h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Your personal life is probably okay, Pierce, as is mine. Lots of people have it worse, I'm sure.

i'm afraid millions have it worse than i have

that's my only complaint right now

Could we have a party and cheer up those millions?

will you give them ?

It would be my pleasure to do so.

according to my sources there is food enough for each and every one on this

all we need is a sensible way to distribute it

The only resistance we would get would be the *type* of food, not the amount. The Chinese would eat rice and tofu. No problem there. In India, rice is accepted gladly, but they hate tofu, though they'll eat lentils and garbanzos. So far no problem. In the Middle East, some won't eat beef for religious reasons, and others won't eat pork. They all agree that lamb is okay, and hommus is delicious. Yogurt is popular too, and there's no reason to think the Earth can't provide it. But what about the large quantities of meat that the world outside of Asia consumes? A lot of grain and soybeans that could have been directly fed to people get fed to livestock instead in order to produce meat. That's part of the distribution problem. We've overfished the oceans, so fish won't help the equation.

What I propose is a crash program in which scientists develop high-protein vegetables that float in the sea and can be harvested to feed the earth's hungry masses.

it all makes sense to me - but now i'm hungry

Right, I've been having a good look around and I've decided we should probably make an honorary lap of the world's nudist and topless beaches while we still can... If we sort of spiral around we can start up near the arctic circle and work our way down and around. Do we want to go west or east?

Do they have nudist beaches in the arctic?
I would think places like Iceland would confine it to indoor swimming areas.

Quite the opposite! The hot springs in Iceland are much enjoyed I hear.

iceland it is!

after that we can decide which way to spiral

just to remind you: we are anchored up at samoa. which route from here to iceland would you recommend

well, let's see
we haven't done the straight down (earth's core route) for a while.
Or then there is the sub-orbital great circle route (twenty miles high)
Or the Drake Passage, or the Bearing sea, or a wormhole in time-space.
Any of these sound attractive?

Hey Captain. Do you remember the time we had a pesky admiral who was an ice-Pokemon and as we went through the core it got so hot that she hid in the freezer

Hello, other pirates. Nice to see you!

Hey what do you know- Our cannoneer is here.
Good to see you.

What can I fire the cannons at?

The seas are fairly calm. We probably don't have any enemies out there at the moiment, but you never know what might happen.