h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Built as a pyramid worshipping the ancient Egyptian god Ra, there are many levels to this battleground.

*Raven lands with a crash on the sand. He is wearing his customary leather jacket, cut-off jeans and a T-Shirt (It says Green Day :Warning), he has a Nirvana top tied round his waist which looks a little too bulky????? He walks over and sits on the floor just inside the entrance to the pyramid*

Hey? Anyone want to challenge the Darkness?

*The Bombshell Goddess approaches, dressed to kill, as always, this time wearing a pair of bell bottom jeans, a tight black tank top with a picture on the front of a bear with spiral eyes, and it says Space Teddy, a pair of ankle high lace up boots with Harley Davison logos on the sides, silver hoop earings, dark wrap sunglasses, and her leather jacket. She walks over to Raven, stops just infront of him, and looks down.*

Do you think you can handle me?

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

The world is full of Kings and Queens who falsify our dreams leaving shattered carcasses that were once humanity. Kurt Cobain knew this and escaped, he left a generation of tortured souls. The question you should be asking yourself is ...

...How many tortured souls will you leave behind?

Or in more simple terms- Hell Yeah

*Raven steps inside the Temple and the darkness closes around him, as he disappears from view thousands of hollow voices suddenly start to laugh!*

poor, poor Saturn Girl....

*Raven makes a mental note that Apollo is a God who knows what's going on!*

Hey guys shut up please! What's so funny anyway?

*They tell him*

Oh right yeah well that is quite funny!

*Raven drops to his knees and mutters something. Suddenly the Darkness lifts Raven into the air then explodes from the Temple pushing Saturn Girl into the river. One bank is now dark with the other very over cast indeed!*

*Saturn Girl stands from the river, irritated that her clothes are now wet. She pushes her wet hair back out of her face, then reaches out to drag Apollo's egotistical ass over, and makes him light up the whole place with the sun. Tossing her leather jacket aside, she arms herself with a nerf gun that has lights on the ends of the darts. She shoots off the darts, and they fall into an orbit around Raven, lighting up the whole temple as Saturn Girl walks in iritated, leaving wet foot prints behind her.*

And what do you think you're doing?! This is not some stupid floor show for people's entertainment, this is a battle of the gods. Don't just float around, and spin, and sh*t... it's stupid, pointless, and certainly not creative.

*She grabs Raven by the ankle, gives a strong yank, and sends him spralling to the floor. She pins him down kneeling on his chest with one leg, holding his arms above his head.*

Now I see things one way. You quit playing around like a child, and get serious, or I'll be mopping up this floor with you...

*Saturn Girl stands up, and starts to walk away, then she spins around, and with a wave of her hand, Raven's trapped in lime green jello.*

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

ps. Sorry it took so long to reply... too much to do, too little time to do it in. I'll do my best to be a little more punctual next time.

*Raven suddenly notices that someone has spoiled his floating game! This doesn't make Raven very happy but then he notices that the same person has left him some lovely jello! Mmmm! Raven hasn't eaten for three days and even then it was just a Rat (with Ketchup of course)so he wolfs it down!*

Hmm? I see you want this to be a food fight? That was a bad idea! You didn't think about the kind of stuff Raven eats!

*Raven floats up to the top of the temple, raises his arms and as he brings them down the temple falls away leaving just a pillar which Raven is sitting on and a hole. Out of the hole a muffled squeaking can be heard. Suddenly millions upon millions of rats come pouring out of the hole causing Saturn Girl to flee. After the initial wavee of rats they start to mix with bugs and beetles, flies, worms, snakes and some things of uncertain origin that you really wouldn't like to meet at all, ever!*

MMMMMMM! That looks tasty! Anyone got any ketchup?

Raven

Ummm... I wouldn't flee from rats, and creepy crawlies... I happen to like those things, maybe not to eat, but still... I'm not a prissy little chic here, I can hold my own... ya want any spiders? I'll catch you some for desert.


*Saturn Girl shakes her head, having ducked aside, letting Raven think she ran off. She coaxes a couple of rats onto her shoulders, and names them Bun Bun and Kiki... then decides she wants the real bun bun here to share in the joy of kickin' Raven's ass. A moment later, a loud "ka-klick" can be heard echoing across the temple, and the rats all flee back into the hole. A cute, fuzzy little lop eared rabbit, that's white with brown spots, enters the temple and looks up at Raven.*

Bun Bun: "Okay Nerd boy, gets your *ss back on the ground before I have to kick it." *Bun bun's switch blade catches a gleam of light as one of the illuminating nerf arrows passes over his head. Raven looks at the rabbit, and throws his head back in laughter. This ticks Bun bun off to no end, and suddenly there's a blur of fur.*

*When the blur is done, and everything's quiet, Raven can be found lying on his back on the floor, one eye black, and puffed out so much it can only stay closed, bruses across what parts of his skin can be seen, his clothing torn apart, and a single lop earred rabbit is sitting on Raven's chest as he lays groaning on the floor.*

Bun Bun: "And let that teach you a lesson." *bun bun looks around, and sees Saturn Girl watching, a smirk across her face.* "What's so funny, toots?"

