h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

removed all his clothes, and climbed up the ladder beneath the window, to peer restlessly into the room beyond, beyond the room beyond he saw the room beyond, and this blew him away. Or rather, would have blown him away, if it wasn't at that almost but not quite precise moment his hair began levitating, carrying him high up into the sky, where he saw, shimmering in the moon light, his banjo/uke, to which his enchanted body flew, beneath, far away, shaggy breathed, calamaty did likewise, but neither noticed George formby, as they were both bussily

looking for the missing piece, which turned out to be right behind them. They then tried to decide what the piece belonged to. It was a very strange thing indeed. It clamtered and clonged, it chiffered and shlinked, it jemstered and flenstered, it was from every perspective a crambijous gloof, and they had no idea what to do with it. Shaggy covered it with his coat and hoped that it would disappear again, but calamity was much too curious about what will happen next, so she took the missing piece and threw it up in the air. And what happened next was

Toto Moto appeared, shimmering in tomato fruit juice, and he spoke unto them and his words filled them with thoughts of fruitfulness and vegetability and it was so and it was

and all could see that it was so, and so it was that our merry company embarked once again on their hopeless quest to find an end to the ever-changing never-ending story they were in. Along they went, whistling that annoying tune from the Wizard of Oz, and the fields about them shone with an inner light of flexibility, and the sun shone above their heads like a radioactive component of some immense importance, blinding their eyes, so they didn't see Samuel the Heretic until he nearly ran into them in his stolen car. "You want to buy a broken deckchair?" he asked them, and they were dumbfounded just because it's a pretty word, and they

flowed back in astonishment, and, in the case of shaggy, in a large, blue duffle coat, though, calamaty, as is evident was not wearing such a coat. They stood, dumfounded, cept calamaty, who hopped on teh spot, recanting '1, 2, 3, I hoping to bend my knmee', the others ignored her.
Then, as their situeation looked more stupid than it had done since Shaggy first took up the position of waiter in the fast food empire of Wonko Winstone Wilba White, a savour came to them.
A sharp 'poke', a quick'cough', and befoer them stood Toto Moto, lord of all the peoples of the tribe of Sandwich.
He stood, fcing shaggy and co, and their source of pertibation. He spoke, and they cowared...
'My peoples, my peoples of the tribe of Sandwich, stand, sit, and lay about as lazy dogs on a summers afternoon, and what for is their presence, that is what you have come to find out is it not/?'
Toto Moto let the question hang in the air, grasping a small sky hook, handly placed for just such an ocasion.
'We, my peoples, Toto Moto, and George's cusin, are here, and you know not why.'
He stood soaking up teh scilence, and consequently growing sligjhtly larger, as the scilence filled out his gerkin.
'I toto Moto, come to you, to give you the words of the Nontable, to bestow on you the power of knowledge, to show how the great One True Bob, and his only son, the One True Son of the One True Bob, do in kind, and are in kind, revered by that of the Tomato fruit, and, whatsmore, how we, the people of teh Tribe of Sandwich, and my faithful right and left handmen, Swift with Sandwich, and Slayer of Sandwich, do talk of none other than'
Toto Moto paused again, partially for effect and partly to take many deep breaths, having forgotten to include much punctuetion in his sentence, and thereby nearly afixiating himself.
'I speak of the Egg Sandwich, and'
He paused again, this time only for the effect. Shaggy stood stunned, and his duffle coat quivered slightly in teh breeze, the others were kneeling now, in front of Toto Moto, Lord high leader of th tribe of Sandwich.
'The Egg and Tomato Sandwich', he Finished with a flurry and turned to Shaggy and the gang's adversary, and spoke

'Death to the grilled tomato salesmen in their disguises as serving attendants at wild game restaurants', or to put it in plain english,

'You, your people, your peoples people, your daughters, sons, whife and all manners of relations from Grandparents to your horses groom are themselves as responsible as a natured feckle of your own pertivitated cause to which you have devoted the evil lines of the fallen grace to which you yourself must indeed fall, and in foiling your evil plans, and your despicible dispicible, plans, that your unnighthooverlyness hows a lack of respect for the One True Bob, and your unnontableness and unnontability is as a rendered nag to teh blackbird on the wire, so your non acceptence of tomato fruit stasis, and the Egg and Tomato Sandwich as the highest plane of reality, standing as it does mightier than the Holy Egg Sandwich of the Tribe of Sandwich, lead, by myself, and for this, for this hanious crime, for all the evils you pack like a tightly strapped suitcase, will as in the way of such a suitcase at Hethrow airport, be rendered adrift in teh void, its contents released and abaft of their companions rendered useless on the tides of the luggage collection system, but this, this alone, cannot and willnot be the only regrete you will feel as your nonnighthooverly and nonnontabilistic tendancys render you ill gotten as a consequence of your action, for there is, nor ought there be, anything, so revered on teh face of Bob's great plannet as that which is the prince of foods, the

