h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

yea oh yea, lettuce ave a thousand thousand yeas Oh yea n
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oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea a thousand times n i g h t h o o v e r

Oh yea lettuce

Amd. kivo lettuce not be led as tray by wirery men of old, with Pirate Beards of black and fruit, that talketh of pride and of tree, and of valley and of free, and lettuce say 'hay loon, off ye bike yaza now hay, right innit?' Oh yea

And may the qumquats be most juiciful and the sunflower sedes most crnuchy with just the right amount of salt. And may the road be free of potholes as we journey downt to proseletize the word of the Nighthoover. for as the jurnoey is long we will be in the need of snacks and the fredeom of kidney jarring jolts. Ooooh, and we will be in the need of Nehi grape soda as well. Lettuce spray most mrrrly, a men.


Count Zero,

Yea mrrly so n i g h t h o o v e r

...discovered one!

One what?

Or do you mean, "Oh, Most wholey discovered one, lettuce spry most mrrly"?

No?

Huh?

Ne'ermind.


Count Zero,

3-2-1-0000000

is tghat suffice?

yeah

Yea, mrrly and frrly so lettuce pay fromage lettuce read most furiously
The hooverbs


1:1 The Hooverbs of nighthoover, the father of Vaccuman, king of the small spaces at the back of pieces of furniture where much Dust does collect, created as a consequence of the skirting board being proud of the wall by half an inch, therefore having the effect of preventing furniture from sitting flush with the wall; The one true son of the one true bob, all round good prophet, and wonderous and most yea and merrily so sucketh prophet, oh yea;

1:2 Too know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of the Prophet;

1:3 To receive the instruction of the Prophet nighthoover, to hoover, and possess Nighthooverability Hooverability, and Nighthooverlyness;

1:4 To give Dust-free stasis to the Dust-ridden, to the Nonnighthooverly man Nighthooverability and Nighthooverlyness. To sucketh most mrrily so, oh yea;

1:5 A wise man will hoover, and will increase nighthooverability; and a man of nighthooverability shall attain unto wise Hooverlyness and Nighthooverlyness:

1:6 To understand Hoover, Hooverlyness,, Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability, and the interpretation; the words of the Prophet, and their Nighthooverly and Hooverable sayings.

1:7 The fear of the Dust is the beginning of Hooverness: but fools despise Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability. For the unnighthooverly, the fools, oh yea, not them sucketh mightily in the kingdom of the hoover, for as such it is so, oh yea;

1:8 My son, hear the instruction of Nighthoover, and forsake not the law of thy Hoover:

1:9 For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. And merrily those that not entangle thi hoover leads, oh yea;

1:10 My son, if Nonnighthooverly sinners entice thee, consent thou not.

1:11 If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for dark and dank filth, let us lurk presently for the Hoover-innocent without cause:

1:12 Let us swallow them up alive as the dirt; and whole, as those that go down into the pub:

1:13 We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with Hoover:

1:14 Cast in thy hoover among us; let us all have one Hoovermandment:

1:15 My son, walk not thou in the way with them and their dark dank filth of much Dust; refrain thy foot from their Dust-ridden path, and sucketh mightly and merril so, oh yea:

1:16 For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed Dust.

1:17 Surely in vain the hoover is spread in the Guide of any Dust ridden except for those that Devote.

1:18 And they lay wait for their own Dust; they lurk privately for their own Nonnighthooverlyness.

1:19 So are the ways of everyone that is greedy for Nonnighthooverlyness; which taketh away the life of the owners thereof.

1:20 Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets:

1:21 She crieth nighthoover in the chief place of Hooverability, in the openings of the skirting board: in the city she uttereth her words, saying,

1:22 How long, ye simple ones, will ye loath Hooverability and the Prophet? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate all that is hoover and hooverable in its endorsements and mask. And sucketh not th eunnighthooverly, mrily so it be seen, and despise, oh yea,

1:23 Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my Nighthooverlyness unto you, I will make known my Nighthooverability unto you.

1:24 Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my Hoover, and no man regarded;

1:25 But ye have set at nought all my nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, and would none of my reproof:

1:26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your Dust-fear cometh;

1:27 When your hoover-fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a Non-Hooverable spirit; when distress and Dust cometh upon you.