*Saturn Girl crosses her arms, and looks at Bun bun* What's funny is he was stupid enough to think you wouldn't kick his *ss.

*Bun bun hops off of Raven, and over to Saturn Girl.*

Bun bun: "Now that I've done your dirty work? Where's my alfalpha hay, and the TV? I'm missing Bay Watch for this... you'd better be happy."

*Saturn Girl produces Bun bun's pay, a year's supply of Alfalpha hay, and a commercial free, taped copy of the episode of Bay watch he's missing. Bun bun puts away his switch blade, and hops off to find a VCR.*

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

ps. Bun bun is a fantastic character in the Sluggy Freelance comics. [URL removed by moderator] I love Bun bun, and Kiki's cool too! Riff would be cute if he wasn't a cartoon

I'm not saying your a wimp with the Rats, there were just lots of them, lots and lots, too many in fact! Oh god they're rampaging! OOOOO! I think they destroyed the Millenium Dome! Woohoo!


Bloody rabbit!

*Raven gets up then falls back into the hole, he's feeling particularly weak so decides to use the last of his power (for now) to give him some recovery time. Raven gets some chalk out of his pocket, draws some complicated Runes on the wall, in the dark. Next he starts to chant something, though it could be singing? Yes it is, he's singing Rock-a-bye baby!*

*Suddenyl the darkness rushes out once more! It consumes the rabbit and after several moments of confusion it reappears as a rather fetching set of earmuffs!*

*A dark figure appears next to Saturn Girl. She can't quite make out his face but she is intruiged and strangely attracted by him! His name is unpronounceable in English because he seems to have lost out on the vowel stakes, so lets call him Bob!*

Bob:Take my hand!

Saturn Girl:Huh? OK!

Bob:We're off to Never-Never Land!

*As soon as she takes hold of Bob's hand she is sucked up by a whirlwind and taken away from the Earth into somewhere not altogether nice! Over what seems like years and years (but is actually just over an hour) she experiences every single nightmare she's ever had, or ever will have. The nightmares aren't supposed to kill her so they stop just before she dies in each one!*

*Raven, who is now totally exhausted, sits back in the hole in the ground and surprisingly (though not to him) he find a bottle of something (Who knows what it is, he probably doesn't) and a CD player! When he presses play he knows he'll soon be rejuvinated as the welcome chords of Nevermind sooth his pain!*

*With the ordeal over Saturn Girl is deposited just a bit further than walking distance away from the battle ground. When she reads the bus timetable (handily positioned nearby) she realise the next bus isn't for another hour and a half! LOL!*

*When the CD ends Raven stands up and stretches. His wounds are healed and his body is back to normal (whatever that is). His clothes are not only repaired but cleaned which is a welcome surprise ( and not one experienced often)!*

Raven

You just don't get it with Bun bun, do you? I'll have a link on my space, go take a look at these comics, and you'll see that bun bun can not be killed. Sheesh... *rolls eyes* Stupid vogons... they censored out the attempt at hiding the URL... Don't worry, the switch blade armed rabbit will be back, and you won't survive this time...


*Saturn Girl grumbles at the damn bus schedule, and starts to walk anyhow... Soon she notices an abandonded motorcycle by the side of the road. This thing's totally rusted, and doesn't looks like it'll work... but she decides she's going to fix it up, it's better than walking, and waaaaay better than riding the d*mn bus.*

*After two hours of work, and the bus having come and gone already, Saturn Girl stands up, and wipes the greese off her hands onto her jeans. A Harley Davison, looking like new, is sitting where the rust bucket that hardly could be called a motorcycle had been. Saturn Girl hops on, and brings the metalic beast to life, taking off down the road in a blur of speed. Soon she sees a lop eared rabbit on the side of the road, a switch blade in one hand, and his paw up "thumbing" for a ride. She pulls over, and Bun bun hops on.*

Bun bun: "Hey toots, I hope you're heading back to kick nerd boy's ass... He thinks that he managed to turn me into ear muffs, and he actually killed the easter bunny instead. I'm insulted anyone could mistake me for that idiot, I'm going to have to hurt that boy on pricipal now..."

*Saturn Girl tears off again, with bun bun on the back.*

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

ps. I would post more, but I've got plans, and it's time to split. I would suggest you read some Sluggy before you make another post, otherwise you'll get your ass kicked by this rabbit.

~Elmer Fudd pops his head up from behind a rock, lays his finger across his lips, looks around stealthily, and says~

Shhhhhhhhh...... be vewy, vewy quiet. It's wabbit hunting season. Now, where's that wascally wabbit?

