h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome to the Atelier! If you haven't been here ever before, you should have a look at our home base, A304354, which explains (inadequately) who we are, (misleadingly) what we do, and not a word as to why. But there are illustrations, if you follow the links.

A new salonista has joined us: welcome to seraphic digitalis, or hicdig as they also allow as they are addressed.

What a scribing adventure our Bagpuss had! The whole salon was becoming restive, nudging each other and glaring at poor old Bagpuss, who was sitting at the piano, oblivious, practising Rachmaninoff and not reading all the posts in the backlog until the last minute. I think it was the "honored" part that threw him off. At any rate, he did a splendid job of composing notes that need no intercession from me, bar the prize-giving, and we are ourselves honored to present him with the traditional yet custom-tailored Scribing Award. *Chloe steps forward to present the award, a voluminous white feather quill pen whose base resembles a grand piano carved from obsidian* We also wish him a belated Happy Birthday and apologise for not having noticed at the time.


Should there be an award for getting the 42nd post? If so, it should probably take the form of a floor tile, or part of a sheet of wallpaper, since our ltp will garner enough of the things to need to put them to work. He did it again in Conversation 91X. Uncanny.

B4 invented the concept of the Last-to-the-Forum Award, and this time he wins it, and gets to wear those hairy trouser things for showing up at post 798.

Bagpuss's notes begin with the list of salonistas in order of their appearance. I rather like this, seeing it for the third time: it's a good way of maintaining a roster of active salonistas. Now hear the rest of the notes.

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FG
Rev Nick
Beatrice
Marv
Santra
MR
Bagpuss
Sporky
Bald Bloke
Strangely Strange
GDZ
Wilma
Todaymueller
Hyp
Magwitch
Lentilla
Witty
Amy P
Agapanthus
Teuchter
Mr Dreadful
ltp
David B
LibrarianPear
Z
Phil
Rosemary
Titania
Solnushka
Space Cadette
egon
tartaronne
B4
seraphicDigitalis



FG and Teuchter celebrated birthdays (your scribe apologises if he missed anyone, but everyone missed his birthday so we'll count that as even).

Topics discussed:

We talked about our Christmases and shared bad cracker jokes. How to solve football head? MR and Sting don't wash their hair. What makes a home? And how often have we moved? Photo ID, age restrictions, chips and PINs and skimming credit card details were discussed, which led into protecting our borders against diseased livestock. Tomato growing. Student furniture and lack thereof. We talked about glasses, with Mr. D revealing a fetish for traditional librarian glasses, hair bun and sweater. Naturally we moved on to the state of our brains. Some tourists asked Lil if she likes computers. The question was passed to the Salon, resulting in a discussion of different software, and how best to cook a computer. Is to text a regular verb? Computer mouses were discussed with the five-button variety being rather unpopular. Touchpads received a mixed response. Discussion of criminal penalties, what victims and families think, drink driving. Should iPods be kept in the freezer? Diets and diet books came up, with the message "just eat properly" considered most sensible. Preservation of bodies by embalming and processed soup, burial, cremation, and where to get your ashes scattered. Being walked into by people with videocameras and held up by guided tours.

World news:

Benazir Bhutto was assassinated, prompting worries about Pakistan's future. Google celebrated LEGO's 50th birthday and Salonistas agreed that LEGO is great. California introduced not-oregano vending machines, but they were only for those with a licence to take it medicinally and probably didn't stock candy bars. Or "special" brownies. Fidel Castro resigned. Earthquake in Lincolnshire, blackout in Florida (probably unconnected).

Weather:

It snowed in northern Europe, though much of the UK then went cold, grey and damp. As usual. Amy P's part of California saw violent storms, which young Faith did not appreciate. More snow at the start of March. The west of Britain was deluged. WA saw a guy building a boat with animals milling around. Lil apparently lives halfway up a mountain, rendering her safe from all but the worst floods, but meaning she gets more snow that others on her lattitude. This included eight foot in early February. Blizzards in the mid-west of America, but a warm winter in Sweden caused hedgehogs to awaken early from hibernation. However, there were then warnings of more nasty, snowy weather in the UK and Scandinavia. Later there was yet more snow, with FG and neighbours not being allowed on the road except in emergencies. Spring sprang, but winter kept holding on. Phil had a fire drill in the rain.

Medical stuff:

Lil's right eye haemorrhaged and suddenly everyone had things floating in front of their retinas. Rev. Nick's brother had had scary, gross laser surgery on his. Lil got rather nicer-sounding laser treatment, which was declared successful. Strangely and Witty went to the dentist's. A discussion of flossing followed. Later, Strangely went back again. Turns out he's starting to teethe a wisdom tooth. Ag went dizzy and passed out in the coffee shop, but was fortunately okay. Wilma chopped off her fingertip. Titania managed only a piece of fingernail. The Salonistas compared knives and said how much they'd enjoyed watching Sweeney Todd. Strangely was urged to see his GP after almost fainting, having sight and hearing fade and coughing a lot. Hyp's absence was noted and ascribed to illness and the taxman. Marv had some rather nasty pneumonia. Ag had shoulder pain. Beatrice reported that Dai was hit by a car and went to hospital where they gave him haggis. It was Burns night, so Marv gave us a wee poem. FG did her wrist in skiing, WA's back creaked. Teuchter's painful thumb let to muchos loss of earnings. Sol announced her pregnancy. Baby names were discussed, including whether to name them after Star Trek characters.


