h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And so begins another new thread...


I'm listening.

dear mister dreadful

i love this guy called albert...truly madly deeply
but he dont even know i exist..
do scots men like pirate wenches atall?

what about tinned cabbage?

aye be determined to get them pirates on some proper iron

dear mr dreadful


why the change of thread?

Dear Aye Be,

Scots like all kinds of wenches, just wear a bit of tartan and he's yours!

Tinned cabbage should be fine onboard ship.

Dear Hnicky,

Why not?

Real answer: I've decided to keep each thread down to around 300 posts for ease of management and so I can keep making up cool titles for them.

sorry mister, can i push in there?

thanks
i just wanted to reply to an earlier posting by jazzhag on thread two

thanks for the advice....i did wonder bout the suspender belt theory

i've opted for the tanned look a-la marmite before...
hence the term dog-rough... i wont go into it...suffice it to say that great danes love marmite.....oh lord....i'm crying again..

i promise never ever to wear support tights

i have it on good authority from a member of the 'were from mars' part of the race that wobbly bits are actually quite attractive, but depends on the size and location of same... a friend once remarked that it didn't matter what she wore, ever, as long as her mammories and back bottom (not sure if you're allowed to say t!ts and ass on here) were suitably visable..

would be helpful to get comments from the mars brigade tho

aye bee...

Dear Mr D


Congratualtions on the 3rd thread, they say good things come in threes, 3 wise men, 3 steps to heaven, 3 of a kind, 3 times a lady and now this.

On the subject of the Ayee Bee askin a question can I just say that wobbly bits of the Venus Brigade are a damn site more attractive thean those of the Mars brigade, I know this as I have never found myself looking at Mars brigade bits at anytime.

Am I missing something by excluding them?

Dai

you've obviously never met my albert

ooooo that kilt

Is that Prince Albert?

Dear Mr Dreadful,

I've been going frantic looking for you, I looked in all the old places, has Dreadful bin in? NO, oh sorry. So anyway there you are.

I'm being pestered by some oirash totty wearing a big hat and not much more, banging on about tartan and kilts and what's on underneath. Very nice I'm sure but not for me dear, can you get mules in pink tartan, I think not. The closest I've ever got to a sporran was when I tried to slip a ferret into Mad Uncle McRoss's. I'd been sent ooop tay Jockland to straighten me out. Hmm, anyway I digress, could you please ask the oirash totty to do something useful like sending me a file in a cake.

Albert Ross Esq.,
CDM, VD and SCAR
HM Prison
Belmarsh

Dear Albert...
still love ya.. mules or no

sorry to hear you're still banged up

i've baked a lovely cake fer ya.. all sorts in it..file, calculater, 2 biros , stapler and a packet of paperclips

i'll be up tae see ya

hope this is ok

aye be gutted scots dinna want me

Dear Mrs AYEE BEEE,

Tha warders said thank you very much for the cake. They want to know how to play the thing with the numbers on and the staple gun will be handy for attaching inmates to their bunks. I am wearing the biros up my nostrils.

Mad Uncle McRoss lives in a cave just up from Fogieloan. He never looks a gift horse in the mouth. It's snowing there so wear something warm.

Albert Ross
VD, CDM and SCAR

Dear Mr. Ross,

"He never looks a gift horse in the mouth"
I should think so too... vicious buggers these gift horses and they consider it a great insult if you look them in the mouth.

Dear Mr Dreadful

After a weekend of riotous debauchery, DIY, and choosing soft furnishings I find it impossible to get back to w**k.

Can you suggest any ideas which may help me in this difficult area?

Dai

Dear Dai,

I can sympathise with you as I myself have had a weekend of hot steamy chucking-things-I-don't-need-anymore and filthy nasty putting-things-in-boxes-ready-for-moving-house.

I would recommend a nice cup of tea and maybe a biscuit while posting to h2g2, try not to think about DIY as you may get yourself all flustered and excited.

Dear Mr D

I can totally relate with the putting stuff in boxes scenario having just moved into this place and thats the problem with the DIY. I'm still living out of boxes and can't find the t bags, soap or my underwear.

Should I have coffee instead?

Dai

Dear Dai,

Yeah, why not?

i've just finished changing the spare, adjusting the brakes and replacing the bearings my current automobile, and thought i was on a winner for the MOT

but i find my big end is not what it should be and i'm wondering could anyone advise me what would be the best course of action...

my sympathies to both u and dai on the 'i have too much stuff' front.
i also seem to have developed a penchent for clutter, and far from chucking stuff out or boxing stuff i find it has started to pile up in little 'mountains' in the middle of every room in my house, due to botched tidying efforts..

can you help me on that score too please...

i know..that's 2 problems , but it is monday, it is valentines day, and i am faced with the absolutely horrendous task of choosing between flying to barbados with my lover for a couple of days of total debauchery, staying in and doing my hare..(wink wink)

what do you suggest.. (that's 3 problems...apologies again)

aye be perplex-ed

Dear Mr. Dreadful,

If an owl crashes into a tree in the forest but there's no-one there to hear it, does it blush anyway?

RF