h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There was a wolf named Tim and he decided to shave off all his fur in the middle of winter. What did the other wolves call him after that? Tim-Burr-Wolf.

After a cold winter, will deciduous trees be releaved?

As host nation, we are allowed to introduce a new event into the 2012 olympics. The UK should play to it's strengths. How about a drinking competition?

How about a stiff upper lip event to be done without the aid of any Heath Robinson contraptions?

Looting and throwing bricks at riot police?

A great idea for a competition would be a handbag fight amongst and .

If we combined bungee jumping with high diving, a contestant could do several different dives without having to climb back up the ladder

Running away from skinheads?

Help! Help! The entertainers have escaped from the circus! They're running amok!

The most boring event will be an all day tea and coffee get-together with as many cakes as you can eat with several committee meetings going in the background along with the form filling fan club members filling official looking forms just for the sake of it.

Sitting at the side of a stretch of water that is totally devoid of all life forms, 'Fishing'.

Our national queueing team are the best in the world, and no one spectates quite like us British. And we lead the world in having boring as dishwater conversations with people in shops who can't leave their till, and are a captive audience.

Boring seminars where executives impress each other by spurting out all types of business waffle and superlatives about new ways of increasing their profit margins.

Spouting nonsense!

My brain is in my skull... Why do people keep telling me its in my Pants

Manda

The Ferengi have taken over many Terrain companies and are all disguised as "Hew-mons" and are teaching us how to exploit their employees and put around vicious rumours that the unemployed don't want to work and go and get non 'local' staff to work for twice the hours and 1/3 of the pay.

The Ferengi have taken over the media so that they can spread their propaganda.

Cherry pie, rye cherry pie which is eaten by eccentric parrots who sing songs about their love of all things to do about cherries in parrot fashion to anyone who will listen to them.

Will SG1 ever find the lost Spork which was lost by the Ancients? Then later on it was found by the Asgards and then they lost it whilst fighting the replicators who all turned into carbon copies of Commander Data and a series of E.M.H programmes.

Keep an eye on the west and an ear on the east and get a cold from facing north

"Brian the basking shark loves to bask in the sun when eating a fish flavoured bun. Likes to lark around in the sea life park especially when it's dark. Has known to dress up as a nun wielding a phaser gun during a fun run."