1:28 Then shall they call upon the Prophet, but the Prophet will not answer; they shall seek the Prophet early, but they shall not find the Prophet:

1:29 For that they hated Nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, and Nighthoovermandments of the mighty one, and did not choose the fear of the non-hooverly dust-removal products, they did not, basically, maan, sucketh as mightly as merrily so the ones that say ‘yea’, a thousand times:

1:30 They would hear none of the Prophet, nor that of the High Priest and his most Nighthooverly, Nighthooverable and Nighthoovermantra counsel: they despised all the Hoovery Nighthooverness and nighthooverability of the Prophet, the high priest and the Devotees.

1:31 Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own Dust, and be filled with their own Dust filfth and general all round dirt that hath collected through their non-Nighthooverly mannerisms.

1:32 For the turning away of the Prophets declared High Priest shall slay them, and for those who do not recognise that the High Priest speaketh of the Prophet in truths shall be destroyed in turns of Dust.

1:33 But whoever so hear come unto the rule, and words of the Prophet nighthoover, shall dwell safely, and shall be free from the fear of the evil, Dark, Dank, filth of the Dust, which otherwise lay waste to the non-believers in their NonNighthooverly ways of Nonnighthooverlyness. For yea, they not sucketh mightily at all, to be sure to be sure.

2:1 My son, if thou wilt receive my hoover, and hide my hoovermmandments with thee;

2:2 So that thou incline thine ear unto Nighthooverability, and apply thine heart to the way of the Hoover that cometh at night;

2:3 Yea, if thou search after Nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, Nighthooverly ways and the one true mighty prophet called Nighthoover, that is of the highest Nighthooverability of all, and liftest up thy voice for the Prophet;

2:4 If thou seekest Nighthooverlyness as silver, and searchest for Nighthoover and Nighthooverability as for hid treasures;

2:5 Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Prophet’s words, and find the Nighthooverability hooverly ways and Nighthooverlyness in truth of Nighthoover.

2:6 For the prophet Nighthoover giveth Nighthooverability: out of Nighthoover’s Hoover cometh Nighthooverlyness and Hooverable things of all manner, freedom from Dark, Dank filth of that which be Dust. Forget ye not, that for all the thousand yeas is the nighthooverly way, and forget ye not as well, that the prophet sucketh most mightily of all, even moreso that the high priest, oh yea, believe it or not.

2:7 Nighthoover layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: Nighthoover is a buckler to them that walk uprightly.

2:8 Nighthoover keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of the Hoover of nighthooverability, hooverly ways and Nighthooverly peoples. For, oh yea, hoppie and most excellent be this, kid ye not peoples.

2:9 Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and Hooverability, and the way of the Hoover; yea, every good Hoover.

2:10 When Nighthooverability and Hooverrlyness enter into thine heart, and Hoover is pleasant unto thy soul;

2:11 Discretion shall preserve thee, Nighthooverability shall keep thee:

2:12 To deliver thee from the way of the evil Unnighthooverly man, from the man that speaketh of Dust things;

2:13 Who leave the paths of Nighthooverability, to walk in the ways of Dust and dank really rather horrible dirt;

2:14 Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the unnighthooverlinessness of the non believers, and sucketh most frequently and merrily mightly so as such one can;

2:15 Whose ways are dirtyed, and they are Unhooverly in their paths:

2:16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with Hoover words;

2:17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her Nighthooverlyness.

if only you'd put as much effort into work, or did you cut n paste that?

Work?! i would* put as much effort into work, if I had a job I did however cut and paste I've got the completed* books up as guide entrys somewhere ::
The hooverbs


1:1 The Hooverbs of nighthoover, the father of Vaccuman, king of the small spaces at the back of pieces of furniture where much Dust does collect, created as a consequence of the skirting board being proud of the wall by half an inch, therefore having the effect of preventing furniture from sitting flush with the wall; The one true son of the one true bob, all round good prophet, and wonderous and most yea and merrily so sucketh prophet, oh yea;

1:2 Too know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of the Prophet;

1:3 To receive the instruction of the Prophet nighthoover, to hoover, and possess Nighthooverability Hooverability, and Nighthooverlyness;

1:4 To give Dust-free stasis to the Dust-ridden, to the Nonnighthooverly man Nighthooverability and Nighthooverlyness. To sucketh most mrrily so, oh yea;

1:5 A wise man will hoover, and will increase nighthooverability; and a man of nighthooverability shall attain unto wise Hooverlyness and Nighthooverlyness:

1:6 To understand Hoover, Hooverlyness,, Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability, and the interpretation; the words of the Prophet, and their Nighthooverly and Hooverable sayings.

