h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i dunno where y'all are located, but frankly, the squirrels in central park (nyc) are becoming more suspicious by the day. they are ignoring the decoy peanuts that small children throw at them! also, a small but possibly dangerous band of black squirrels is apparently rising to the top of the military heirarchy along the east river. they've been stalking the pigeons, or possibly conferring with them. THIS IS NOT NORMAL SQUIRREL BEHAVIOR! i fear an alliance between the black squirrels and the pigeons, which will overthrow the current grey squirrel military leaders but doubtless will prove to be a far greater threat than the slightly larger but milder grey variation. i advise immediate action against this new threat. but what can we do?

What you don't realise is that the black squirrels are just grey squirrels in SWAT team outfits.
The pigeons are harmless but squirrels have been known to hide in pigeon costumes to avert attention from the revolution.
Trust no-one.

PS, to Janie? (the muse of erotic poetry). Burning stuff is cool, especially live sheep. I feel a poem coming on!

a black squirl followed me home last friday. I saw it running along beside me as i walked around the bottom of the park. We need to do soemthing about them. they get more brazen every day

I'm not quite sure if there is anything quite poetic or erotic about burning sheep, but I'll try about anything once.

Also, grey squirrels in black SWAT team uniforms... I never thought of it that way... Then, what does that make flying squirrels?

"flying squirrels" would be the result of the aforementioned alliance between the squirrels and the pigeons (or insert local bird of choice). which is why we must PREVENT THIS ALLIANCE AT ALL COSTS

flying squirrels, eh? Its bad enough they can climb and run, but if they can fly we are doomed. maybe we can get the muse to burn the squirrels

The pigeons are innocent! Goddammit!!

The flying squirrels are an obscene genetic mutation created by psychotic squirrel scientists. Read the revolutionary treaty if you don't believe me it's been there from the start.
The flying squirrels are very dangerous. However I think they are only found near the research labs in South America and Africa.

PS, I never said that the poem I felt coming on had anything to do with the burning sheep. I try to keep my personal and proffesional life separate. (Although the sheep are no risk actually so they're kindof a hobby, hmm maybe there is a link after all. Hohum life is fun)

interesting comment. What about goats, have you ever burned goats,?

I've not, seems like a silly job

the pigeons are only innocent before the squirrels brainwash them into an alliance....and burning goats will not accomplish anything

what brains? they are birds!

Pigeons have brains!!
Would you just leave the pigeons alone for one minute! We must concentrate on the real threat of the squirrels.

PS I burn goats as a pagan sacrifice but it is business then. The sheep are just for fun. They take ages to burn and run in circles setting fire to eat other. It's hysterical!

PPS Where are you two from anyway. I have noticed that squirrel armies (and therefore squirrel conspiricists)seem to focus around New York City, Melbourne(Australia) and Glasgow(Scotland). I don't know why. Maybe there is some "Squirrel Hellmouth" on these locations.
I'm from Glasgow myself and so are Madame Aevil, Mad Ross and Mr Snuffles.

we by from the capital of the world, the best city, ect, ect
can you guess what I'm talking about

I just hate pigions, its a think

we found a hollow tree today, great home for the little grey ones (we being ama and I)

Marv

we're from NYC. and i swear to god i'll set the chipmunks on you if you keep calling me ama!
i'm getting increasingly paranoid of the squirrels. i think they know i know....

NYC, how coincidental. This certainly backs up my "squirrel-mouth" theory (inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)

PS, Are you two a couple or something? You seem to argue like one. Anyway I think the name Ama sounds kind of cute. All the best names in the English langauge have three letters. That's why I chose to be called Bob. It isn't even my real birth name. I am sick though! Haha.

um, "marvin" is sorta kinda seriously dating my best friend.
AND DON'T YOU CALL ME AMA TOO!

NO we are most decididly not a couple. We go to school togther and she HATES being called ama. Buffy is bad, anyone that speaks of buffy must be silenced. even if it means staking them out for the squirrels. and yes, I might even do that, I could even go into aliance with them and betray all of you. and I know were the squirrels live. BECAUSE THEY LIVE EVERYWERE!
HAHAHHAH

Marv

ps. sorry I got a little caried away there

What do you have against Buffy. How can you hate a show that mixes sex, violence, wierd gothic mythology and sarcastic humour. Buffy spanks ass! Or at least in my fcked up head she does,
In fact so does Willow, and Faith and...uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh!
You got me carried away now. This is all your fault. I'll prbably end up in jail again!

Anyway. If you quit the people's front against squirrels to form the anti-squirrel peoples front, (Quick, look a Python reference!!!) then I will take avasive action. I will call anonymousalien AMA untill she goes insane and kills you, and I will inform Aevil abotu your dislike of her favourite TV show. She will no doeubt stick a large wooden stake somewhere in you. It probably won't "dust-ify" you but you'll spend the next year walking like a cowboy. Believe me, I know!

i don't need your help to go insane. i came like this.

buffy be bad
now that conclusion is reached
EBOLA = really nasty virus

also, its a beter name for her that was once known as ama
because in japanese ama means either "prostitute" or "nun" bad names for an alien

if my real name is so difficult for you to manage, why can't you call me by a nickname i accept? i have no objections to the "alien" or "cheshire cat" thing.

back to the squirrel conspiracy. i have a pressing question: what exactly do the squirrels do when they "hibernate"? is this the time they use for extensive and grandoise plotting?