king of sandwiches, the..."
They stopped listening at this point and went away. The sun was still shining, and calamity was still hopping about in an annoying sort of way, so they ignored her, and the road stretched before them like a cat does when it wakes up, and Shaggy took off his blue duffelcoat and hung it on a passing good intention, which said "thank you" and disappeared in a puff of yellow dust. The birds were fluttering about like the distant remains of a mass demonstration, the flowers were happily chirping in the hedges, and the sky came down to see what all the noise was about and got caught in a puddle. Everything seemed fine, so they knew that there's another weird twist coming soon. And they were right, because

it was just as they began to really get their fear organised internally into a well organised fear, that the evil Daydyson appeared, holding in his hands the evil carpet cleaning utensil of the day, the Dyson.
Shaggy leapt over puddles in astonishment, and puddles, iddly bit his leg, Shaggy letting out a 'eek', and a few feathers, but the feathers were not important, but neither was the 'eek'. Calamaty strode to Daydyson, and hit him over the head with a car radio that she had stolen some time earlier from a broken down, and disused Saab which had been fired besides the edge of the road somewhere down the A12 near Norwich. The Car radio made a kind of 'churrpy churrpy chick chick' noise as it clanged against eh metal head of daydyson, and calamaty was startled, realising that the evil daydyson was a robot.
Shaggy, still trying to get the cat Puddles off his leg, started on in disbelief, Disbelief being a small village on teh outskirts of Milton Keynes. All appeared most bizzare, and if it wasn't for Lional Blair appearing besides them in a VW camper van, Shaggy mighten very well have had to resort to crying 'Thelma', but Lional Blair did turn up in a VW camper van, so at least Shaggy didn't have to shout 'Thelma', but calamaty, not seeing the VW camper van, being irationally driven by Lional Blair, merely stood, in front of the Evil Daydyson robot and

cried, for she understood the wrongness of her ways but couldn't remember the name of the car radio's owner.
A shrill cry was heard in the air, as of a lost child that had suddenly run into a ghost, and everybody ducked for cover, except for Shaggy that was never very fond of ducks. At least the cat let go of his leg, he thought, and started running away towards the VW camper van, that was now deserted. He got inside and drove away from the whole mess, only to be hit a few minutes later by the same train that we left so many posts ago to roam in the ocean. He was now bitten, cold, soaked in ocean water, and dead, and he found that very irritating.
The Daydyson robot came to examine the car-wreck. "Dirty" he said in a metal voice, and

was about to start up his evil Dyson machine, in the glaire of the bright summer sunshine, which shone down from teh sun like light in teh summer at midday shinning down from teh sun, when, to further complicate matters, as if a horse had rampaged through a shopping mall, another twist was about to devleop in the storeyline, only, as the twist began to occur, the whole storeyline caved in under the stress of so many twists and recoiled, sending all the characters back, in a circul, to the beginning og the storey, where they stood, somewhat shocked by the unravelling of the many twists in teh storey thus far, and stood in wonder, at the circularity of it all, what comes around goes around, Shaggy thought, as again he saw the post box, and wondered if, in true circular fasion they would, for all eternity be thurst back to this point, as if a savage and cruel twist of fate was destined to foreever throw them back as in a cruel twist of fate, as was, often, Shaggy contemplated, the way of cruel twists of fate... But not all was as it was the first time they had stood in this place, because

he was, he suddenly remembered, dead.
"I don't like this at all" he said, and came back to life, drawing everybody's attention from the manic dawn that was now disappearing behind the horizon, smiling a drunkard's smile. Night had come once again, and a small tribe of daffodils decided to crown Shaggy as their messiah. He found himself knee-deep in yellow sweet-smelling flowers, which was a very bad time for it because Puddles picked exactly this moment to jump on to his shoulder, knocking off his balance and leaving him lying on the floor breathing like a fish.
"Oh no, what now?" he thought, when he saw

something rather

No, its not allowed.

n i g h t h o o v e r

e l b a t n o n

Don't be silly, everybody can contribute, as long as they're mad enough, of course.

A very nighthooverly weekend to you all

[My new motto: To insanity and beyond!]

No, you're not allowed unless you've got a paperclip

Ouch! Careful, you'll have someone's eye out with that!

en garde!

I cna't help it!


Lokk, i can make it into a giraffe shape