h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've been training a worm to tunnel through soil a bit. He's having trouble lifting up a piece of coal but with a bit of training we can have the British mining industry up and running again.

*hatches a plot*

Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I will rid the world of women

*unleashes his vast army of moths and spiders*


Pssst Pu - can I borrow some of your worms?

If this is some dastardly plot by the 'illuminati' should we not enlist the aid of their nemisessess ( or whatever the plural of nemesis is )'The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu'

Orcus, have you got a pencil thin moustache to go with that laugh, or are you going to train a caterpillar?

I'll have a load of worms tomorrow it's tipping down outside.
Why don't they line their tunnels with something, or use brollies?

He he! I am a slug balancer extraordinare

I think we need all the help we can get, especially the way our cricketers are failing at the moment. We need to question the ant and find out some more details if possible.

Worms are attracted by rain I believe, this fact is very useful to all prospective worm trainers.

Thankyou Comrade Rumble. I have a watering can at my disposal for this very purpose.My worm always pops his little head out when I dampen the soil.

Sorry Orcus, I only have one worm at present. But that's the amazing thing about using worm power. Just chop 'em in half and you've instantly doubled the workforce!

It's got to be better than training wasps (shudder)

*naive- why would you want to rid the world of women anyway?

Yes, tell us Orcus, why do you want to rid the world of women?

Amy the definitely-an-ant-and-not-a-woman-at-all-oh-no

An Ant! An Ant! Kill it, quick!

Well I don't restrict it to women per se, its just that they seem to be most at risk from moths and in general and so that begins my plot to rid the world of humans!

Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Besides, being an ant, wouldn't you be all for this?
Just think, no more being stepped on and flushed out of your nest with evil ant killer.

Shock! The twisted blackhearted fiend!

I've just been tricked into bisecting my little worm pal,( now called Syd and Eddie)

I didn't know I was party to an evil plot to wipe out humanity!

You're too kind my friend

The evil ant killers haven't got me yet - and probably never will.



*adjusts Lara Croft-style battle pyjamas and looks fierce*

Don´t forget about The Roach. A group of cybernetically enchanced cockroaches going for world domination. Equipped with cameras, microphones and radio-telepathy to give them hive-consciousness. They were also developed by the Evil Empire, presumeably for use in quake struck places to search for survivors but we all know better.

"Stomping is futile"

"Stomping is futile"

"Insecticide" is irrelevant

ah now, but with the threat of nuclear war all but gone, the chances of giant killer cock roaches ruling the world is a thin one.

my bets on bees/hornets/wasps as anything that can get rid of makauly Kaulcin (or however you spell his name) gets my vote.

Any one got any boiling water to tip on that ant (in battle pyjamas,has she been trained to wear those or just brainwashed into thinking she's wearing them?)

I believe the roaches are more of a back-up plan. In the end the insects will be crushed by their overlords just like us humans will. I would go with a Prawn/Wasp first wave then giant crab-iraffes and scorpi-pards.

I would advise to capture but not kill the ant, someone distract her and then we should all rush in.

Erm. If we're all going to die horribly anyway, why bother with these freaks of nature?
How do you get a crab to sh*g a giraffe anyway? Do you just stick him up there on top of a big pole?
Plus, there's no way of knowing what the little nippers will look like....
P.S. Does anyone know anything about this crushing of overlords? When is it? Will it be on telly?

P.P.S. Can I have Syd back now please?

They use cutting edge genetic splicing to combine the two species. I haven't seen any live ones but I did see a sketch once, very scary.

The "freaks of nature" are the tools of our destruction as the Overlords will be unable (politically) to make an overt move.

I believe the overlords will be able to watch on their televisions, we will not be so lucky.

*uts in, entering directly from the University molecular genetics lab

bet you never seen an insect like this but first, see how well this slug is trainined to balance perfectly on my upper lip-area or what

*takes brolly from left welly to protect against deluges of boiling water*