h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hmm...same

Sarcasm is not the lowest form of wit, Jim Davidson is.

Ain't that the real truth! "It's only a game boys". What sterling wisdom. How we can al learn from it.

Your sarcastic reply was lightning fast and wholly original. Well done.

It seems we have a scorch of dragons ganging up. I will have to get a coven of witches to help me out.

Last week, in the Post Office, an American lady and her enormous daughter were buying postal requisites (tttttts). She told the counter clerk she wanted to send some cards to Plymouth, and was that in England. The clerk replied that it was. Then the woman said she wanted to send soma cards to California. The clerk, with a dead straight face asked her if that was in America. The woman said yes, and missed it completely.
I have a reputation for being sarcastic, to the point of making people cry at work. I never intend to hurt them, I'm only playing with them, but they still get upset. I find that it's a spontaneous thing, someone says something to me and the reply just pops into my head, and unfortunately flies straight out through my mouth.

Ripping yarn Grey Area. I find handing them tissues when they start crying adds confusion to the tears and frustration

Anyone care to participate in a survey? It's REALLY interesting, honest. (Ah, the wonders of sarcasm.) Visit my h2g2 homepage for more information. Alternatively, go out and kill Jeremy Beadle. It has much the same effect.

who's jim davidson? who's jeremy beadle? what's a gregglis? oh good gracious , where am i? someone get me a tissue!!!!

Mrs Slartibartfast, they are arseholes. Mr Loonytunes, I've tried being nice, honest I have, but handing out tissues seems to be viewed as some kind of sexual assualt.

Keep a straightface while winking at other people. Make soothing noises and invent emergencies you need to attend immediately. The effort is worth it. Next company gathering, drinks after work, whatever, they invariably adore you and buy drinks for you

No, they don't.

Admittedly you have have to do a bit of grovelling first. Turn it into a game. Take bets with your friends about how long before she buys, or gets, you a drink.

Sorry, no point. They DON'T.

And I don't go drinking with people from work. It's bad enough being there all day, without socialising with them, and watching them band together in their little cliques. And I'm not just saying that because I'm excluded. Oh no.

Starts a new clicky Café. Calls it the Large Grey Chippie, Children's play area out the back

The only way I would have a childrens play area, is if it is liberally salted with anti-personnel mines. With piranhas in the ornamental pool. And the climbing frame wired to the National Grid.

Ye Gods! Could it be that I have at last found some one who dislikes (hates?) children as much as my husband does? The main reason why we don't have any children is that he doesn't like them and doesn't want any. However, he has said that if this starts to give me mental problems (I go round kidnapping babies, for example) he MIGHT re-consider!

I really like children, but I couldn't eat a whole one. I'd probably like any children of my own, it's everyone elses kids that are the problem. For example, next doors kid has spent the last 3 days hammering on a cricket bat in the back garden, for no obvious purpose...

Perhaps he's trying to make a weapon.

Ankle biters, rug rats, carpet clutchers - all vermin