h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, the most reliable solution is not to have sex unless you're prepared for the possibility that you MIGHT get pregnant - whether you want to or not.

It's amazing how many people have neglected this simple premise.

If you dont want to get pregnant, then yes, I guess abstinance is the best policy, but not always one which is easy to follow!

The 'best' form of contraception I guess depends on the couple themselves, but if you are in a short-term relationship, or arent 100% certain that the man you are with is likely to be with you through thick-and-thin, I'd definitely have to advise condoms. Apart from being very good protection against pregnancy, they prevent STDs as well, which is a big plus.

If you are in a long-term relationship, and are comfortable with your partner, I would go for the pill, or other form of contraception, as condoms arent (for me anyways) the most romantic of things! And there is always the possibility of splitting them...

I cant say I've always followed this, and have had two 'worries' in the past. The first time I took the morning-after pill as it was with a man I really didnt want to have a child with, but we didnt take protection as it all happened rather too quickly (another disadvantage to the condom... you have to put it on in the heat of the moment ).

The second time I didnt do anything about it, as the male was someone who it would have been wonderful to have had a child with. Both of us knew the situation I was in, but neither of us really believed it. Together we went through the worry, and together took the pregnancy test a month later. Fortunately, (or not, both of us were disappointed about the result) the test was negative, and my period was only a few days late.

Drinking didnt help the situation, and stress levels about the unsurety of it all, both of us knew there was a very high liklihood of being pregnant, but the situation was not quite the best to be in for giving birth.

I'm now on the pill, and feel safe in the knowledge that even if I am the 1 in a thousand women who fall pregnant whilst taking the pill that I'm in the situation I'm in where it wont be a problem.

Hmm... maybe not the best advice, but there you go!

Quick note on the pill,
It works best if the woman taking it, takes it at the same time (roughly) EVERY day. You need to be committed to taking the pill. It's not just a "if I remember to take it, I will". Doing that might just screw-up a womans cycle and you could get pregnant anyway.

If neither abstinence nor contraception is your cup of tea, you could always try homosexuality.

(Insert obligatory safe sex message here)

Just sayin...

How about being male. Worked for me.

Wonderful ideas, being male and homosexuality, however not an option for some people.

Once you start having sex it is very hard to abstain, so contraception is a fact of life that we all must face at one point or another (even if you ARE male or gay if you have any concerns for your own health).

There are times in a woman's cycle when it is safer, to avoid pregnancy, near the end of the cycle or the week after when the egg has already left the body and there is nothing left to fertilize. As far as contraception is concerned, i would recommend condoms until you are SURE you TRUST the person you are with. But the key is to always have a back up. Use more than one form of contraception. in addition to a condom, use the pill (most effective form), a diaphram, spermacidal foam (another good idea anytime), a sponge, an IUD, or Depo Provera shots. i'm sure there are forms i've left off, but the point is that two contraceptives is always a good idea, better safe than sorry in most cases.

The method that worked for me was the "pull-out" method, altho i wouldn't recommend this as it has the highest percentage of failure.

Also remember that certain lubricants will weaken a condom and almost guarantee it's breakage. always use a water based lubricant.

Yes, it is very possible to get pregnant the first time.

And MOST IMPORTANT: NEVER leave contraception up to the other person. take your own responsibility. talk about it with your mate. if you can't talk about contraception with your partner, then you have no business having sex with him/her.

just re-read that opening statement, please overlook that and ammend it to say:
"wonderful ideas, being male and/or being homosexual."

i didn't mean to imply that....well, i don't know what i didn't mean to imply, but that opening sentence just didn't look right.

apologies to all i've confused and/or offended

Ah yes! The old "pull & pray" method.

Actually being male is not an excuse you still have to take responsibiltiy for your actions. If you do get a woman pregnant what are you going to do. Are you going to stand by and support her or are you going to run off and leave her and your child to fend for themselves?

Contraception is the responibilty of both partners in all relationships and you should be open and discuss it before you even get into bed for the first time as the first time may be all it takes. And if you are a man who is not prepared to talk about contraception and/or the implications on and with the woman you want to sleep with you really are not man enough to get into bed with her in the first place. It's a tow way street and both of you share responsiblity for your actions.

