h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, if they're okay then we'll probably hear some big news as soon as they can get back to us.

As for Elvis and this Col., Lil, I'm not sure how they fit in. However, a voice on the radio mentioned something about absorbing forms of life with the monolith and fitting them in somewhere in this world, or something. If that is the case, the Althian ship may have been heading through our Solar System with the monolith in tow, along with Elvis, the Colonel, and who knows how many other missing persons, whose various personalities and lives have been transformed into a piece of this huge puzzle.

Or, pehaps the aliens who are behind this entire thing have been sending various celebrities and famous people to Earth for quite some time, and this is just where some of them "hang out" to pass the time until they need to be used again. That would explain GL's Arthur C. Clarke and Douglas Adams references that I don't know about yet.

Then again, it could be that these celebrities are being controlled by an outside force, or that all this time spent in an alien environment has warped their personalities to mere shadows of what they once were (Elvis remaining fairly unnafected due to a lack of good musicians around the galaxy, thus providing excellent working oppertunities for him).

Or, it could be something even more strange, or less so. It could be as simple as us stepping into a strange version of Earth many years ago, or it could be as complex as the formulae that account for the holistic natures of supermassive black holes and the other dimensions that lie through them.

*Finishes working on the droids. Affy pulls out four small devices and clips them to the frozen robots. They begin to glow red*

Anti-Snowzar Pads. These robots should be fully functioning in about five minutes, and the pads will vaporize, leaving little to no evidence of the tampering.

Let's go join GL and Yx then. Lead on!

[YK] Great. YQ and GL are ... are ... Where are they?

Oh, that's easy. They're,....

*Two seconds pass*


GL, where are you exactly? Any way that Lil, YK, and myself can meet up with you? Oh, and while we're at it, Minos make sure that nothing happens to that ship. It's our only ticket out of here, unless we want to march across miles of desert.

*a look of distaste flickers across Lil's features at the mention of the Krylma Leader*

Affi, I've just remembered something. Elvis said if I ever wanted to contact him I should use this. *lifts the bejewelled yin-yang medallion from around her neck* But I don't remember which jewel I'm supposed to press, and I don't know whether the other jewel does anything.

And, rather impossibly I'm afraid, I still have this too. *dangles a pair of fuzzy dice*

We're in one of the lower levels, I think, because it was a long trip down from the lobby level. Lil was almost here when she asked to go to the powder room. If she can find her way to that point, then we'll hear you and show you what we have found.


*GL touches the green spot on the wall, and the previous text fades out and new text fades in. GL reads it with little difficulty, now almost fluent in Standard Galactic Alphabet.

"Operative Adams highly successful but tiring. Approval given for him to collaborate on a software game project. Operative reports steady progress for about 20 years. Earth appears ready for Phase III. Operative informed and begins preparation for Phase III using planet-wide communications network. Operative reports suitable specimens have been attracted to his 'web site'. Operative withdrawn."

GL sits in stunned silence.*

[YQ] ......

*KL, meanwhile, is heading outside, carrying The Goldfish's fishbowl*

Definitely an interesting place. Tell me, what was your impression of the structure of this city?

*A telepathic message is sent*

I thought so as well, however,....

*KL stops in mid-sentance, and stares up at the sky that can now be clearly seen, without any crystal obscuring the way. Hanging in the sky is a patch of darkness, around which clouds seem to be circling. This continues until some of the clouds break apart, and enter the darkness. They vanish without a trace*


Everyone, we have a situation. It seems this test has a time limit.

(Ch. A [Ring Message]) YK transmits: "Wonderful. NOW what're we gonna do??"

(Ch. A [Ring Message]) YQ transmits: "What's the nature of the time limit, KL?"

*goes pale and is speechless. She has always preferred more gentle adventures*

(Ch. A [Ring Message]) YC transmits, "Dammit, I wanted this to be just an archaeological dig, and now it's turning into a saving-the-galaxy effort! Couldn't we have gone on an adventure that started out that way??"

(Ch. D [CHOPPERS/Donut Federation]) Link transmits, "YC, if you don't like it, you can disconnect, but IC, we don't have much of a choice. Besides, the OmegaMatic thing ought to keep you satisfied OOCly."


This is set before the OmegaMatic, remember.

Yes, it started before the OmegaMatic, but time does funny things and we could very well have caught up with the present.

*GL comes out of his shock and hits the Green spot on the wall again. The writing fades from the wall and new writing fades in. GL begins to read:

Phase III preparations completed. Test of Light chosen. First test scheduled for...

GL looks away as KL's ring message comes through.*

I think we had better find our way out of here, YQ. That sounded serious. Perhaps we'll get back here sometime and read some more, but for now, I think I have a good idea what is going on here. Lets go.

*GL exits the room and heads down the hallway in the direction that Lil had been taken. He passes a cross-hallway and looks down it. About half-way down, 4 robots are sitting on the floor, playing cards. They grin and wave when they notice GL and YQ go by. *

*Affy darts outside to get a good look, and runs back*

Okay, apparently the time limit is of the big and lumbering, yet slow and malevolent type. Judging from the look of it, I'd say that there's no imediate danger. We could be here for weeks without it doing anything to us, but I wouldn't want to chance it.

Is the effect specific to this particular place or just the whole universe?

[YK] Frankly, I don't want to chance /that/, either!

Affy, we simulposted here yesterday too. Don't miss my post above yours.

*GL finds a spiral staircase and starts ascending. He climbs a long way without finding any exits.*

Gee, YQ, I sure hope this leads somewhere useful.

[YQ] I hope it leads us to where Lil, YK, Affy, and whoever else we run into are!

[They round a corner and there they are.]

[YK and YQ] [in stereo] Ah, there you are.

*making it surroundsound*

Ah, there you are!

*looks around at her fellow travellers*

Now if I understand this right, we're in some sort of crystalline city whose space-time continuum is in serious, albeit not immediate jeopardy. Doesn't anybody else have a wish to be somewhere else? I mean, have we had a good time since we got here?

I was having a good time on Grace. We should steal her. That's what one does with top-of-the-line infinite improbability drive runabouts, isn't it? If we stole Grace, we could get back to what we were originally doing, which was looking for treasure on the Althian space ship, what Elvis was calling his luggage. We would probably find Ampton and Witty Moniker and Uncle Heavy there.

*a look of awe comes over her face* I've just had an epiphany! I am psychologically perfect to always play the Arthur Dent type role in adventures. I enjoy interesting travel, but I just can't get the hang of jeopardy.

Well, as I was saying. What benefit is there in sticking around here?

*reflects a moment*

Of course, if you insist on going forward into unknown dangers, I have plenty of plastic explosives in my handbag.

I like that last bit!


[YK] Lil, I think we actually need to /stop/ whatever's going on, so it doesn't take the rest of the Universe, or at least the Solar System, with it.

*Meanwhile, Minos is staring to the southwest through his binoculars*

Hmmm,....interesting....