Other stuff:

Z moved house. MR had a fancy night out. Hyp had her cheerful mother to stay and sarcasm dripped down the Salon walls.

New years eve plans were discussed, with Salonistas' plans varying from working to watching TV to going down the pub to travelling miles to meet friends to beating bosses on Eledees. And possibly lighting fires in the living room. In order to recover from Hogmanay revelry Salonistas ate massive amounts of food and drank G&Ts. I'm sure that made sense at the time. Lentilla at least was tired of food.

Rosemary went jobhunting. Mr D got a job. Lots of people quit smoking, with IrvWalsh's brother lasting a full five hours before reneging on his commitment. Marv's laptop got some lovely new batteries for free after the old ones catastrophically failed. MR showed off about her iBook's long life between charges. Lentilla started smoothing out her kitchen floor. Santra may have a North American Doppelganger. Lentilla underlaid her kitchen, painted the walls and used her new Dremel twice. Irv wanted to know if the UK had heard of a song called "Electric Slide". The general answer seems to be "no, and we were happier that way."

There was much dancing.

The virtues of beer were extolled. MR was happy to have taken delivery of some mead. Phil attended the winter ales festival, but mostly stayed off stuff with the ABV in double figures. Irv and GDZ tried to remember having tasty Utah beers in 2002 or 2003. MR's bar saw a scuffle, but she was more put out by a jerkish cop. Titania had some very black tea. Teuchter celebrated her pearl wedding anniversary, which she admitted means 30th. Three months after getting a ticket for his driving, GDZ was still trying to convince the city to take his money. Grammar reared its ugly head as Santra wanted to know whether to put a comma after "generally" at the start of a sentence. Generally, the replies said no. Titania described some yoga techniques, including one about breathing through your nostrils. Phil planted tatties and shallots. Hyp's library got a metal awning over the antique doors. Ag wrote five essays in not very long. Marv had severe doubts about meeting his own project deadline. US Salonistas got to vote in the Primaries. Strangely saw bullfinches and numerous other birds. Mr D hung out with friends in Brum.

Shrove Tuesday arrived. Lil wanted sausage pancakes. Alliterative stuff was given up for lent. Titania saw a hotel painting replaced with one that was too naughty for somebody, for the post was hidden, for a while. Titania lost her glasses, causing major problems. To avoid further embarrassment I will not say where she eventually found them. People heard very noisy "bink-bink" birds, which were identified as things unfeasibly small to be making so much noise.

MR suffered identity theft in connection with her tax rebate thingy (apologies for any inaccuracies; your scribe admits to not knowing how the US system works. Or the UK one for that matter). Fortunately the local taxpayer advocate sorted things out.

Rosemary started a new job, but wanted another one. A Japanese orchestra played Smoke On The Water on Youtube, whilst a four-year-old Swede drummed. Hyp planned to get some ink. Specifically she planned to get it inserted in her skin with a hot needle. Others considered following suit or discussed existing tattoos. Lentilla treated us to a Shakespearean hokey pokey (a bit like a hokey cokey I think). MR started getting called Monty. We're not sure if that's Python, Field Marshall, Panesar, Hall, Full or Don. Irv's character was deemed fit to practise law in Arizona.
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Well done, what? And now it's time to start anew, with fresh coffee and samovar, newly-baked cinnamon buns and mbougatses, empty ash trays and a clean carpet. Please make yourselves at home.

am I firrst

seems I am whoppee

Whoooa

*Matina brings ltp an irish coffee in a FTTF mug*

Makes first LED

Back to the top...

[ltp] places Coffee on a floor tile, wonders if from floor that Billy walked on...hopes coffee wont leave a ring stain.

Titania, apropos of your rant just now about Swedish usage, I am really happy to know someone who feels as strongly about their language traditions as I do about mine!

And now off to work, where I am gradually developing a classification system for tourists. Broadest division seems to be between those willing to learn new things and those who aren't. Among those who aren't are 1. blowhards who've seen all the movies and continually interrupt me when I'm doing the basic introduction to the museum; 2. People who know a very little bit and have brought friends whom they will guide around the exhibits (viz my comment about the Chisum/Chisholm confusion), and 3. young airheads who only want to see the bullet hole.

More later. *finishes lacing up her boots, grabs her tea, waves (with the other hand) and heads down the stairs*

First led at least

Wow, that's a lot of posts for just a few minutes!

Well done on the scribing Baggers.

Checks rosta and notes that he has not appeared in the Salon so concludes he must have a doppleganger or a spectral apparition has been posting

First LED? Think it's the first time I've managed that

*sees time to brush hair/teeth/help with shoes*

[WM]

Great scribing by the way, Bagpuss!

Wanted to make my mark before I finished reading the intro... back soon with more!

Great Scribing, Bagpuss!

Wow, I hadn't realized this thread had lasted since last year. *whew* A lot happened!

*flaps in, desperately trying to reach the first LED*

for the scribing.

[MTG{KEA}--LtG]