h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Right!
But first, to BB's rescue!


BS, I'm getting lots of yummy readings from where they're keeping BB. Looks like there's a lot more of these creeps there.
If it's eat or be eaten, and I think it is, maybe we should go for their mozzarellamachine that's keeping Bridge from locking on to BB's perilous coordinates. If we devour that, we won't have to face any more condiments.
Idea? Or you wanna continue down berserker ave.?

*Mandarb materialises on the bridge*

Oh, hello cap'n.

*Promptly disappears, before fading in slightly*

I'll explain late...

*disappears again*

Mandarb, is every thing OK up there, some strange things seem to be materialising down here. Like the Cap'n's 3-d chess set, and the Doctor's diagnostic bed.

Has anyone got BB out of there yet...?

*E gathers that nobody has*

*E notices that there's still one extra left & stops worrying quite as much...*

*E wanders a little further down the corridor...*

Meanwhile, lurking by a piece of pineapple, four eyes look at him.

*E wanders back to the rest of the group...the corridor was definitely clear...which was...strange...*

Prez, you any closer to finding BB...?

*E notices the silence & thinks ****...*

OK Prez, lets go find that mozarellamachine Ensign InsertNameII, you take point.

*Suddenly Ensign InsertNameII puts a peanut in his mouth, and lo and behold, discovers he has a serious peanut allergy.
He dies.*

Damn, another good man down.

*BS heads off down a corridor dripping with olive oil, heading towards the artichoke*

This way Prez.

*E knew this would happen sooner or later...*

*She now had the horrible feeling that there was nothing between her & nasty things...*

*E shudders at the thought*

It's perfectly safe if you don't wear red...
Hang on, if it's safe, why am I kidnapped???

And why has no-one been able to find you yet...?!?!

And why are we asking each other questions??

And how can I ask you questions, have you to reply to questions, be able to hear you, yet not find you & un-kidnapp you???

There's something strange going on me thinks...

BB, tell me where you are...then I can find you...

I am strapped to a chair with 27 TV screens and a microphone in front of my mouth. They show me areas all around the ship, and seem to be tracking you...
...The ship looks surprisingly like a maze.

"****"

OK, so if they're tracking us...and this ships like a maze...how good are you at giving directions...?

ERm... did I tell you that the room I am in is in the centre of the ship and is spinning round and round and round and round and round...

I take it then that you have no idea...

Oh well...can you see us...?

Yes - tell him to stop pulling that face, I feel sick enough as it is.

*Looks around*

So. A maze of twisty passages all alike, eh? Lemme try a few things.

*Spreads hands dramatically*

XYZZY!!!

*Nothing happens*

PLUGH!!!

*Still nothing*

PLOVER!!!

*Natta*

Y2?

*Nope*

Hello Sailor?

*Nothing Happens Here*

Hmmm. This maze is pretty tricky after all. Wait! BB's in the center of the ship, right? So, if this ship has artificial gravity, that means nothing to me, except that we eat inwards. If this is a spinning ship, eat downwards. Go!

*Begins taking slices of pizza with light sabre and elvish sword*