h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wahl honey, haint often I get ta see so much hunk-o-man all in one place! Ya are a cute critter, ahl have to give you that! Scootch over a bit on that thar sofa, sugah, and pass me over one of them 6-packs dahrlin!

*Carefully manuevers her 2" foot tall beehive hair style under the "Coors" plastic "stained glass" bar lamp as she sits on the sofa.*

Ah see ya'll got one of those "velvet Elvis" paintins! Ah didn't know you was so "high class"! I just LOVE "the King!"

Yewawll make yuhself comfy thear sweetie-pie. Ah'll jest push these hear Reader's Wives outta the way. Ah've got tv dinners for two, Jumbo potato chips and a gallon of ice cream.
CUJO! You dumb sonafab*tch mangy dawg, will ya quit slobbering on the lady's blouse. Gitout in the yard and kill sumpin' or sumbody.

*walks out in a safari getup*

So is the mating ritual of the North American Trailer Trash. Sometimes referred to as the Red Necked Booby. You might have noticed that the beasts are rather similar in appearance and demeanor. This is due to the fact that the NATTs tend to inbreed often. Some believe this is due to Ptolemaic roots but our research has shown it is simply because nobody else would have them.

Step lively now and remember to avoid coming between the NATTs and their cheap as they have been known to attack and it's believed their drool carries a rare disease causing one to crave Spam.

.... and potted beef tripe...

Y'all come back now... ya hear!

Thanks Ellie Mae.. Lurlene..

i never left...im confused

*Comes in feeling rather unhappy that having Elvis pictures and craving Spam are yet more symptoms of being Trailer Trash. Whips out chainsaw and takes out Michele's 2-foot beehive in an act of senseless and psychotic revenge *

Lurlene, ah've bin wond'rin' whuht
you-ahl see in this guy. But ah still
luvs ya, an' ah'm willin' to fergive you.
We could have a dandy threesome, couldn't
we, sugah?

The mind boggles....

CUJO!! You mangy good-fer-nothin-flea-bitten-pig dawg, will ya git these darn folks away frum between me and muh teevee.
Now where is that danged woman? Lurlene, ah needs the ring pulled offa mah beer can!

next time someone asks why I moved away from Oklahoma I'll just give them the URL to s last post...

i think having someone to open your beer for you is a civilised thing

* is on the floor almost catatonic from *

Mummble Pretty Boy Floyd the outlaw, Oklahoma knew him well.
Buswahmble...Pretty Boy grabbed a log chain sheee depushy grabbed a gun..

and I'll repeat that...

Git yur coat on honey, ah's takin yu out on a spree.
Mah cheque done come and that flatbed Ford is all gassed up.

Oh joy, Michele! You're going to Walmart...

Well haint you jus the sweetust bucket-o-lard that wuz ever tossed out of the "Crispy Chicken Hut"! Yeehaw! Now this calls for ma best leopard blouse, rhinestone belt and black spandex capri's. And maybe ah can stop by "Mildred's Beauty Shack" and have ma hair teased again... seeing as how that ornery yankee Plastic Varmint done messed it up!

Ahl brang the beer, you git the dawg and we'll be downtown slicker 'n a greased weasle in a sewer pipe!