h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

at that moment kylie appeared,
'spin me round roun, spin me round round'
She yelled, frantically pulling a giant octupus off her face.
Unfortunately, for her at least, at that precise moment, well, a good couple of miliseconds after in reality, but lets not be too picky, The door, standing next the post box, and which had a neon sign above it saying 'Exit', opened, and George formby ran through, yelling blue murder.
'blue murder' George shouted.
'Blue murder', he cried again.
He laughed, frantically, and turned, seeing the octupus, and sending out a lightening fast twang on his banjo which caused thelobster on the park bench to explode, frightening the antilope.
The octupus, leapt from astride kylies face, and flew straight into the post box.
A moment later the octupus came out of the 'Exit', before entering the post box again.
This repeated itself, continueally, and all stood motionless, watching, until

the silence was broken by a the monotonic buzz of the neon sign finally deciding to give up and turning off with a loud "twang".
Kylie was the first to speak.
"The sandwich was there!" she cried "Ludicrous! Ambiguous! Preposterous! Promiscuous!"
The lady looked her sternly in the eye until she has stopped talking, and then gave a fierce scream, such as makes a wounded seagull when it encounters the ferocious sea serpent of Aaaar swallowing a little car: "Peach Fuzz!!!!"
Kylie cowered away, not realizing that

-------We interrupt this story to bring to you a short story. A different story than this one, that is, but what we mean should have been quite obvious because it's not a very short story - the first one, that is, not the one we're interrupting the first one in order to... oh, dammit. Never mind. Anyway, here's a short story:-------

The Day Samuel The Heretic Decided To Finally Get Up And Leave, Without Telling Anybody And To The Total Astonishment Of His Friends, Who Were Especially Shocked When They Discovered He Had Taken With Him Their Car And Two Broken Deckchairs


It was definitely wrong.




-------There, I told you it'd be a short story, didn't I?-------

the eternal and dismissive force of the source was with her, guideing her, planting her destany on a firm chair, and ruffling her hair slightly, and driving her onwards, towards a chosen end which was to be and was to be so as it was to be, oh yea, and that is so. She stood, dusting down her shirt, and then she saw him, standing, tall and proud, George Formby stood, lightly

nighthoover was just around the corner, observing all the goings-on. Quite stunned by the situation left in his absence and confused by everything he saw, he swore to BoB that he'd never regain his sanity at this point. So he decided another point would be better suited to this pursuit and swam to a rocky outcropping on below Count Often's castle. It was there that he descovered a lonely daffodil and thought it might make a good friend and confidant. He began to recite poetry to the daffodil...

Owing to to the summer

Oh summer, it was beautifully with you,
much Freud and fun owes I to you.
The long days, short nights,
as if the luck with you would spend.
Now you must gehn, who autumn he approaches,
the forest in multicolored colors radiate.
Then it becomes grey and wet and coldly,
the earth rests, as more waer it old.
But one tune me correctly gladly,
because you come back - anyway.

The daffodil had no appreciation for the poetry unfortunately and...

::three way simulstory::<yikes

and then the story devided itself to three, only the third part was just a short story that blinked and then was gone; the other two parts circled each other, like bees around a daffodil flower, shouting silent curses at all the new possibilities that now stood in front of them.
Nighthoover was nowhere to be seen, so

MORNINGTON CRESCENT!!!




Ooops.. .sorry bout that. Don't know what came overme.

Billy Crier turned up and larthered everyone down with buckets of hot soapy water and shouted 'buns' at the top of his voice, much to the amusement of George Formby who was again visciously attacking Gary Linaker with his banjo, until, the two threads of teh storey seemed to touch, interwind and

finally, all became one. All became clear.
All the people stood mesmerised, watching as great light swept around them.
Nothing was heard. Not even

the sound of the local ice cream van dilivering drugs to all the local school children, but, then, suddenly, a noise began, at first, it was more a sense of a noise, and then it grew, until a creshendo was reached, and accompanying hte sound, nighthoover appeared, and the sky fell as black as night, for it was night, and the noise, the noise was the mighty hoover he held aloft. Seeing this sight, all fell before nighthoover, and very quickly

well, not exactly very quickly, it was after an hour or so when one of them, which happened to be the pizza delivery boy, which was the most sensible one among them, though by then he was so confused he could hardly breath, raised his eyes, and said:
"Why have you come? Long we have waited, O Lord, why have you come now? What do you want of us?"
And Nighthoover, magnificent in his hooverly presence, looked down at them, and said: "i want 2 cancel this account what 2 do".
And when they heard this they shuddered, because

they had run out of rasberry flavoured jelly, and whats more

do not feer I am here

I can see that, but you're destroying our story!

and what's more, they were being desturbed by a fake Nighthoover. "This cannot be," said the lady to Cound Often the Maybe, who happened to be standing nearby, "all I ever wanted was to get this parchment over my shoulder". He helped her do do, and

the dodo went on to live a very productive life. The daffodil unfortunately on hearing another 'nighthoover' was afraid it would hear more poetry and scrambled over the cliff, falling to its death. The lampposts thought this was the funniest thing they'd seen and quite a while and paused their looming for a moment to laugh out loud. The sound of laughing lampposts is not a pleasant one however...

and it drove George Formby all the way to Clacton, where he, kylie, calamaty and Dawn, lay on teh beech, enjoying the early November rain, which was itself, having no fun at all. Then, as they lay on teh beech, gradulally developing pneumonia, they realised, and they saw the darkness, and fled, as fast as they could all the way to

Mornington Crescent...which was, of course, closed. When they got there they couldn't help but notice the droves of people argueing over rule changes and spoons. Calamity seemed to like this crowd and stuck around but George, Kyle, Dawn and Darkness continued on to find some curry. They found it in a quaint little Indian/Italian/Cuban bistro called...

And then Anne Murray was found to be deep, deep in the closet....

Oooops! I meant: *Ranjit Frederico Castro's House of Ill Repute and Seafood Bar*