h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

( hi cadwern, you seem to have approached this story from a older posting, not that it matters as we can weave your line into the story as it stands, lets face it not much of it makes any sense anyway)

Ford walked away a little puzzeled that young humaniods should know his name, he noticed shop a bit further on with a sign "Sun Bed Paradise" he went in hoping it may be some form of Star Port Communication Station

Instead he found a grimy, dead fly ridden foyer. The floor was encases in craked linoleum which strangely resembled the skin of the humanoid behind the counter.

Another, much yonger human appeared from behind Ford and kicked him.

"Yikes" yelped Ford, leaping into the air and performing a defensive manoever that would make a cat proud.

As Ford bounced, the boy kicked him again for good measure, stuck his tongue out at him, then dragged him outside. He kicked the side of the building and it fell down.

Which was hardly surprising since the building looked as though it was looking for any excuse to collapse.

But Ford was not panicked: He was calm, for he had his towel in hand. "Ha!" He exclaimed, kicking the boy, who was down because of the shoddy building accident.

Ford decided to see if he could find somewhere to stay, so off he went. By a remarkable coincidence, the building that collapsed was called the Hrung, and it was 78 years old. It's loss was hailed as a disaster. Ford saw, through a shop window, the newsreader on the 10 o'clock news talking about "The Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster" of a street renamed recently to "Betelgeuse".

In further news, the street temporarily known as "Betelgeuse" was being renamed to Park Lane.

Ford couldn't believe his ears. They had suddenly grown to gigantic proportions, and he was slowly turning into an elephant. "What is this madness?" he asked no-one in particular.

there was a certain amount of improbability to Ford's present condition,the fact he was at that moment in Islington standing by a block of flats, may have in some bizarre way be the reason

"I am NOT my father!" Ford stated adamantly in frustruation. He proceeded to forget everything and began anew as a waiter.

random kickings from strangers, overly persistant detectives and shoddy construction standards in the local habitat were starting to get Ford down. He needed a party to cheer him up.

Elephants never forget Ford told himself. The guide tells me so. since I aqm forgetting things I am obviously not an elephant.

Ford bought some jellied eels from the stall and fed them to the strange lizard type creature that had been following him

He knew obviusly about the Lizards, Ford didn't realise, however that Dirk was stalking the Lizards.

The lizards in question where a sub-dimensional race that had been part of the Earth Matrix program being over seen by the Mice, this Lizard had realized tha Ford was not human and was about to report back to his masters

The Lizard Masters of Erth Matrix were an unusual bunch. If Ford hadn't been so preoccuied with his identity crisis he might have seen the Kill-O-Zap blaster that this one was pointing at him.

However, fortune smiled upon Ford once more as Know-Nothing the Wonder Dog happened to walk by and decided to eat the Lizard.
And to add insult to injury, Know-Nothing vomited the Lizard up a few moments later, leaving the half-digested body on the grass, which irritated several passersby. To this day the Lizard Masters' comrades, the Snakes of Serendipity, still honor the lost Lizard by upchucking bits of bone and such from the creatures they consume. For some reason they feel this is a good way to remember him.

Mean while at Stonehedge, the HQ of the white mice, the chief mouse was had just received details about the destruction of one of their top lizard operatives. The lizard was part of the advanced survey team for the McMillan Project, this was a great set back.