h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Homer has been seen preparing for 2012 when all weapons of mass destruction will turn into pleather handbags and where they are stored will turn into Lyons House tea rooms and any men will be hit by women with their latest weapon heat-seeking pleather handbags and be constantly nagged about when will they finish their diy jobs they said they would do.

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always give away the tricks saying things like, "he has a card up his sleeve" or "he has a dove in his pocket."
One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always give away the tricks saying things like, "he has a card up his sleeve" or "he has a dove in his pocket."
One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A bird that will talk you ear off.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A great walkie-talkie.

One day a parrot walked up to the counter inside a convenience store. The parrot said to the clerk "Got any grapes?"

"No" replied the store clerk. The parrot smiled and walked out the door. A little while later the parrot returned and asked "Got any grapes?" The clerk replied "No! I already told you 15 minutes ago, i don't have any grapes!"

The parrot smiled and once again walked out of the store. Ten minutes later, the parrot returned and asked once again "Got any grapes?" The irate clerk yelled "No! We didn't have any, we don't have any and we're not going to have any! If you come back in here again, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor!" The parrot smiled and walked out the door. Later that day the parrot returned and asked "Got any nails?" The clerk said "NO!". The parrot replied "Good. Got any grapes?"

A parrot that goes without breakfast is a polynomial.

Polly the senator's parrot swallowed a watch.

My parrot speaks many languages. He is a pollymath.

The pirate with a parrot had a real chirp on his shoulder.

Glad you're keeping up this thread.

A lady walked into a pet shop looking to buy a parrot, she spent some time looking around and then went the the sales clerk and said 'Why do you have some parrot down here near the floor and the others way up there?' The sales clerk replies 'Those ones up there are on higher perches'

A man took his parrot to the avian vet because it had been sick. The vet said, "I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is, your parrot has chirpees. The good news is, it's tweetable."

And Lo the shepherds did look up and see a bright light, and Lo they did see a great vision of a beautiful angel, and Lo! they could see right up it's kilt! 'Phwoar' said the forth of the shepherds, and was struck down by a lightning bolt where he sat! As he was fried to a crisp, Lo, you could still hear him laugh like Sid James.

Target: 10,000 Posts Of Nonsense


Post: 3


Posted Apr 1, 2003 by akira100
I doubt if you'll get one reply let alone 10,000

Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you do not understand it.

Resigned to my fate, I bought 24 bottles of red wine. It was a case of syrah, syrah.

The first time wine taster had a blanc stare on his face.

After a night out on the town the wine-drinking pirate captain had a port list.

The Panda is back. And it is angry!