h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

this forum is just itching for someone called cletus isnt it

You volunteering to change your name Unc?

Lawd's sake Lurlene, ah alus said ya wus wun sweet momma. mmmm-hmmm.
Ah hev put on ma best white flares an' shirt wid all the fringes on.
Some more uf that there grease on ma quiff, shades in place.
(Hail to the King baby)
an off we goes.

Now you vampettes go over to the other side of the tracks and hassle the rich folks. me an' ya maw is going down to Moe's.

::has observed that this thread has taken a decidedly unpleasant turn::




Ackpth.

*jumps aside just in time to escape Thog's Ackpth*

Wull look thar sweet potato! Thars a Thog by the side o the road! Watch you don't rund over it! They do a might bit o damage to the bumper!

*ties a pink scarf trimmed with mauve ostrich feathers over her half-as-tall-as-usual beehive'd hairdo and spits out of the pickup window as she paints her fingernails*

Now jes' you set yah sweet chassis dah'n on this hear chair honey-bunch an' I'll get us some drinks from the bar.

Ah'll get us plenty of bottles to fling at the group, thet cage is bound to break real soon.

Say, sweetness, who's appearing anyhows, ya knows ah cain't read too good? P-l-a-s symp'n S-w-i-r-e-l.?

It's that ornery critter Plastic Squirrel!
The one that done ruint my hairdo!
Save me!
Don't let him near my hair again! You know how those rodents fly across the room and get tangled up in your hair! It took Mildred three hours of teasing and abuse, and 5 cans of hairspray to get my hair to look like Dolly Partons.

Thet Dolly Parton cain't hold a candle to you honey bunch.
Now ah'm a-gonna lend ya muh Saturday-night special jest in case thet varmint escapes.

Say sweet thang, d'ya mind if ah engages in a little mindless vio-lence and work off some of this hear testosterone in mah system?

Ah wuz wund'rin' whah Dolly Parton cain't
hold no candle. Is she missin' a candleholder?
Huh?

Wull, Looky, Lurlene. whut does we haves here?
It's that diner you've allus wanted to try.
The "Greased Weasel in a Sewer Pipe Cafe."

Makes me mighty hungry!

i say there seem to be all these bally oiks hassling us

I'll second that...

Even Cletus is puzzled.

Hi Paul!

Hi, Batty.

Hi Paul Hi Batty Hi Cletus (whoever you are)

Hi Michele! Don't worry about Cletus. If you don't give him any more he'll probably fall in love with Lurlene's cousin..

Lurlene's cousin? That would be you Batty (um I mean Zelna)