1:7 The fear of the Dust is the beginning of Hooverness: but fools despise Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability. For the unnighthooverly, the fools, oh yea, not them sucketh mightily in the kingdom of the hoover, for as such it is so, oh yea;

1:8 My son, hear the instruction of Nighthoover, and forsake not the law of thy Hoover:

1:9 For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. And merrily those that not entangle thi hoover leads, oh yea;

1:10 My son, if Nonnighthooverly sinners entice thee, consent thou not.

1:11 If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for dark and dank filth, let us lurk presently for the Hoover-innocent without cause:

1:12 Let us swallow them up alive as the dirt; and whole, as those that go down into the pub:

1:13 We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with Hoover:

1:14 Cast in thy hoover among us; let us all have one Hoovermandment:

1:15 My son, walk not thou in the way with them and their dark dank filth of much Dust; refrain thy foot from their Dust-ridden path, and sucketh mightly and merril so, oh yea:

1:16 For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed Dust.

1:17 Surely in vain the hoover is spread in the Guide of any Dust ridden except for those that Devote.

1:18 And they lay wait for their own Dust; they lurk privately for their own Nonnighthooverlyness.

1:19 So are the ways of everyone that is greedy for Nonnighthooverlyness; which taketh away the life of the owners thereof.

1:20 Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets:

1:21 She crieth nighthoover in the chief place of Hooverability, in the openings of the skirting board: in the city she uttereth her words, saying,

1:22 How long, ye simple ones, will ye loath Hooverability and the Prophet? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate all that is hoover and hooverable in its endorsements and mask. And sucketh not th eunnighthooverly, mrily so it be seen, and despise, oh yea,

1:23 Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my Nighthooverlyness unto you, I will make known my Nighthooverability unto you.

1:24 Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my Hoover, and no man regarded;

1:25 But ye have set at nought all my nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, and would none of my reproof:

1:26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your Dust-fear cometh;

1:27 When your hoover-fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a Non-Hooverable spirit; when distress and Dust cometh upon you.

1:28 Then shall they call upon the Prophet, but the Prophet will not answer; they shall seek the Prophet early, but they shall not find the Prophet:

1:29 For that they hated Nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, and Nighthoovermandments of the mighty one, and did not choose the fear of the non-hooverly dust-removal products, they did not, basically, maan, sucketh as mightly as merrily so the ones that say ‘yea’, a thousand times:

1:30 They would hear none of the Prophet, nor that of the High Priest and his most Nighthooverly, Nighthooverable and Nighthoovermantra counsel: they despised all the Hoovery Nighthooverness and nighthooverability of the Prophet, the high priest and the Devotees.

1:31 Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own Dust, and be filled with their own Dust filfth and general all round dirt that hath collected through their non-Nighthooverly mannerisms.

1:32 For the turning away of the Prophets declared High Priest shall slay them, and for those who do not recognise that the High Priest speaketh of the Prophet in truths shall be destroyed in turns of Dust.

1:33 But whoever so hear come unto the rule, and words of the Prophet nighthoover, shall dwell safely, and shall be free from the fear of the evil, Dark, Dank, filth of the Dust, which otherwise lay waste to the non-believers in their NonNighthooverly ways of Nonnighthooverlyness. For yea, they not sucketh mightily at all, to be sure to be sure.

2:1 My son, if thou wilt receive my hoover, and hide my hoovermmandments with thee;

2:2 So that thou incline thine ear unto Nighthooverability, and apply thine heart to the way of the Hoover that cometh at night;

2:3 Yea, if thou search after Nighthooverability, Nighthooverlyness, Nighthooverly ways and the one true mighty prophet called Nighthoover, that is of the highest Nighthooverability of all, and liftest up thy voice for the Prophet;

2:4 If thou seekest Nighthooverlyness as silver, and searchest for Nighthoover and Nighthooverability as for hid treasures;

2:5 Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Prophet’s words, and find the Nighthooverability hooverly ways and Nighthooverlyness in truth of Nighthoover.

2:6 For the prophet Nighthoover giveth Nighthooverability: out of Nighthoover’s Hoover cometh Nighthooverlyness and Hooverable things of all manner, freedom from Dark, Dank filth of that which be Dust. Forget ye not, that for all the thousand yeas is the nighthooverly way, and forget ye not as well, that the prophet sucketh most mightily of all, even moreso that the high priest, oh yea, believe it or not.