~scurries to another outcropping of rocks and dives into a cave, getting his shotgun stuck in a crack in the process~

*Bun bun catches sight of Elmer out of the corner of his eye*

Bun bun: "Pull over toots, I've got some business to take care of."

*Saturn Girl pulls off to the side of the road, and Bun bun hops off towards a cave, where a loud ka-klick can be heard. Elmer Fudd can be heard screaming like a girl, begging for his life.*

Fudd: "pweese Mr. Bunny Wabbit, don't huwt me! I pwomise to do whatevew you say! Noooooo! Noooooo!"

*Bun bun hops out of the cave, cleans his switch blade on the grass and hops back onto the bike*

Bun bun: "Let's roll, toots."

*Saturn Girl raises an eyebrow, but take off again anyhow.*

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

*Raven can still be found near the temple. Now he's feeling really relaxed and is in fact laughing!*

Hahaha! The Easter Bunny! I always hated him!!!!!

*Raven goes into the temple and starts chanting again (hell knows what it is this time! Suddenly a rumbling starts and several thousands of dead people surge out of the ground!*

A rabbit with a switchblade? That doesn't scare me or my friends! He's lucky I got the wrong one first time! The dead hordes are much nicer than the darkness!

*Raven climbs aboard his bike, a machine of undeterminable origins which seems to be made of bones and dead animals. WithRaven leading them the horde sets off towards Saturn Girl!*

Raven

*jumps on his bike, a black and gold Ninja, and goes to get a better view* p.s. if you haven't yet, check out this thread http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F72979?thread=137809

Did you go check out Sluggy, Raven? I don't think so... you don't understand bun bun... *rolls eyes* Please go look at the strip before you waste any more of my time being stupid, and not understanding the psycho mini lop... And he has gone up against demons, and darkness, and evil... and hell, he's even gotten Santa whipped (though Santa won't admit it... you might end up like santa if you don't get with the program quick.)

Oh, and Golden Thighs, I put up the badge, but I had to do a little tweeking... I like how I fixed it


*Bun bun hops off of Saturn Girl's bike without her noticing, and heads off to lay a trap. Saturn Girl continues to head back to the temple until she sees Raven leading a mob of decaying deadels. She releases an annoyed sign, whips out the book of E-ville. Quickly she flips through it to find the incantation to banish Raven to a dimension of happyness, love, and sunshine. Where it's always bright and sunny, and there's not a shadow to be found. She finds the right incantation and starts to sing it*

All you need it love! *hums a bit* All you need is love! *hums so more* All you need is love, love. Love is all you need!

*Raven poofs off to the happy dimension with all his deadels in tow. Saturn Girl pulls her cycle to a stop, amazed she managed to do all that without stopping, she may be a goddess, but she didn't know she had that much talent. Bun bun gets annoyed he didn't get to kick Ravens ass, but is soon cooled off, after a whole weekend of Bay watch.*

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

I read loads of the comic thingy and despite what you might think, it's still just a rabbit! It might be a psycho but its not Raven! Also the dead hordes are sort of every person who as ever died who wasn't particulary pleasant! Methinks even the wonderous bunny isn't going to stand much of a chance there (cos he can't kill them and they can kill him nice and easily! Anyway...



Hell! That was a bad move by Saturn Girl! Look what's happened to this place! There weren't even any elephants here before, where did all the dead one's come from? Now what am I going to do about that cartoon Rabbit? Hey lads? Stop sulking! That means you too Atilla!

*Raven feels something in his back pocket. He takes it out and reads it then starts to mumble under his breath. Seconds later the rabbit appears among the horde with a little redand black jumper on!*

Yes! I knew that only a cartoon character could beat another one! Thanks Dennis, oh and Gnasher too! Now for Saturn girl!

*Raven sends the horde back to wherever it came from then manifests into his bird form. After snacking on some particularly rank elephant meat he set off back to the real world, stopping off in America before he goes to the temple.*

Raven

*Thinking she is rid of Raven for at least a little while, she spreads out on a lawn chair, and dozes working on her sun tan as she reads a book*

Your's Truely,
The Bombshell Goddess

*just for fun, the Sun God spices up the tan*

I like your new tomato look, Saturn Girl

*Raven uses some evil powery type things to summon a laptop salesman. He then sends him towards the unwary sunbathers! The laptop salesman does a wonderful job in selling Saturn Girl a woderful new laptop!*

Oh Yeah! Now I can destroy her mind!

*Saturn Girl begins to use her new laptop and starts to play a nice game of . Just as she is about to complete the game Raven uses his newly acquired toy, a windows remote control to crash her system! Saturn Girl keeps trying and Raven keeps crashing the laptop until Saturn Girl is a gibbering wreck on the floor as she curses Microsoft!*

Raven