h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Or put another way, what's your favourite quote by a fictional person?

I'm leaning towards seeking the punchy and profound - something that, when you read it, made you think, "Ooh, yeah!" only to find that the quote was perhaps slightly devalued when you found out it wasn't from a real person.

My favorite is:

"To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

Spoken by Lady Bracknell in Oscar Wilde's "The importance of being Earnest."

I just quoted Homer Simpson in another place: "Trying is the first step towards failure."

I'm sure I'll come across a couple soon, as I'm ploughing through Dickens. In the meantime, I could mention loads of hilarious one-liners from Jilly Cooper novels of the 80s/90s.

'Not that anyone cares what I say, but the restaurant is at the *other* end of the Universe.'

PP.

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

“May your beer be laid under an enchantment of surpassing excellence for seven years!”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

"When you rule out the impossible what's left, how improbable it may seem, must be the truth." - Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock's remark is nonsense, of course. Because you can rule out the impossible and be left with a lot of improbable things which aren't true.

And also because the answer often appears impossible at first sight, so it would be ruled out.

I don't have time to ponder Holmes's advice because I'm trying not to be careless about my one remaining parent.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

From Pride & Prejudice. Maybe not the best, but it has a wonderful truth about it. Totally non-PC these days of course....

Henry V's 'Feast of Crispian' speech (too long to reproduce here).

It' also a great opening line, as is "it was the best of times. It was the worst of time," or "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Even if nobody bothers to read past page one, you have a hook that is pure gold for impressing people with your erudition.

Sadly, last lines are so often overlooked, as not everyone reads to the end of books. Here are some last lines:

"He loved Big brother."

"'Tomorrow you go back,' the boy says, and Vishnu hears the notes start up again."

"Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

" For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate."

"Then he went over and sat down on the unoccupied twin bed, looked at the girl, aimed the pistol, and fired a bullet through his right temple."

‘It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.’

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Great final lines is a good idea.

How about:

"Oh Auntie Em, there's no place like home"

"You finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

"That’ll do, pig. That’ll do."


Name the films

Three of my favourites!

'They're not the kinda guys who write letters.'

Jake Blues - Blues Brothers.

Sums up a whole social group in a few words.

PP.

Khal Drogo's Ponytail, great final lines is good, but can you start another thread for that one please?

"Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"

This is a very heartfelt one around about September until the 25 December.

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer