h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My brother-in-law used to hunt. One time he caught a deer, and my mother made mincemeat out of the venison.

Hope it was dead, before she put it through the blender

It was quite dead. had already found another one to pull his sleigh.

Thanks, that’s reassuring to know that old Rudolph is safe and well.

It’s a good job that old is a veggie, other wise Rudolph and his mate would have been the wrong side of a crust, by now

You certainly would have heard coming if his sleigh was pulled by‘s, think of all the slates you’d loose or get broken if that lot landed on your roof

Santa might not eat deer, but that doesn't mean he has to be a vegetarian.

You’re right, there must be lots of under the ice, up at the North Pole.

Must be nice for , once a year, to call off and get a takeaway whilst delivering all those prezzies around the .

Bet he doesn’t tell Mrs though

Does an imaginary have to have an equally imaginary wife? Couldn't he be gay or part extraterrestrial? Or would this make him a bad role model for kids? As if he weren't already on thin ice because of his weight.

I remember reading about this,was blamed for contributing to the spread of obesity,as kids could consider it normal to be the size of a barrel and there were those who wanted him banned, never to appear on another christmas card again.

I suppose we should consider all marginal types and turn him into a ultra sterile entity so as not to offend anyone.

I quite like the current image of this ruddy,rotund chap who,s fond of his food, and enjoys coming home after a christmas shift to give his Mrs a good .

I'm just coming into my own as a potential Santa, and now they want to deprive me of the role of a lifetime?

Well the blighter is back, or is it another one, anyway, its eating my nuts and making a mess of my lawn.

My own garden squirrel has moved on to other things, last seen about a mile away, near the limits of a local state park.

Current garden scourge is a small bird species that descends on every green sprout, every seed, every fruit, strips fruiting melons of their leaves, and even devours tender young cactus pads, helping to keep the desert barren.

Worse than pocket gophers.

As yet unidentified, I've plans to capture some alive for identification purposes.

I see squirrels once in a while. A dew nighyts afo I saw a small brown rabbit on my neighbor's front walk.

Nothings moving out there, it’s too coldand the is everywhere, everything’s got a good foot of the stuff on it.
Even the bird feeders are not being touched.
Our feral cat called Splodge, we feed has become too lazy to even step out of the chalet I built for her, I have to wad through the snow each evening to give her, her tea, I made sure she had plenty of fresh, clean and cosy bedding in her chalet, she’s as snug as a bug in a rug, bless her. 

“Pocket gophers, As yet unidentified, I've plans to capture some alive for identification purposes.” hmmm! ITIWBS there’s nothing like a good mystery, best of luck

Nothings moving out there, it’s too cold and the is everywhere, everything’s got a good foot of the stuff on it.
Even the bird feeders are not being touched.
Our feral cat called Splodge, we feed has become too lazy to even step out of the chalet I built for her, I have to wad through the snow each evening to give her, her tea, I made sure she had plenty of fresh, clean and cosy bedding in her chalet, she’s as snug as a bug in a rug, bless her. 

“Pocket gophers, As yet unidentified, I've plans to capture some alive for identification purposes.” hmmm! ITIWBS there’s nothing like a good mystery, best of luck

You can say that again.

Actually, you *did* say that again!