h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hmmmm sounds like someone is just a wee bit jealous because then can't go to Disneyland?

(a) I do NOT live close to any theme park.
(b) I do NOT own a handgun.
(c) I do not eat any of the foods you described.
(d) I did buy a car and am still paying for it.
(e) I've NEVER been on a game show.
(f) I don't have ANY knowledge of whipped cream bikinis.
(f) Have NEVER worn polyester.
(g) Have NEVER worn an animal suit of ANY kind.
(h) My entire LIFE is one huge ever-expanding noxious ball of Irony AND Sarcasm.

Hence?

I am an American. Your statment does not apply in any way to me or my life. Ergo your full of fish and chips.

;D

http://2ten.com

An American Art Gallery and Poetry Group

And I'm still learning the alphabet.

http://2ten.com

Ergo?, Ergo is a word reserved for people that enjoy beating other unsuspecting folk over the head with interlectual hammers. Other common strings to such a persons vocalulary are C'est la vie, Quantum Therum and Permafrost.

You sir are quite obviously NOT full of fish & chips, and deep down I believe this could be your problem - How ironic that the great nation that you belong to has flooded our green and pleasant shores with untold quantities of fast food (maximus velocity gluton - for those that prefer latin!) but still the humble chip shop remains, and to make the point worse, you can't get any fish & chips in the great USA. My point is, and there is a point to this....I think.... is that you, like all other Americans (WARNING...CULTURAL BROADSTROKE STATEMENT) are green with envy at the British! (You see, I could have used ergo in the above statement but I refrained. Please notice how your IQ is not throbbing from a swift blow to the head, but I suspect that your blood is however boiling from the crazy ramblings of a pontificating Brit!

I also abjure the laundry list of purportedly Yankish preferences, but confess that I'm unnaturally fond of aerosol cheese, which I find to be a suitable substitute for whipped cream swimwear, in a pinch.

I happen to enjoy living in Chicago, USA. That is the first time I have ever heard anyone jump to the conclusion that because a person questions the box they have been shoved into that automatically means they are jealous of an entire country. I have found that wherever you travel in this world you will find disgusting behaviour, selfishness, mean and distructive behaviour, and vast rudeness. I also find that you can find delightful people, kindness, helpfullness, openmindedness, and joy.

In my opinion, jerks are jerks no matter where they live. I am not jealous of you, I believe you are a pretentious and sorry person based upon the tone of your last post and your unwillingness to believe that the rest of the world is not particularly impressed with you, nor do they wish to be you. So in my opinion, you are a jerk no matter where you live or where you're from.

Of course, perhaps you were having a bad day.

Post Script: My favorite argument against America so far is "Your country makes blanket statements about other countries." Just a tad hypocritical, don't you think?

Ms. KL,
In an excess of charitability, I will presume that your remarks were neither directed toward me, nor aerosol cheese.

Dear USP,

Not at all. I was writing while you were posting, apparently. I wish only the best to both you and any arasol cheese you may aquire. Happy knoshing!

acutally I am not a sir.

;D

Oh posh, this person cannot be bothered with little niggling things like facts! He/she is entirely too busy adjusting the world to fit into a convenient, bite-sized chunk of information his/her brain can process with as little effort as possible. Don't bother him/her with formalities. It's rude.

My My it looks like one of my 36 alter ego's has got someone's back up!
Yes I'm afraid that I'm not only a cultural bigot but, you guessed it, I'm also a dreadful coward who has to hide behind mulitiple personalities in order to post a reply.

I hear by appologise for any offence my posting may have caused. I retract the use of Sir and replace it with Sir/Madam, and further inform you that I cannot live with the guilt of my actions. It is for this reason that I now blow my brains out. The only trouble is I haven't figured out how to remove the safety off this bloody gun. Perhaps there is a helpful American out there that can point me in the right direction, seeing as you all own one of these things..... hold on.... I think I've figured it out.... ah that's it, now I just pull the trig.........................

I eat fish & chips all the time.

I live in California.

I don't think you're nearly as interested in fish & chips as you profess if you were unable to procure any.

^-.-^

You may not have all these qualities, but I'll bet my fortune you know at least one person with more than one of the essential qualities.
p.s. what is the American Dream? are there naked women in it. I know that there are in the American reality
p.p.s. EVERYBODIES life is an ever expanding ball of Irony AND sarcasm, this IS the ,90s (soon to become the oo's)

Tris Copeland

Bear in mind that I live in a ridiculously small town in a ridiculously quiet, and horribly, horribly QUAINT part of 'merry' old f*cking England. SHREWSBURY I HATE YOU!!!!!!

...............still the pubs are nice!

AND YOU LOVE THEM DON'T YOU, it's obvious to me that the fish and chips you've eaten have entered your metabolism and upgraded your intelligence from beach bum to British Bulldog yob.
don't be offended it's a wonderful state to be in....
ENGLAND ENGLAND MAN UNITED, POOFS AND GIRLS!!!!!

you wouldn't understand, never mind

yours gratefully

Tris Copeland, Shrewsury, Salop, England, Britain, europe,etc...

Why does California have to equal beach bum?
Most of the state is actually forest, mountain, and desert.
When I was young, I lived on a ranch.

As for intelligence, I've tested at IQ 130+ since I was old enough to be tested.

And weren't The British Bulldogs a WWF pro wrestling tag team in the early '90s?

^-.-^

Ah the pubs of Shrewsbury, The Hole in the Wall, LLoyd's, The Fridge, all but a distant memory - Do you by any chance remember a local band called Trade Mark, circa 1988-1992, what ever happened to them?

Oh you pontificating brits! How I love to hear you ooze the sarcasm while
trying desparately not to look anyone in the eye! You do make the best beer
in the world i will give you that. Fact is, if we could just put the 2 countries
together, leaving out the fast food and guns from here, and the being afraid to
talk to each other from over there, with quite a few other things i'm sure we could
think of, we could make one damn good country! As it is, both are flawed and ohhh so
very human.

But surely to God you have done at least two of the things that make America great.....you have been to an outlet mall and at least have SEEN Yoohoo, if not ingested it.

American: to be an American, one must perform the following, or at least in this thread:
* Be unable to use your/you're/yore correctly.
* Act defensive and offensive in the same sentence.
* Use absurd emoticons that you probably also have on a shirt somewhere.
* Have no clue what a Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale means in the context of life.
* Love your beer ice cold, your women hot!, and your fish and chips with salsa or guacamole.
* Have a deep Music collection that reads: A is for Abdul, Paula. B is for Britany, Spears. C is for Celine! and so on...
* Jump out of bed for your Morning Zoo so you can listen to those crazy guys like Mark & Brian, or The Animal, or some other inane Stern wannabe. Make sure you get the bumper sticker so you can win that trip to Disney, or listen at 7:20 every Thursday to see if you've won a chance to see Dave Matthews at Red Rocks!
* Laugh, and only laugh at the Simpsons.

Oh, we Yanks get what we deserve. Dr. Laura, Judge Judy and Springer are the new trinity. WWF. Bad radio. However there are some divine beers and cheeses and breads and bookstores (remember them?), but most people wouldn't know what to do with any of them...
This Bear has eaten some bitter, bitter berries.

no sense of humour either.
or is that humour from a colourful neighbour in a polyester artificial leopardskin outfit with cats eye glasses?