h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

These are from a girlfriend in WC. She is a blond, by the way. Another old list, but always good for a chuckle.

How Blond was She?
She was Soooooooo Blond.....
She thought a quarterback was a refund
She thought General Motors was in the army
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center
At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here" she wrote "Sagittarius
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
She sent a fax with a stamp on it
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"
She tripped over a cordless phone
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate"
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
She studied for a blood test
She sold the car for gas money
When she missed the #44 bus, she took the #22 twice instead
When she went tot he airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home
When she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved
She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening
She had a shirt that said "TGIG", which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front"

And finally, She is sooooooooooo blond she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

And these offerings come from a woman with a blonde niece. hmmph.

ahhahhhhh

>She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
Or: was fired from the M&M factory because she threw all the Ws away

very good, not very PC but that makes it better

tom

Well, speaking as a blonde,








SC

The blondes that live in L.A. are proud of themselves because they know how to spell their city's name....

On a side note:

'Canada' is spelt C, eh, N, eh, D, eh.

Quite a few good ones there, Hyp.

az
(deep chestnut)

I was blonde once or twice. I was also red headed and light brown. Now I am gray, unless I hit the dye bottle again. I actually liked being red headed the best.

On a tangent: My lawyer uncle collects lawyer jokes. You know, "last winter was so cold I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets."

I collect hill billy jokes. "You might be from Missouri/Kansas if you've ever been to a funeral where some of the guests wore overalls."

Loved'em,had a good laugh..... But should we remember that some of thoes blonds may have some very dark roots.. ?? ..And as Dolly Parten(SP?)said when asked if she minded dumb blond jokes...,"Dont't be silly honey,
I know I'm not dumb and
I know I'm not blond....................... ... .. .

My blonde friend says it's the blondes with the dark roots that give the real blondes a bad name.

This particular blond friend is one of the brightest women I've ever known. And she has a wicked sense of humor. most of what she sends me isn't fit for public sharing.

Oh but I love Dolly Parton - amazing and talented person with a wicked sense of humour. Remember what she said when she was accused of 'looking cheap'?

I'm just paraphrasing but it was something like - 'Honey, do you realise how much it costs to look this cheap???' With that beautiful big smile on her face.

Most people don't realise how much of a talented singer and songwriter she actually is ... and she even performs *both* kinds of music. Country *and* Western.

az

I like the one where she was asked how long it took to do her hair (this was when she was usually seen sporting a massive and elaborate 'do). The reply was, 'I don't know honey, I'm never there'

She apparently had an 18 inch waist - where did she keep all her internal organs? Oh, wait...

Doubt she ever actually had an 18" waist, but she *is* a total gem, both as a person and an artist.

Funny how someone with so much obvious talent chose to play up the absurd. Though it also ain't easy to constantly get top billing at The Grand Ol' Opry. I reckon she knew exactly what she was doing every step along the line ...

az

From wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_Parton

"The reason I have a small waist and small feet is that nothing grows well in the shade." In 1989 when she guest-hosted Saturday Night Live, she participated in a self-deprecating sketch that parodied Sci-Fi exploitation films: an alien race of excessively large-breasted women teased her about the fact that her breasts were comparatively small, "merely the size of melons." In 1994, she told Vogue magazine that her measurements were 40-20-36. "

And from a fan site, http://www.dollymania.net/faq.html#016
"What are Dolly's measurements?
In 1972, a gossip columnist reported them as 38-26-36. For many years thereafter, she refused to comment, and (after losing a considerable amount of weight since 1972) her chest had been reported anywhere from 36 to 45 and her waist from as small as 14 to 18 inches. However, in 1994, she broke her silence and told Vogue magazine (January issue, page 144): "'I'm 40-20-36. I used to never tell anybody my measurements, but the older I get the more proud I am."

She was tiny anyway

Is there a h2g2 entry on her?

Ah ha. A996898

Didn't come up on the first three google pages, finally appeared on the fourth.

Ah yes, Dolly Parton...the Mae West of our generation.