h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Irv is standing behind the Infinite Improbability Espresso Machine (IIEM) fiddling with dials and filters, examining the interior workings. He clicks a few things into place, and there is a slight, almost inaudible whirring noise, followed by a pur, and then a hum, and then the sort of silence that lets you know there is a machine working perfectly and soundlessly somewhere nearby. Ook is in the corner, having grabbed Irv's IIEM toolbox, he is trying to make sense of the hammer. He appears dimly aware of the fact that mastering this tool might be the key to getting rid of the cleaning bot for good, but he is holding it by the wrong end, and hasn't found the nails yet. Irv punches a button on the IIEM, and speaks loudly and clearly*

Large skinny double latté for here.

*A large hot bevarage appears. Irv drinks, and seems to be pleased. He then speaks again*

Venti Mocha Frappuccino.

*The IIEM beeps annoyedly, and sprays steaming water at Irv's face. Irv ducks just in time.*

Nope, looks like it will never, under any circumstances, take orders issued in "Starbuckeese".

*Irv spots his first customer*

Oh, good morning! What'll it be? The IIEM can serve any non-alcoholic beverage, hot or cold, day or night, with or without me standing here. Which, I suppose is the reason this café is still standing here, despite my long absence. We're just waiting on a fresh batch of bakery, and then we'll have all the usuall stuff!

Good morning! A nice and neat one it is!
Do you still have Mog's Usual in the list?

Good morning!

Caramel latte extra hot please

*serves caramel latte extra hot* There you are...

Now, Mog's usual? Hmmm... I have Affy's "the Usual" here... but I'm not sure it's what you want... And I'm not sure where the brass band is, at the moment. Remind me about the drink?

. ... .shambles in, a scrabble board under one long arm, looks around then tentatively approaches the counter. .. .


ook? A536492

Mog's Usual is a triple espresso with an extra shot of espresso, and a shot of espresso on the side (with an extra shot of espresso). Usually followed by "Make it strong this time!"

*fills with banana purée* Will that be all?

ook!

. ...takes the banana puree drinky and wends his loping way back to a table near the wall where he sets it down carefully, squats on the chair, takes a sip, murmers in satisfaction and starts to set the scrabble board up. ... .


ook ook

Oh, I remember that one, now. Try this:

*Takes out large twirls around various coffee-making implements. Pours a quadruple into the , adds a double on top of that, and serves up with a single on the side. Takes out a grinder, pours in an ounce of chocolate covered espresso beans, grinds them up, and shakes them out over the drink as a garnish*

That sidecar is a little weaker than usual, but the drink itself has been kicked up a notch (I've been watching Emeril). If it doesn't do it for you, I'll make it the old way. Or IIEM will. Youre up now because it's midnight here, and I have to be at work in 9 hours.

Good night!

*sips*



That'll do, Irv, that'll do..

*sips*

*looks arojnd to see if he can spot the fashion the Irv arrived after*

I'll try one of those to the Nth thingies as well methinks What was it I was supposed to utter to the IIEM to have it manufactured?

*falls almost asleep. head sideways on the bar*

IIEM, a té freddo with a fresh squeeze of lemon, please!

[IIEM]: Coming right up!

IIEM, I'll have a mog's please. Better make it extra strongthis morning.

This is so nice, this is.

We seem to have most awful weather. There are thunderstorms lurking around by they seem to miss my hometown. However, it's hot (27C) and humid (80+%). Sort of under cloud weather. Humitity makes it unbearable.



I think I'll move to the cellar.

*starts to pack books and torches*

Um... did the IIEM just... say something???

Yes, it talks now - I might be wrong, but I think it was a CLI improvement...

Ah. Gottcha. Haven't actually seen Affy around since I've been back. Nor GL. Do they still check in occasionally?

Occasionally is the key word, I'd say - although it's been a while since the last occasion, at least when it comes to GL. I think Affy is on some kind of expedition (<./>F28202?thread=3316978&latest=1</.&gt

He does know that we deliver, right?

Just to be clear (since it was mentioned earlier) the fashion I've arrived after was the one that had all the college women wearing those silly, over-pleated, multi-length skirts a year or so ago. I just couldn't return until after that fad had passed.