h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have just watched a documentary on channel 4, about a woman who died and no one noticed for 3 years. I have a pathological fear of dying alone and being eaten by my pet cats. I have no idea where this comes from.

I'd be dead. Why would it matter?

It's not the actual dying alone - if I was to die in my sleep whilst in the house on my own that would be cool. But I hate the idea of no one noticing I'm gone.

Well surely someone would miss you?


I do recognise this as a legitimate concern though, as I have a horror of falling downstairs and being unconscious. Nobody would know and nobody would hear. In my case, I don't think anyone would miss me for at least three days. Or more.

Well, it tends to imply a lot about your life
prior before dying. It suggests a pretty hermetic end, without much friendship, human warmth or social contact. I think a lot if people would be put off by that, no?

Or, it could be the complete opposite KB


A person might so busy that neighbours and friends might not think anything is wrong until at least a few days have gone by.

Hmm, if that was a likely possibility, it wouldn't be long before you'd miss enough visitors or engagements or appointments to make alarm bells ring, though.

Friends might dither. Especially if a holiday was intended.

it's possible, yes.

I'm a bit scared of dying alone. I was happy that there was someone with my mother when she died. However awful nursing homes might be, there are routines that ensure a death would be noticed fairly soon.

Right now,I'm thinking about how important it is to really live while you can. I guess I'm having a Thoreau moment. My mother and grandmother had lengthy periods when it was an effort to do much. Ten or more years of sitting around doesn't seem that attractive to me. Not that being an octogenarian guarantees feebleness. I've known a few vigorous people in their 80s or even 90s. There was a retired minister on his 90s who walked constantly He lived in Massachusetts, but drove down to Florida
every winter. Alone. He died in his late nineties. Very well-liked.

>>..a pathological fear of dying alone and...
I have no idea where this comes from. <<

Uhm... you are a geriatrician are you not?
It would seem obvious that you are being
judged by the company you keep (alive).

Seriously, your empathy needs a new filter.

~jwf~

I would be less worried about dying alone myself (after all, as has been said, I would be dead) than I am about the fact that these people lay undiscovered for years. There was another case in Germany recently when the landlord discovered a tenant sitting in his basement, where he had been for the past three years. His rent had always been paid by standing order, but when the money dried up, he went round the house to have a look.

Apart from the fact that no one missed the chap, it seems odd that a landlord wouldn't visit his own property (or have it looked at - was there really no maintenance work due?) for over three years.

Surely people would come to read the meters? Did no one notice the post and newspapers piling up? In this day and age it must be almost impossible for this to happen. In the Olden Days, when people weren't so technically connected, or inundated with cold callers or any kind of junk mail, advertising, freebie newspapers etc., it is quite possible that people lay dead for weeks, months or years before anyone noticed. But nowadays? OK - we modern folks are notorious for keeping ourselves to ourselves and living without even knowing our neighbours, but nosey parkers have always existed, nowadays maybe even more than before.

Anyway - I shouldn't worry, Z, it is hardly likely to happen to you.

And if I'm not going to be on h2g2 for a day or so, I always leave a tag in my name telling people. Next time I shall put the exact date I am due back.

What other ways can people leave information that they are not in?

My mother has a neighbour who calls in daily, my sister calls in twice a week and both my sister and I phone at least twice a week. We have the neighbours' phone numbers if we are worried that we can't get hold of her for more than a couple of hours on the trot.

She almost always sits in the lounge, which has a huge French window at the back of the house which all visitors can see her through.

It is so sad when someone has no neighbours, friends or relatives who will call in and say hello every now and again.

It is an age old fear. In the past the ancients (invariably male kings of "civilised" societies) often had protocols to slaughter their wives, servant - slaves, and pets to accompany them when they passed off this mortal coil. I think rationalists have difficulty thinking about their own death, so it is best not too - think about life and support for when you are ill. Of course if you have dependents then their is life insurance etc to think about.

I think people who fear not being noticed after they have died, also have a fear (maybe partly buried) of not being noticed when they are alive. But what does it matter ... no-one ever takes notice of my comments

No pets, 2 exes, older sisters, so I should lie peacefully on the bathroom tiles until one of my children call and eventually find my body. Hopefully my best friend will then remove everything embarrassing from my laptop and life will go on for everyone else. I expect to be at least one good story that is told more than once.



SA- mine are usually ignored as well.

Well, I should be ok. After I'd been ill in the night and hadn't slept much, I lay in and hadn't opened my curtains by 11.45am. I woke to hear my elderly neighbour knocking on my door and calling my name as they'd been worried. Bless.

Deb

Just a quick note to SA and clz to say
that just because people don't comment
all the time does not mean that your
postings are ignored - rather perhaps
that what you have said is definitive
or telling or pithy or just plain old
true and uncontestable. If I am sat here
nodding in agreement you probably can't
see it from there - but I am nodding.
Now, if you'd said something dumb,
I'd be all over ya!

~jwf~

Curiously enuff, the idea of
being ignored in cyberspace is not that
far off the subject line.

And the fact that no one took exception,
argued against, or agreed to, my theory
that Dr Z's irrational fear is likely just a
professional hazard in the geriatric field
is a perfect example of how we all must
learn to deal with being 'ignored'.

[off topic] The treatment of geriatrics is a test for the modern society. Does the modern society pass?
In terms of finance the geriatrics have probably had the breaks with the ballooning of houses as financial assets when money simply appeared from nowhere (all property is theft should be the yoofs refrain). But what about how the geriatric is treated and how the geriatric is made to be part of the modern society (but not the M. Thatcher refrain: there's no such thing as society) [off topic]

but note the M Thatcher refrain ... corrigidendum ... the 'ere and ever errata

>>..treatment of geriatrics is a test for the modern society <<


In northern Canada it was (is) the practice of
nomadic aboriginals to allow the elderly to fall
and freeze to death when they cannot keep up.

Similar dismissals are also common in many less
resource-stressed cultures. The reverence for 'elders'
has 'natural' limits, beyond which a society endangers
itself to the sentimentalistic establishment of delusional
religions. (Classic chicken and egg situation.)

~jwf~

"Seriously, your empathy needs a new filter." [jwf]

I think you may be too hard on Z. He's trying to work things out, not just professionally, but in his own mind. If he has a lot of frail elderly patients, he may have too much empathy. It can't be easy to work with patients who are a few skipped heartbeats away from the grave. I read somewhere that doctors in training are always required to spend at least some time with elderly patients, because the care has to be so exacting. There is so little room for error. The flip side is that a lot can be learned that can be applied to younger, healthier patients.