2:7 Nighthoover layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: Nighthoover is a buckler to them that walk uprightly.

2:8 Nighthoover keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of the Hoover of nighthooverability, hooverly ways and Nighthooverly peoples. For, oh yea, hoppie and most excellent be this, kid ye not peoples.

2:9 Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and Hooverability, and the way of the Hoover; yea, every good Hoover.

2:10 When Nighthooverability and Hooverrlyness enter into thine heart, and Hoover is pleasant unto thy soul;

2:11 Discretion shall preserve thee, Nighthooverability shall keep thee:

2:12 To deliver thee from the way of the evil Unnighthooverly man, from the man that speaketh of Dust things;

2:13 Who leave the paths of Nighthooverability, to walk in the ways of Dust and dank really rather horrible dirt;

2:14 Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the unnighthooverlinessness of the non believers, and sucketh most frequently and merrily mightly so as such one can;

2:15 Whose ways are dirtyed, and they are Unhooverly in their paths:

2:16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with Hoover words;

2:17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her Nighthooverlyness.

does anyone ever read those? or just scroll past em as i do?

I just read this one... and also this one from the 10,000 thread (I as well will cut and paste because this is just so nighthooverly to be repeated here...)

And so, as the high priest 2legs read, (by the neon light of a Newcastle Brown Ale sign I believe...):


And yea, mrrly so, for when it was that it were said then so it was said, and mrrly so in its saying was it said, oh yea, a thousand times yea, and lest us not listen to those unnighthooverly peoples who do try to lead us a s tray with their offers of unnighthooverly things, and yea, a thousand thousand yeas, for the bearded piolet leed us not into nighthooverdon but into unnighthooverly ways, and lettuce not relenquent that which was said, the way in which it was said and how indeed say it so, lettuce read lettuce read the words of the prophet for is not nighthoover, the true ruler of the small space at the back of pieces of furniture, created as a result of the skirting board being proud of the wall by half an inch, therefore having the consequence of preventing furniture, such as wall units, from sitting flush with the wall
Nighthoover, the prophet, the mighty one, the most Hooverly of beings
letrtuce spry mrrly, and readeth from the great book ::::
Hooclesiastes

or

The hooverer


1:1 The words of the Preachers, the followers of nighthoover, king of all.

1:2 hooverly followers of Nighthoover, saith the Preacher, Nighthoovers of Hooverlyness; all is hoover. Oh yea, for it is so, a thousand yeas for it is so, and yea again, lettuce sucketh all as mightly as we may, oh yea.

1:3 What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the hoover?

1:4 One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the Hoover abideth for ever.

1:5 The sun also ariseth, and the sun go down, and has knowledge to Hoover at that sacred place of Hoovering, at night where it was that the Hoover of the night, and the prophet, Nighthoover arose.

1:6 The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to how much flatulence has brewed.

1:7 All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not as full as a full Hoover; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return like the dust from a full Hoover bag, again.

1:8 All things are full of limpid dusty wretched junk; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing dust, nor the ear filled with dark dank wretched nasty things that lurk behind the cushion on the sofa.

1:9 The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is dust is that which shall be dust: and there is no new thing under the dust except that for which all true disciples must search, absence of dark dank dusty things of filth and disgust.

1:10 Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is beer, called ale? It hath been already of old time, which was before us and our drinking.

1:11 There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after oh yea.

1:12 I the Preacher was drunk on ale and certainly couldn’t remember what it was that had happened, or what was to happened, such are the well laid plans of those that drink as the prophet did, and does to arise at the time of the removal of the dust, the time called night, the hooverly hour.

1:13 And I gave my disciples to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are dust, dank, wretched in the dirty respect of filth and dank dusty and such, under carpet, sofa, and cat: this sore travail hath Nighthoover given to the sons of all that stand in reverence of the prophet and the Hooverly ways, to be exercised therewith and at the appropriate time.

1:14 I have seen all the works that are done under the dust; and, quite frankly I’m bluddy disgusted at the level of clenliness demonstrated by those that don’t uphold the prophets ways of drink before hoover, and never hoover when the big round thing floatith so damm annoyingly in the middle of the big blue thing.

