h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

>Why am I soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?<

Is that Paul Simon's you can call me Al?

..I bite my nails and if that fails
I go get myself stoned,
But when I do I think of you
And head myself back home

And if a double decker bus,
Crashes into us,
To die by your side,
well the pleasure,
The privilege is mine.

Credit me with some intelligence, don't just credit me.
I come in value packs of ten, in five varieties.

Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face,
And in the evening he's a singer in the band.

Isnt it Molly who's in the band?

I heard there was a secret chord...

Y.

I go off to work on monday morning
Tuesday I go off to honeymoon
I'll be back again before its time for sunny down
I'll be lazing on a sunday afternoon

You have a five-string fretless bass, you stole our song now we rock your face

Educated the expensive way
He knows his claret from his beaujolais
I think he'd like to have been Ronnie Kray
But then nature didn't make him that way!

Wanna make me puke? what are you, retarded? pickles make me sick, let's get the eating started.

Rocky Raccoon
Walked into his room
Only to find Gideon's Bible
Rocky had come
Equipped with a gun
To shoot off the leg of his rival.

(Sorry about the Molly and Desmond role reversal thing, but check it out it really happened).

I want to shower you with sugar lumps
And ride you over fences
Polish your hooves every single day
And take you to the horse dentist........

Insane, you should be put inside
you're a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride
You should be made unemployed
make yourself null and void make me feel good
I feel good!

(just listened again, definitly says Desmond does his pretty face and *she* still sings it with the band

Ra ra rasputin,
Russia's greatest love machine.

Kansas, Kansas, do-dee-dooh do-dee-do

I'd walk a thousand miles just to slip this skin.

Y.

Time flies by when you're the driver of a train,
Speeding into Trumpton with a cargo of cocaine,
I get high when I'm the pilot of a plane,
Touching down in Camblewick, I'm stoned out of my brain.

Hey hey we're the monkees
People say we monkey around
But we're too busy singin'
To put anybody down.

I love you, is that okay?

Y.