resent ...well, I suppose compared to her , I probably am, but still......my advice: never try to understand a woman, you will soon find you are running after nothing...by all means do something nice or what ever you think is right, but try not to analyze them...because you're probably wrong anyway

Hi Flinch, some stereotypes seem to have some bearing, my point was more a case of whatever insult you can throw at a man, I can think of one for a woman.

Myself and Moonglum had got on better by understanding our differences, some of which are sterotypical, but it does seem to be the case for us. Obviously we don't fit into all stereo... labels and nor does anybody else.