h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*While the Raven does that, Affy makes sure to blast every other ship. The Raven is now the only ship still around*


I need to get cloaking for this ship.


Okay, someone spray the entire area with mustard! If we can't see the Raven we may not win this battle.

French, German, American or English? Powdered or ready-mix?

}JUST SPRAY THE ZARKING MUSTARD!!!{

Spray them with Grey Poupon Mustard (however you spell it). This will cause any other jokes about it to be redundant.

* Peet funnels the mustard into the giant accordion in the engine room and sets it to "Gipsy Polka". (Anything more powerful would destroy the mustard) The ensuing cloud of mustard droplets expands rapidly into space.

*Watches as a suspicious lump appears on the Dog shaped moon that the Mangar hid in the last time they went through this system. Thinks about that place*

Hey, YK, what happened to R2B4? That would be nice to know.

In any event, head towards that moon, fast. I've got a feeling that this Krakken might be able to move at speeds almost as fast as ours, but I doubt that it can turn on a dime.

~A dime floats throught the bridge of the Mangar~

<< Hey guys, how about a dogfighting scene with the smaller ships? >>

<< Hmmmm. Dog-moon. Dog-fight. I have a bad feeling about this. >>

[YK] R2B4? He's on the Mangar and refuses to do anything in the X-Wing without me. Hang on a sec. Computer, Site-to-Site Transport to [rattles off coordinates]. Energize.

[A moment later, the XJ-style X-Wing flies out of the Mangar and joins the battle]

*The Mangar registers several small fighter ships exiting the Raven. Affy counts, and a single ship leaves for every STUMPED villain known in the story. Affy smiles, and punches a few commands into the computer. At the last possible moment, the Mangar swerves upward, and the Krakken crashes into the Raven. Both the Raven and the Krakken are now severely damaged, and neither one will be able to launch for a while*

Okay, we've totalled the Raven and the Krakken for now. Let's make this dogfighting scene, and get this Climactic Battle over with!

[Mew surrounds himself with a shield that looks like it's made out of some wierd chrome-ish substance, but light bends around it in an odd fashion. He then beams outside the ship and joins the battle]

* Peet hopes they fix Montressor soon, as he's spent half the plot setting him up for... well...

*Affy goes to his ready room, and looks at all of the little models that he has made out of legos. He selects one, and begins programming the computer to build a one-man fighter that looks just like it*

[YK is in his element, sort of, in the XJ-type X-wing. He starts blasting at the bad guy spaceships, as he called them when he was seven]

[Mew flies around, lurks in the enemy forum, and blasts the Sith Infiltrator, as Y2K said he did ]

* Peet starts pressing the black keys on the accordian...

[Link is in the dorsal quad laser turret, YC is in ventral]

[BLAT BLAT BLAT FOOM!]

[Link] I got 'em!

[YC] Don't get cocky, kid, there's three more of 'em!

[Zelda] [over intercom] We've lost our port stabilizer!

[YC] Don't worry, she'll hold together!

[The Bug sustains another hit]

[YC] [to the ship] You hear me, baby? Hold together!

[Mew blasts around, sustaining no injury because technology is having a hard time getting through "magic," as which psychic energy can be construed]

*Suddenly, in an attempt to save time by condensing the entire story into one single forum, Affy diverts everyone to http://www.h2g2.com/F35868?thread=84906 where the dogfighting may resume*