h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think there's a pattern here Xan.

I have never had any sucess from *attempts* to attract women. Of the guys I know who've been sucessful at what we might call "pulling" the women they have attracted despite having exotic looks and erotic behaviours those women have rarely turned out to be good long term partners. The same is pretty much true when the genders are reversed.

Since I stopped trying to pull I have had a much more fruitful time in the dating game. OK its not all been unmitigated sucess, relationships are sometimes tempestuous and the fallout can be painful and expensive, but attracting people is not something you should do by conceit.

Its for the best if people like AND dislike you for who you really are. The other way lies madness. You will become obssessed with maintaing the image that brought you together and they will get cranky when you drop the pretence thay bought into.

At the moment Im in my most sucessful and happiest relationship ever has come out of my life long obsession with sport. I hung out with lots of burly men, rolling in mud and taking showers together. I started telling other people how to do it and ended up coaching a womens team one of the women players sister liked the cut of my jib...

I did not worry about the colour of my shirt or how much aftershave to wear. I did not waste time and money in bars I dont like looking for a woman.

Love is what you do. Its not something you find. The harder you look for it the less time money and energy you will have for what really matters.

Im utterly aghast and a little dissapointed for you at your craven attitude to your own education and future,
"the chances of finding a girl before then are looking quite bad. Which is annoying, as that was the main reason I went to uni in the first place".

I personally think anyone who cant be happy with themself is going to find anyone who is hapy to be with them. I hope your studies and exams go well and if they do the best thing you can do for yourself is to go and follow your own passions. Be someone who attracts people, who is interested in people and not some sappy date hound.

Plus, there is this old old illusion that WE decide. No way, brothers. TGEY do. And their lie detectors are not bribable.

Who are TGEY? The Great Elusive Yeti? Tall Guys Enjoying Yoga?

That was a typo, but maybe freudean. Tall Girls Enjoying Yoga...gives me ideas.

"Love is what you do. Its not something you find. The harder you look for it the less time money and energy you will have for what really matters."

Generally I'd agree with that. Most of my 'encounters' have come as a result of the normal twists and turns of life. Internet dating for example hardly got me anywhere.

That said, I will put the caveat that you have to be putting in some effort.

My suspicion is that the easiest way for anyone to meet people is to be very smiley, very approachable, and friendly. Seems rather obvious yet I don't think most of us are! Oh ... and then the difficult bit is swallowing your pride and asking for a date and being willing to risk rejection ...

I´ve just become rather disillusion with academic education, after meeting so many who have been unable to use their degrees for anything. The last place I worked full-time, I think half the people doing the same job as me had degrees, and not in fine arts.

I´ve gone through periods where I haven´t cared and times where I´ve been actively looking. On the whole, things have gone better when I have been looking.

The girl who is coming over for dinner tommorow wants to bring a friend. It will have to do I guess.

Ooh yeah ... I had the 'chaperone' situation a couple of times in the dim and distant ... It's pretty much a guaranteed "We're not on a date" tactic ...

Well ... despite your concerns ... you seem to be doing ok at getting dates / some kind of contact with the opposite sex ... just keep plugging away and asking ...

Yes it does seem to be mainly a way of saying "Don´t think you´re getting anywhere!". It already took about a year to get this far.
Spending time with women in general is not the hardest part, the hardest part is getting them to not run away at the slightest hint of anything non-platonic. Most dates I´ve had has been due to the women not realizing they were meant as dates.

Oh boy, you´re in trouble. Bringing a friend might mean

a) she is interested, and
b) she is interested enough to want a second opinion.

Be your best but be yourself is all I can say - and I´ll keep fingers crossed.

Well I cleaned the whole house, bought wine, ice cream and spent a while making a nice dinner. Now I´ve been waiting for two hours for her to either show up or answer my phone calls.

Maybe she's still washing her hair

>>..phone calls<<



No, no. You call _once_ to express your concern that she's not had some horrific accident.

Then, after a decent interval, you enjoy your meal while it's still hot, the ice cream while it's still frozen, and the wine just to drown your sorrow...

Well it was only two calls if that makes it seem better. Now I have enough expensive food for four people, I guess I should invite some friends over tommorow.

Two is cool



If I lived a bit closer I'd invite myself over...

Bon appetit

Stop it Xan, stop trying. Stop fretting about how to "ask a girl out" or being upset because she want's to bring her friend.

Back in my single days if I invited a woman over to mine and she said she wanted to bring a friend along Id be thinking "double bubble"

Give people the chance to find out what you are like, but stop being the way you are because Im guessing that like me that you are a bit obssesed and might look like what we used to call a "fanny rat". Someone overly concerned with pulling. Im not advocating any "treat em mean to keep em keen" detached collness but trust me it makes a world of differnce if you seem interested in people rather than appearing to be a lovelorn skirt chaser.

I hope you dont find anyone you really like for a while because the real shame would be for you to do that in your current state and lose her because of your immature neediness. Im not saying you're a bad person but it is a bad way of thinking hopefully once you've gone through this natural phase you'll find what you need, but its unlikely to be what you want right now. Trust me, Ive been there.

I dont Sophie. I really like her and what to spend the rest of my life making a family with her. Getting to know her while we grow and do things together. All those things are the "love", lying on beaches together and taking out the recyling. Its not just hearts and flowers is finding someone whose laundry you're prepared to pick up too.

How did you move out of that phase then Blicky?

Good question!

From too many painful experiences in my late teens and early 20's mostly coupled with a bit of conselling and guidance from some good friends.

The wisdom that comes from failure didnt bring nirvana, just different problems but I think Im learning how to get over the bumps more smoothly as time goes by.

Thing is this thread has been going for 8 or so and some people are still asking the same question.

Just rereading your first post of the page BB ... this bit stuck out ...

"Of the guys I know who've been sucessful at what we might call "pulling" the women they have attracted despite having exotic looks and erotic behaviours those women have rarely turned out to be good long term partners."

I recently read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It's his story of how he went from complete failure with women to worldclass pickup artist. I don't think he says it outright but I think he echoed your sentiments there about the types of women he got good at picking up.

However at the end of the book he ends up with a women who he is only able to pull by going back to his complete nerd persona. She just isn't interested in him when he's playing it cool, spinning her lines, being a pickup artist.

However he says that if he hadn't gone through that whole 2-3 years of being a pickup artitst and being rejected, spinning lines etc; he would never have had the confidence to believe that someone as beautiful and intelligent as her would be interested in him.

I guess you eventually get to the point where you can be yourself and you recognise that there are always plenty more fish in the sea.