h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*sprays bridge area with 'woodland breeze' air freshener*

and here's a little snap we took when you first crawled onto the boat zokkie:
F70774?thread=182209&post=2458750#p2462718

you were about to throw yourself overboard i believe...

are you aware that the position for which you initially applied has certain er shall we say 'prerequisites' concerning the equipment that you will be allowed to take to work with you??

and nowhere in the backlog do i find any reference to zit zonkermann being appointed to the position of engineer

give us the link zink, so that we can congratulate you on your appointment.

alec.

A large pelican flies onto the Bridge. It lands near Alec and opens its bill revealing a case of with a note attached.*

~Dearly beloved engineer (AlecTrician), navigator (Kes), and Captain (Pierce). This is a little lubrication to get the drill going. Just apply it to the right place. xxx, m-r P.S. Let me know when we are going under the earth so I can put on my pith helmet. Thanks!

I think a quick dive to the bottom of the sea will take us out of range of the worms and their holes, Alec. Hard to make them out on the charts, but there are some weevil holes and moth ravages, if they would do ... Can we all wear pith helmets?
*Looks at the and contemplates getting pithed .... *
Are we ready to dive yet? I think it's OK to drink and dive ...

The reason you didn't find Zoc's appointment alec is because it wasn't in the usual thread. Not all of us were appointed in the Captain's private quarters .
Check here F32210?thread=215429

well...you see alec unlike you, who are sooooooo much better than every one else because you are soooooooooo much smarter, i am not.
i am still some what new to all this works.
i did not know the proper channels to go through to get my self a position aboard this vessel.
i am just not as cool as you.
oh woe is me.
please read this as:

"fraggin' p**s off, alec."


thank you for your assistance shagbark...how dose everyone get those little pictures?

Ooh, you're so masterful, Zok!

Try A155909

*stumbles onto the Bridge, still wearing (rather torn, obviously fake) police uniform and moustache*

Right, this is most definitely IT! How am I supposed to get any work done under these conditions? If this ship is going to journey through the molten core of the Earth, I _demand_ a pith helmet!


Oh, right... Sorry about that, I'm not here at all, you know.


~Bistro

kes...*pauses to drink*

do you think we can move away from this mothhole, so these loonies will stop turning up on the bridge?

alec.

Argh, my one weakness, HEAT, you knew Captain did'nt you, did'nt you?
I'm going to have to leave the ship while it flies thorough the Earth's moltern core. I'll be back!!!

*Opens wings, flies up a metre then turns and flies North*

*thinks...'why don't these people read the backlog?*

Now, where's the fun in that?

Congratulations Captain on getting rid of that pesky Admiral.
Several crew members had tried but it took you to do it.

*sips and leans in the direction of Kes, Pierce, and Alec*

erm...Who are all these people, exactly?

right, let me put things clear twice and for all :

1. alec trician is the undisputed chief engineer and grand master of the generator room

2. alec trician is the undisputed chief engineer and grand master of the generator room

okay?

i have obviously overlooked something in the past but i have always thought of Zog as the physical trainer of the harem ( - and let me add that he seems to be very good at that kind of work. Don't ask me how i came to this conclusion. it's all confidential!)

now, are we ready to drink and dive, alec?

AYE AYE !! Captain Prussian SIR !!

*alec salutes smartly and pours beer over his head*

*sings small medley of drilling songs...

"Black & Decker" (to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus)

"Ma ma ma maaaa Makita"

etc. etc. *

*runs off to the Generator Room to prepare patented 'Pierce-All'
continental drill bit attachment thingy*

alec.

At last! As we are about to submerge ..... Helmsman! Move over to that wheel over there ...that's it. You'll like it. It's got foot pedals that operate the hydroplanes ... and a bubble thingy that indicates if we're in level trim. No ... the green bubble thingy. That amber pipe with bubbles in it is the one from the Lighthouse Bar! ...

So ...... set for a dive angle of 30 degrees .... we seem to be rolling slightly to starboard, so ....


Helmsman!










Left foot down a bit, please!

speaking of amber pipe with bubbles - isn't it about time we drank to a safe journey?

*enter alec, wearing bright orange 'Schlumberger' overalls
with industrial type safety helmet thingy...(and tinted goggles)
...the words 'ADARE XP TECH' are printed across his back,
whilst the embroidered name patch on the front says "Wally"...

in his breast pocket alone are to be found :

1x Angle protractor
1x vernier caliper (without digital readout)
1x micrometer (ditto on the digital readout)
3x sharpie markers: Red, Black and Green
1x little round mirror on a stick
1x string, red, 1m in length, with a knot every inch or so
1x pencil sharpener
2x Diodes general purpose, 3A 600V
1x Brush, with brass bristles
1x Pencil, pointed, with eraser
1prHaemostat
1x set of jewellers screwdrivers
1x tin of Altoids
1x Digitique "My Little Calculator"
5x Toothpicks (unused)
1x Battery, AA, (used)
1x Magnet on a stick, (telescopic)
1x Church Key Bottle opener (chrome, very shiny)

Ah there it is!!
*cracks open bottle of St.Pauli Girl*

cheers Captain Parcours

here's to a safe journey...

alec.