Let it be clear that I agree that males have equal responsibility for contraception and for providing help and support for those they create. Despite what the divorce courts might have you think.

But being male *is* a fine way of avoiding getting pregnant yourself. So there...

i'd much rather be pregnant than go bald or have to endure a prostrate exam

Absolutely!

Those "prostrate" exams will really lay you out!

The bald part was NOT funny!

Well, prostate exams aren't necessary until after age 35 or so. Gynecologist visits, however...

Okay, back on subject. The best way to avoid pregnancy, ladies, is with a bit of home remedy. First, go to your bathroom. Throw away everything that isn't mounted to something. Take all the money you would have been spending on beauty products to the Goodwill, Salvation Army, or whatever your local equivalent might be. As you shop, think very utilitarian. Buy things that will leave you room to grow, or good quality fabrics like wool, flannel, etc. Now, take all the money you are now never going to spend on skimpy dresses that cling to every curve, and spend it at your local Ben & Jerry's. It's a good thing you bought that muumuu with extra room in it, isn't it? Ahhh... ugliness... the ultimate contraceptive...

All right, back to seriousness. Wanna avoid a baby? Here's the most common methods, ranked in effectiveness, from least to best:

Cycle method: In this method, the woman tracks her ovulation cycle, and the couple avoids sex during peak fertility times. This method has been reported to have a high success rate among couples who don't yet know that there is a serious medical issue with one or the other.

Pull-out method: The man withdraws just before climax. It's not terribly effective, since there is that little bit that comes out before climax. It's not terribly ineffective, either. It IS terribly messy.

Diaphragm: A handy device that blocks the cervical opening. It can fail if it isn't installed just right, and likewise if it isn't removed just right. Consult a technician in your area.

Birth control pills: A simple medical preventative. It can fail when it isn't taken responsibly, but even then the protection isn't absolute. Side-effects can include blood clots, heart problems, kidney failure, liver failure, spontaneous rigor-mortis, and a bad hair day. Works best when taken orally.

Latex condoms: The most effective form of birth control this side of a monastery. It's a rubber balloon that fits over the male genitalia. This constricts and desensitizes the penis to the point where it deflates, making issue a physical impossibility.

And don't forget that illness (especially gastric disorders) can prevent the Pill fomr working. And my parents' neighbour have a grandchild to prove it...

can i set a few things straight?

i can see your point about condoms desensitizing....... however when used as a serious method of birth control, they are NOT more effective than the pill. they ARE more effective than the pill when it comes to preventing sexually transmitted diseases.

the pill has been proven just over 97% successful, but zis guy is right that certain conditions impact it's effectiveness. it is not, however, the illness itself but the treatment in most cases. antibiotics DRASTICALLY reduce the effectiveness of the pill. but in most cases, a warning to this effect is attached to the bottle.

oral contraceptives are not the most effective method available: contraceptive shots have been proven 99% effective, and are less hassle than taking the pill. they are, however, more expensive. some clinics used to offer them at a discounted rate on a sliding scale, but i don't know if they are still able to do this.

and ugliness is NOT birth control at all. it just produces ugly babies. keep in mind that the guy probably isn't all that great either.

hey, ugly guys get horny too and desperate.

And SPEAKING of ugly babies!
Once I get around to forming my own utopian/antiutopian society on some obscure subtropical island near Japan, I'll be sure to implement laws to do some genetic weeding, including, but not limited to:
-Children may only be produced by aesthetically pleasing couples. Ugly couples can still adopt, they just can't contribute to the gene pool UNLESS they are smart or gifted.
-The same goes for insipid, stupid couples, even if they are beautiful.

-Evan

*you may now returned to your regularly scheduled banter*

Include the chronically obese and the US population will be down to single figures before the end of the decade

Get rid of paople with bad teeth and over-inflated egos and there goes England.

Stereo-types are a bitch.

Yes, apparently the French think of the English as a dirty race because we prefer baths to showers, but the UK has the highest per-capita consumption of soap in the world.

Look, you can eat whatever you want to, but--

Oh. Never mind.