1:15 That which is Dusty can be made dustless: but, that which is wanting ale cannot be served outside the system of licensing, and damm that several times over also.

1:16 I communed with mine own ale, saying, Lo, oh yea, I am come to this state, and a thousand yeas have gotten more drunk than all they that have been before me in this place, and grill: yea, my ale had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.

1:17 And I gave my ale to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is hooverly as is the inebriated state in which the act must consume, of hoover-like nature and preserve.

1:18 For in much drunkenness is much Hoovering at the appropiate time: and he that increaseth drunkenness increaseth Hooverability.

2:1 I said in mine floor-facing state, Go to now, I will prove thee with Hoover, therefore enjoy pleasure: and, behold, this also is about as Hooverly as a really, really, amazingly Hooverly thing, and that is just so true.

2:2 I said of laughter, It is mad: I am mad, the Hoover is plugged in, I am mad, the laughter is mad, The Hoover is mad, the dust is mad, I am mad, my ale is a banana and the table leg is half way to calling a petunia a Hoover cable, like as not it is ale, and ale that it is, is that shall be drunk, and I wondered what it was I was getting at, as did most of the gathered peoples about, and of Hoover, What doeth it?

2:3 I sought in mine Hoover to give myself unto ale of the greatest quality and quantity, yet acquainting mine Hoover with Hooverness; and to lay hold on park benches, till I might see what was that good for the men that did lay so, which they should do under the discarded cardboard boxes to their seeming enjoyment, but at this point nothing made too much sense, except the continuing groovyness of the Hooverly way, the table leg as Hooverly as a petunia floated up the lamppost and this I did note. But oh yea, in the perceived madness all was still most nighthooverly and hooverable and wonderous and mightly so it sucketh merrily so, for this was good so mindeth not did the man.

2:4 I made me hooverly works; I builded me hoovers; I planted me vineyards:

2:5 I made me home brewed ale and wine, and I planted pertunias in the table legs which did seemeth to give much pleasure of all door handles kind of like biscuit fruits:

2:6 I made me pools of water, to water therewith when a toilet seemed distant or unhooverly in its quasi madness:

2:7 I got me servants and maidens, though the servants took me to my house, telling me to sobre, but there blue flashing lights cast night light as if to hoover by; also I had great hooverly possessions of hoover and kebab above all that were in fasionable buttons:

2:8 I gathered me also hoover cable and several adaptor pieces that did attach to the hoover, and the peculiar treasure of the hooverly and of the exhibited: I gat me men singers and women singers, and the delights of karaoke in the pub on a Sunday were realised, as musical instruments, and that of all sorts lead to much more drinking than normal, cause it really was that bad, and don[‘t you believe it, cause it was ransid like shoelaces.

2:9 So I was drunk, and increased the petunia’s more than all that were before me in line for the urinal: also my hooverability remained with me. Oh yea, for though this was most probably good, it most certainly seemed strange, and more than a little nighthooverly in some strange manner, oh yea.

2:10 And whatsoever mine ale desired I cradled the ale like a hoover, I withheld not my Hoover from any joy; for my Hoover rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of Hoovering at night, after the pub, in the way as it should always be.

2:11 Then I looked on all the dust and dark dank filth that Hooverly ways, hooverability and hoover had banished, and on the hooverly way that I had laboured to do: and, behold, all was hoover and hooverly of hoover, and there was no profit under the sun, for night was the right time as such to be.

2:12 And I turned myself to behold nighthoover, and madness, and folly: for what can the man do that cometh after the prophet called nighthoover, hooverly and all hoover and night? even that which hath been already Hoovered, can be done so again in reverence to the one true mighty one called nighthoover.

2:13 Then I saw that hoover removed dust, as far as ale removed something I think I might have forgotten, damm it.

2:14 The wise man's eyes are in his head; but the fool walketh in darkness: and I myself perceived also that one event happeneth to them all.

2:15 Then said I in my ale, As it happeneth to the fool, so it happeneth even to me; and why was I then more hooverly? Then I said in my ale, that this also Is hooverly.






Amen, yea virully!!!

Count Zero,

aeh ylrrmos ecuttel yrps

i get hayfever

*sneezes
I get nighthoover

you get that too?! i thought that was just my cat!

Used to get hayfever, but suddenly stopped getting it a few years back must have bene the power of nighthoover

wat no nighthoover? n i g h t h o o v e r lettuce spry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .