h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Gossip? I seem to be doing worse at university than I did at an all-boys school. Something's definitely gone wrong somewhere.

Hmmmm, bumped into this half-italian girl I saw for a bit last year on Friday night. She bears the distinction of being the only girl I've met up with since my last relationship who I was actually interested in, rather than just another chance to get laid(Im quite picky about a certain psycho personality).And shes f*cking hot...

Anyway, I ended up leaving the club with another girl, but I got a phone call from the italian one that night asking where I'd gone. Now shes off to Italy on Wednesday for 2 weeks, but we've already arranged to hook up when she gets back...
Cool, casual pulling and sex has been getting a bit empty recently, I thought about phoning her up a few weeks back, but then injury and hospital got in the way

How glad I am my life isn't that empty

Exactly, I don't see what it has to do with Narcissus. That more reminds me of people who really love themselves.

But surely its just as vain to constantly criticise yourself as it is to overly admire yourself! vanity is obsession with appearance..in whatever form.

I wasn't talking about appearance though, more about personality. That's what I'm more concerned about.

We are what we are in that respect..anyone whod want/like you different isn't worth it..

As the Manics would have it, self disgust is self obsession.

"The reason why I'm trying to change is because I really don't like the person that I am."
Aye, I know that feeling well enough Xan. It is hard though.

It is all very easy to come out and say it is self obsession and bad, and wrong and all that sort of stuff. But if you are someone who genuinely doesn;t particularly like themselves and has for whatever reason a somewhat negative view of the chances of a change, it ain;t quite so easy. People have that world view for a reason. It might explain events in their life. It might have been a very successful and useful way to interact with the world at some point.
To change this view you do not just need to change your thinking, or your personality. You need to deal with the reasons why you are like that. If you change this part of your personality/makeup it will have an impact, I would have thought, on how you view your reactions to past events and those events themselves.
Erm, that all sounds a bit gibberish.
I guess what I am saying is that for all the 'pull yourself together' or 'just be yourself' or 'dont try so hard' replies, there are those of us for whom it is not so easy.

But however much you change yourself, there is still the little you inside you who didn't like you in the first place.

If you get my gist.

So the only way out is, don't change, but learn to live with what you have.

Hmm, but that part will hopefully like the new me.

Exactly Trillians child..

I've said about pulling yourself together n not trying to change Ictoan..but I prolly have and have had in the past more issues with my self and my self esteenm than you..that why I'know' its not easy, but is also the only way to go! Ive was no happier with myself as a size 12 than i am now in a 22..if anything im happier now cos ive accepted who i am more rather than trying to change.

I used to be quite unhappy and not at all pleased with who I was.

So over the space of a year or two I changed, now I refer to it as discovering myself.

I made substantial changes in my personality and ended up being a person I liked, rather than being a person I disliked.

Past issues and the impact they have on people are a very sensitive issue, which is why I have deliberatly attempted to skate over them.
For a start I do not believe that they can be directly compared since different people react in different ways. Hence my desire to discuss the results and leave the opriginal problems well out of the limelight!

Of course, accepting who we are also means accepting what that gets us. What if who we are does not get us what we want? Personally I am not all that in favour of thesepersonality changes. They often seem to take the form of a very sturdy iron mask behind which to hide. And if that gets you a relationship then I wouldn;t want to put bets on it going well. On the other hand, there is a school of thought that we are all just masks, different ones for different situations. And if that is so then perhaps that approach becomes more acceptable.

Then, of course, you get oddballs like me who don;t actually really know who they are.

Although, on the un-looked for stakes, I got a compliment (kinda!) the other week in local pub-come-club. A couple I was sorta talking to, the lass suddenly goes "You're that dude lives down the road aren;t you?". Quite nice being called a dude without it being ironic

I definately found that my personality change took the form of deconstruction of masks and personality, revealing the true person behind them...

The man who walked across his heart
Who took no compass, guide or chart
To rope and tar his blood congealed
When he found his self revealed ugly and cold

RF

OK Bob, if changing means "removing" masks instead of, as Ictoan and I had assumed "creating" masks, then you're really on the right track.

Can you go into some detail - give examples - to help Xan. And maybe help all of us at least "adjust" our masks and make them more transparent.

Personally, I think the internet is a good example of this. Well, hootoo is, anyway. Although people assume that everyone's on the internet to live out an imaginary alter ego, I find that people are more prepared to bare their inner selves - certainly in a thread like this - and no one can prejudge you on your looks, size, age or the way you're dressed.

"and no one can prejudge you on your ... size,..."
They can't do that in RL either, I'm not that much of an extrovert!