h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have a dilemma that I've been mulling over for more than a year. Perhaps someone could help me resolve it.

I would like to buy a painting.

A very dear friend of mine passed away last year. We had worked together for many years, and remained friends after he retired. In his spare time, and after he retired, he liked to paint. Over the years I saw pictures of many of his pieces. I always wanted to ask if I could buy one of them, but I never did. There just never seemed to be the right time. I felt awkward about it.

His family displayed many of his paintings at his service, and I began wondering how I might eventually (obviously not right then and there) approach his wife about selling one. I mulled it over the next few months and never reached a decision. He passed in July, and at Christmas his wife sent me a Christmas card - I had sent them one for several years - with a little message inquiring about how the rest of the year had gone. (On a side note, at the time he passed I had been laid off from work and my husband was going through chemotherapy, thus her inquiry). Since I was working again I wondered if I might ask about a painting, but since it was Christmas I didn't want to seem opportunist, and thought I'd wait until after the new year.

The new year has come and is going, and still I haven't asked. I don't know the best way to approach her out of the blue, and... well, I don't know what else is keeping me. Maybe too much time has passed now. For all I know, the paintings have all gone to kids and grandkids and neices and nephews... Or maybe they're all sitting in a back room and she doesn't know what to do with them.

And still, I'd like a painting. And a part of me knows that obviously I will never have one if I can't ask. But I don't want to be rude or presumptuous.

It's been a year and a half. Has it been too long? Should I just get over it and call her and ask? Should I let it go?

Call. Talk lots about her husband. Say how great you thought the paintings were at the memorial service and then ask if there's one you could buy. Don't come straight out with it and don't be too disappointed if they've all gone. You still have the memory.
You won't get one if you don't ask, and no, it's not too late. People like taking about their loved ones years on.

Good advice Wand'rin star, was he good enough to be commercial, if so google his work some paintings might be on the open market. Good luck in your quest.

I can't think of *anything* more flattering to his memory than to ask how to obtain one of his paintings. I'm guessing that his widow will be *thrilled* to know that you loved his paintings enough to get one.

Am I right in assuming that you want an original rather than a reproduction?

Just say:

"If you ever feel like parting with a painting, I'd dearly love to buy one."

I'd add one other thing... If the wife turns round and says "Oh, you don't have to buy one, just come round and I'll give you one"... Given the circumstances it might be nice to respond with "OK, but what was his favourite charity then - I'll give a donation to them instead".

Well, you've bolstered my resolve if nothing else!

I would definitely be after an original, paul. It was just a hobby for him, so there aren't prints. So also, no commercial outlet options, bob.

I have considered the possibility that she wouldn't let me pay for one - if one exists - just as I had considered that HE wouldn't have let me pay for one if I'd ever asked him. The charity idea is a good one

Speaking as someone who lost her husband some years ago, I would say there's no way she'd consider you to be rude or presumptuous. She'll probably be delighted that her husband's talent touched you to the extent you'd want to spend money on it.

You should definitely ask.

Deb