h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

LOL, I know who it is! But I'm not saying.

I haven't been out of the top 10 for a week, although I haven't hit the number one spot since early last week.
I really should get out more.

It's TTP isn't it...but the cops took her away...didn't they?

Did they? Can't say I have been following it. I prefer to spend my time lounging around in drinking establishments. Both virtual and real.
In fact, I'd better have another drink.

So was it her?

*Hands over another Bloody Mina...*

This one's on me...

Thank you very much.

~feels like she has said too much~
But I got a free drink so, bottoms up!

*Gosh guys, you can dress me up but you can't take me anywhere!
Don't vate me because I vam beutiful....(pouting lower lip)
I just want to play, please tell GB that she can but I'll still never tell where the bodies are. They were only men,and they self-destructed...I'm the victim here. GB has nothing to worry about with me. Haven't you heard of a bark being bigger than the bite, the veneer of invenciblity I wear but thinly veils my vulnerability....I guess I shouldn't drink.
WOL, TTP

*flutter of wings*

A very late G'evening or a very early G'morning (it's 3.15 a.m. at my place)

Hey, what's going on here?! I was reading the backlog and I'm a little bit confused...

Nice to meet you JLC, can you explain this case?

*Kasia goes at the other side of the bar and mixes herself a large Pierced Nipple*

'Ning - whatever the hour. Alcohol level dangerously low - a very large anything, please.

Hi Kes,

methinks, it's self service atm. But - I can serve you...

What do you want, hmm?

Thank you. Something to soothe away nightmares about spa baths, chocolate, french maids and impending bride-to-be. Perhaps a large cold scotch with a small warm cuddle on the side?

Oh, the best idea!

*Kasia purs Kes a scotch and herself a bourbon, hands it over and give Kes a mystic smile*

Shall we make us more comfty?

*Kes rather likes the ides of a purring Scotch, but he drinks it anyway*

Thank you, m'dear. I would indeed appreciate some comfort. My room has been totally wrecked, and I am not in much better condition. Comfy sounds very good.

*Puts monocle in place, the better to see Kasia with, then immediately wishes he could get both eyes to focus concurrently*

I say!

*Kasia blushes as she get aware of Kes' look...*

Yes I heard, you have some probs with your room, well maybe... erm... you can join us - I'm sure Mina wouldn't mind.

Umm...Still waiting for that double Laphroaig, barkeeper! And I think the name of the bar should be The Tiger & The Lily, for no apparent reason.
*Taps table with keys and looking out the window on the rain.*
Good lord, it's pouring down now. And I REALLY want to have a go at that course. I feel lucky today, and the 4:th hole looks like a HIO if ever I saw one...

*Storms in with bottle and foul temper*

Bloody women! Can't get a ..

Oh! Hello there. Don't mind me.
You're familiar .... don't tell me ..you're
Ah! Got it! You're the large Laphroaig - never forget a drink.

*Puts bottle on bar (Guess what!) gets two glasses - pours*
Cheers! A plague on all women - except the one you're with!

*Kes downs the beautiful single malt in one go, then thinks it was rather a waste. Decides to save the whisky for the right moment, so pours self a large PGGB.

Those who have experienced this before will already have covered their ears - new readers - you have been warned

Cheers! *Glug*

Wait for it!

Ah! That's better.

AAAAND IF YOOOOOU CAAAAN'T BEEEE WITH THE OOONE YOOOOOOOU LOOOOOOOVE, HONEEEEEEEY, LOOOOOOVE THE OOONE Y'EEEEEEEER WIIIIIIIIITH!

*The unquiet spirits of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young depart the bar. Kes sits quietly*

Ha! First of the day - don't y' know. Whoo!

Morning Kes! Fancy a drink? Or should I say *another drink*!

*There is a loud explosion outside, the french windows explode inwards and TTP falls down dead in a pool of blood.

*Melons the gamekeeper sticks his head into the room and says, "Ooops - missed the damn thing. Still, at least I missed the optics."

*The faint but familiar odour of horse overlaid with Tweed stirs fond memories within Kes*
My God - Meriel .... Oh!
Sorry, miss, er maa'am. Not concentrating.
Reminded me of a three-day event long ago .... ah!
What? Yes - I'd love something to get me going - not another PGGB, though. What do you have on offer, er, I mean a drink, that is.
*Attempts to smile endearingly. Ends up leering*

What was that explosion? Another damn simulpost flying too low, I'll wager.
*Brushes broken glass off PS's jacket*