h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My old friend from school (30+ years ago) is getting married in a few days. In recent years we haven't seen much of each other, mainly because I moved away from the city he lives in around 15 years ago, but also just because our lifestyles have diverged somewhat (ok, he has money- i don't- that changes a lot).

Anyway, bless him, he felt somewhat obliged to make me best man, especially as he was best man at my wedding 10 years ago. Of course in more recent times he has made new friends including one who, to use modern parlance, is his 'bestie'. So he felt he couldn't not make him best-man too. Yup, so the result is two best men

Now, you may be thinking this story is heading towards one of jealousy and resentment. But I can assure you, it aint. Quite the opposite actually. I'm really, really struggling to keep my part in his wedding higher on my agenda than typing this, walking the cat, eating breakfast, cleaning the bathroom ceiling, etc..

Thing is, the other best man has done absolutely everything. He has launched into his role with the gusto of a 50-year-old virgin being told that there's a fair maiden who fancies him rotten waiting in his bedroom. The stag-do was hugely over-the-top with a range of activitiies and accomodation booked, not once, but twice- yes two stag do's . He has been working on his speech with equal zeal; I keep getting shared-dropbox updates over the past 3 weeks; he's basically written a powerpoint storybook, complete with photoshopped photos of the groom. Essentially, the planning going into his role is puting Brexit planning to shame.

Early-on I stated that we coud alternate reading out slides, but today i told him it's his baby, his work, told in his voice and style- reading other people's scripts rarely goes well in my experience. I have written my own speach. It's two paragraphs with one photo.

In summary, there really is nothing else left for me to do, other than hand the groom the ring- the other best man is signing the register. Is it bad/wrong of me to feel so blase and disinterested in the whole thing? I really object to hugely over-planned self-indulgant weddings anyway, so perhaps this is part of the source of my indifference. Our own wedding was barely more than a registry office affair in terms of complexity and expense and my stag-do was a few drinks in the pub.

I totally get that it's the most important day in his life, but why-oh-why can't I make myself give a flying... ?

Not an easy situation, but what can you do? It's "their day" (bride and groom), and things should go their way. Even if much of it seems so over-the-top.

I have been required to do some things that just felt "not quite right", but I pasted on a happy smile and went through with it rather than really offend someone for no good reason, or making things more awkward than they already were. Maybe I just felt it was the thing a good man should do?

If nothing else, you can rest assured of a pretty fine meal and beverages.

I guess so. Thing is, i don't actually have much to do seen as bestman1 has done the lot. That's a major relief actually as all the groom would've got out of me is a night in a pub- my organisational and imagination skills don't go beyond that really.

In terms of the wedding itself, all I(I think) I have to do is not drop or lose the ring and mayb show some folk to their seats.

I do feel like a bit of a fraud though sitting at the top table, when I've done f'-all

I don't think it takes much to put brexit planning to shame.

The planning of Brexit is not really the issue, it's getting the damn tories to even agree to disagree. I don't think they are capable of even putting a proposal together without the other half refusing to cooperate. I have stopped caring - which is a bit worrying as it's ing important.
Of course the opposition are also tearing themselves apart currently also.

Back to the OT - I think someone said it earlier, but this is not about you - it's their day. Best man's main responsibility these days seems to organise the epic three week holiday in Timbuktu that is the 'stag do' - that's done. Rest is to at least be respectful of the remaining tasks.
But then the groom should know you so they do get what they've chosen. Seems like you're on the right track to me. With that as the other half of the best man pairing I wouldn't sweat it as you'll end up trying to outcompete each other as 'best' best man - which is not what the day is about.

Ha, no danger of that. I know some personality types would see it as a competitive thing- not me. I don't have a competitive bone in my body. From the offset I've been more than happy to let the other best man go to whatever extreme measures he wants to (and he has) and I've just nodded and smiled (whilst internally )

Of course I'll be outwardly respectful at all times. Internally though i'll be nodding my head and wishing the time away till I can be relieved of my official 'duties'.

This is the first time I've heard of having two best men...

It happens in American sit-coms all the time. The results are universally disastrous.

I stopped watching sit-coms around the time of Y2K

"Earthman," he said, "it is sometimes hard to follow your mode of speech. Remember I have been asleep inside this planet of Magrathea for five million years and know little of these early sixties sitcoms of which you speak."

My cousin's groom at her wedding last year had two best men - it worked just fine. TV dramas kind of need drama- when has a wedding on TV ever gone well....?

I've just got married - I had four best men, as I have two brothers and two best friends and I shared out various duties. If I had one brother or one best friend, I'd have had one best man. Probably. To be honest, two of them did very little in terms of organisational and ceremonial duties. One did the speech, another looked after the rings.

However... I think doing stuff is only part of the role. I'd say the main thing is being there. I find it odd that given that stereotypical male friendship patterns are about a group of friends, I find the 'one best man' tradition odd.

One of my friends is someone I went to school with, a long time ago. We live in different cities and we probably see each other maybe four or five times a year. And pick up more or less where we left off. I asked him not because I wanted him to do anything in particular, but because he's my oldest friend. Asking him was as much about the past than about the present and the future. Given various factors which I won't go into here (but including not knowing many of my other friends) I didn't expect much from him in terms of doing stuff. In many ways - given that we've been friends since we were 12 - he's more than done his share already.

I think it sounds brilliant that there's a co-best man who loves it and is doing everything, and it's great that you're not trying to compete and that he doesn't mind. But I suspect that you're co-best man as a lifetime contribution award - not because of your stag-throwing abilities, and not just as a reciprocal gesture because he was your best man.

Well said, Otto.

OK I have to admit that your post Otto was pretty much spot-on and I have been being rather mean-spirited.

The wedding is now over and my part went well and everyone present seemed to appreciate what I was doing there. The groom seemed genuinely pleased with my (minimal) contribution, stating on more than one occasion that my choice of best man was indeed, to use Oto's words, a "lifetime contribution award".

Minimalism has its good points.

Good to hear Winnoch, got to admit, none of the rest of us really needed to say anything as Otto blew us all out of the water.

Really glad to hear it went well. I wouldn't say you came over as mean spirited, and I can understand why it felt a bit odd being a co-best man but not having much (anything) to do.

Not having much to do would not bother me.