h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And so it came to pass that it did pass, and as it passed, it passed, and in passing it past, and it was past, and yet the future and both the present at the same time, and a different time, and all time and all futures and all pasts and all presents

Way Hey! NO PANTS!!!

One word! Thong! I really must calm down a bit oh nighthoover, who art in teh night, hoover be thi name, thi kingdom hoover on earth as it is in Bermingham

Or Kiddiminster

Or preston.

Or the front room of 24a Pratt St, Croydon.

>> Henry James' "The Figure in the Carpet" ... it suddenly dawned on me that this mysterious "figure in the carpet" that they're trying to discover all through the story is in fact no other than the one who hoovers the carpet! <<

Perhaps that's him too in Robert Service's "The Face on the Barroom Floor".



"Ashes to ashes,
dust til dusk..."


~jwf~

Or Bungay, or Beccles I guess... I started 'part II' of the storey back a way didn't I? no one going to continue it on? I'd put it here again, but its lost in the blog

I'll organise a search party...

*sets out into the blog to look for the missing part of the story*

*returns from the backlog wilderness*

*tosses her hat on the hatstand*

*misses*

*picks it up and hangs it neatly on the hatstand*

*faces the room, looking thrilled*

I have found it! I have with me... *opens a small wooden box that emits a soft red glow* the Lost Beginning of Part 2 of the Story!
Listen:

"I stood, in the tube car, mezmorized, I don't know for how long I stood, I could not know, time, like nighthoover standing befor eme seemed somehow non existant.
'Hello I am nighthoover'
repeated the figure before me, I almost came too from my mezmorized state and looked again at the figure.
It was still the same, so nondescript, a man? a woman? tall? short? fat? thin? all and yet none, all and more, yet none and less. It hurt my eyes to look apon the figure, and the figure gazed back, or was the figure looking at something else?
I turned, instinctivly and looked behind me, and it all went fuzzy again.
The tube station, the tube train, the figure, were they real? Was I really here? Where was I and what was I doing?
Yet again so many questions filled my head where there should have only been answers.
the bruse on teh back of my head where teh lycra clad guitarist had hit me with the Fender began throbing and I passed out again."



I was in the dark.
I don't know for how long, but it seemed ages have passed before I woke up.
It took me a while to realise I have woken up, because everything was still dark.
I opened my eyes.
I was still in the tube car, but nighthoover was gone. I had no idea where I was - all I could see through the windows was pitch black night. But that wasn't the first thing that drew my attention, because I was not alone.
In the far end of the car Pottsy was standing with the three suits that I saw before at the bar, holding a lantern in one hand and a clipboard in the other.
'Ah,' she said, 'I see you're up. Good.'

'Oh no not again' I moaned from on the floor. I began to notice the pain, though at first its location seemed obscure.
Eventually it resolved itself to a electrical plug on teh floor and apon which I was laying. My eyes followed the lead that emerged from it, and had traced it some way when potssy spoke again.
'Pay attention, for once will you please pay attention, and stop falling unconsciouness, it is beginning to get very boring'.
I blinked, and looked at pottsy, she was being serious, no smurk, no smile, she was being serious, about what she was being serious, like normal, I had no idea.
It seemed that more so than when I was in the darkness itself, , or perhaps especially when I wasn't, that in the light, the darkness and uncertainty seemed even more than the darkness and uncertanity and unanswered questions that plagued me in the dark did. This thought worried me, not least of what it ment, but mainly because it, also made no sense whatsoever, and didn't even 'read' as a proper sentence, or coherant thought, I gave up on it, and filed it awyay in that part of my memory marked 'unfounded thoughts and unanswered questions', which I noted was getting particularly full at the moment.
It felt like I was about to pass out again, but at that moment, the gorillas grabbed me and hoisted me to my feet, and I stood, unsteady at first, but as my confedence grew, I realised I was standing quite normally.
The bruise on the back of my head still hurt though, and I mentally cursed the lycra clad guitarist and his Fender Strat.

F19815?thread=393755

nighthoover for P M

NNN News.

13.00 GMT

A news report in from our East End corospondant in teh last half hour has drawn our attention here at NNN to the election in High Holborn, of a new intergalatic president. None other than nighthoover has for the three .5 year running been reelected to the post, with a mandate, in their own words, of 'peace, alcohol tollerence, and a lot of clean floors'. A spokesperson for the White House said that 'As previously we are both relieved and slightly damp over the reelection, we do not no if this nighthoover posses a risk to national security, or if they are really on some strange 'clean up' mision within the corrodoors of power'.
Within teh last ten minutes, Downing Street has released the following statement to the media
'2 LB diced stewing steak
1 LB onions
.5 LB carrots
.5 LB potatos
1 stick celery
peas.
Beef dripping.'

Emergency!!!!!!:
There is a chance* only a chance, mind, we can get some artwork done for the storey going into the Post; we need ideas on what the artwork should look like.... My current view is a slightly 'bermused' expression on a upright hoover type machine, with 'night' background? Ideas needed!

Whatever it is, it should probably be no more than a sillouette.

Yeah, sounds good... it should be something very vague and nocturnal.

Yea, vague, accentuating teh etheremerial nature of nighthoover and dark too, accentueating the 'nightness' of nighthoover and feature a hoover somehow to acceuate the 'hooverlyness' of nighthoover and kind of powerfully undecisive and interdmerinate to accentuate the 'thing' of nighthoover and kind of bobbly round the edges to accuentiate the 'whatsit' of nighthoover and a bit 'frazzled' about the edges, to accentuate teh 'weirdness' of nighthoover and kind of dark and night-like to accentueate teh 'whatyoucallig' of nighthoover just like in fact, the ''nighthoover' that featured in our storey above, neither a man, nor a woman, neither tall or short, neither fat nor thin, neither intiidting or slight, neither with presence or without, neither etc., etc.,

Plus if it's a silouette in a doorway you can't tell if nighthoover is entering or leaving or entering only to leave.

*practical mode ON*
Alright, to summarise what we have so far:
Night sky, a doorway, and a silhouette of a vague figure holding a hoover. I think it's good, though perhaps a bit too complicated.

Any other opinions?