h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I speak as a parent. I speak as one who has been driven to madness by your amazing facility to turn my hard won money into beer and other chemicals with a speed unequalled in any other form of human endeavour. I sob quietly as one who pays telephone bills of astronomical proportions whilst never receiving a call from anyone except the grateful BT researcher. I wrestle quietly in my straitjacket as one who dared just once to open the door to your room, a room that had, within living memory, a floor. I gibber nonsense to myself as one astonished at how those glowing A levels plus three years spent almost entirely, you tell me, in the library have resulted in this inability to comprehend any request that doesn't end in the words 'meal-deal'.

Well fine then, in that case all I have to say is...

Paper or plastic? Excuse me sir, please shut off your engine while pumping fuel. Do you have ID? No Maam, I don't know how much that costs, I'll have to do a price check. Yes, I see that you have a gun, do you want the cash in a paper bag or a plastic one? Have a nice day.


And also...

THE GENERIC BRAND HAS FOUR EXTRA PUFFS, I COUNTED THEM!!!! WEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

may I say BJHEWGUSABVGAU\?
and when he's done saying that can I say EBEBEBEBEBBEBBEBEBILBLIILILILLHL!!!!!!/?
I take my straight jacket in a size 50 gazillion.
Me too.

They won't let me have a straitjacket anymore. Not after...Well, I don't want to talk about it.

I hads a straight jacket once. and it was fun i couldn't move. moving drives me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once they locked me in a little rubber room. I died there they buried me . The worms crawled worms drive me crazy crazy? I was crazy once....

I had a jacket once that was confused about its sexuality

there are so many different kinds of jackets out there! I don't know id I can keep track *sigh* well I will just have to deal with my own crazy straight jacket....

*struggles, doesn't work, sighs, sits down in the corner and starts counting air molecules*

I tried going catatonic once, but it turned out I was allergic to cats.

WAIT!!!!!!! I thought it was ginandtonic!!!!!!!!!

ginandvodka.

ginandwarmmilk?
ginandcoldtea?
Who's mad?Me?...Sanity sucks anyway
He may be mad but I'm not...I'm misunderstood

Can I be Mr. Understood?

but of course!!

Blurblemock.
wot he said.see,now its all clear.

Are you really sure? Are you sure its not a figmant of his imagination? Why don't you see if hes sure?

Well are you?
Of course I am-I am the smartest brick in the world,you know.

No, you're not!!! I'm the smartest chick in the world!!!

But you're name is" some BLOKE"....but hey-you're insane right?
And I said BRICK! Sentient lifeforms....

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So can I!!!!!



No I can't!!!