A Conversation for Ask h2g2

Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 81

KB

You do *now*. smiley - laugh


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 82

Zappgirl

I think sex is something you should share with your partner...

The best way to have great sex with you partner is to share your fantasies and desires with them, so why not watch porn together? Show him/her what it is that turns you on. And invite it into your sex-life? If your partner does not like what you are watching then maybe you can try to find common grounds?

Sex is very important in a relationship, so dont screw around with it, get excited together!


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 83

Hoovooloo

@ post 50:

"one day I accidentally saw an image that he had downloaded. I have had quite a sheltered upbringing and I had never seen anything like it before. That image burned itself into my brain and I did indeed react like (and feel like) a cheated woman. Haircut, diet, makeover. More shagging, less nagging."

Mol - you are definitely a keeper! (Question: who can *rationally* defend reacting any other way?)

Also - are you *sure* it was an "accident"? smiley - winkeye Seems the outcome was pretty positive for both of you...


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 84

Sol

"Question: who can *rationally* defend reacting any other way?"

Well I dunno there is always, 'What, sheep are you _sure_?'


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 85

Mrs Zen

Surely erotica, at least, is about the erotic imagination. There's more to sex than the vinegar stroke and there's more to porn than satisfying sexual need. There's feeding the imagination. Think appetiser and amuses-bouches


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 86

Edward the Bonobo - Gone.

@mal:

>>because we don't even have a possessive apostrophe

See my link. Neither do we. Our apostrophes are an archaic typographic convention for elision with no grammatical function. We're lying when we teach children otherwise.

Nowadays the importance of teaching the correct use of apostrophes (and let me stress that I *do* agree it's important) is to stop pedants being snide.

smiley - smileysmiley - run


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 87

Edward the Bonobo - Gone.

@Zappgirl @Ben:

Lovely aspirations and all...but the reality is that sometimes it's just about knocking a quick one out.

Sex can and does aspire to higher things - but not always.


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 88

2legs - Hey, babe, take a walk on the wild side...

All sex, remember, happens in the Brain... It might not necessarily feel like it, but all the sensory inputs, weather tactile, visual, auditory, etc., ultimately coincide into hormonal chcanged in the body, during the stimulation, which has its affects apon the brain; Though often the affects on the brain, can themselves cause further changes in hormones, which, can, feedback to the brain, etc.... and the hormonal/neurological can itself alter the perceptions of the external stimuli.... Which is, of course, why its entirely possible, with practise to orgasm, without (male), climax, and indeed, without physical or external sensory stimuli... But males tend to be too obsessed by the penis, and, well I can't relaly speak for the female of the species smiley - blushsmiley - erm Porn, Is therefore I guess just an additional external stimuli, as, for some is the cane or paddle, or... etc... smiley - whistlesmiley - handcuffs
A partner looking at porn on their own, may, thereby indeed, be of use to a sexual encounter when the couple is together, as immages and sounds they've seen by watching porn, are going to be playing some role neurologically even when the encounter is taking place in the abscence of porn videos... Just as when one's involved in a sexual encounter with ones partner, previous physical experiance pays a role... which is why, of course, we become sexually arroused, just with the expectation of a sexual encounter smiley - ermsmiley - huhsmiley - weird I fear I may have moved off of whatever point it was that there was that I was there trying to arrive at smiley - huhsmiley - ermsmiley - dohsmiley - runsmiley - pony


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 89

Zappgirl

Edward the bonobo:

I dont believe its healthy for guys to "knock out a quick one" but I understand some people feel they "must" do it.

You would definently have a much better sex-life if you would stick it out and then pour all that energy into some action with your partner. Believe me, I am a girl, but I used to watch porn on my own, now I always include my man any time I feel the urge and we rarely watch porn anymore, we dont need it anymore smiley - winkeye


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 90

Edward the Bonobo - Gone.

I'd be genuinely interested to know why masturbation might be considered unhealthy. I can understand that some people might not like the idea of someone else doing it. I can also understand the extra sauce of holding back for the main event - good idea - whatever turns you on. But people - and circumstances - differ.

I'm not sure one should be too prescriptive about it. Diff'rent strokes...


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 91

Secretly Not Here Any More

"I'd be genuinely interested to know why masturbation might be considered unhealthy."

Well, there was that time an RSI-related wrist complaint ended my burgeoning tennis career...


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 92

Zappgirl

I was just saying it has made it more exciting for me to be with him. And he tells me he feels the same way. It has also brought us closer that we share everything about our sexual fantasies.

Also, there is also some level of shame about masturbation, maybe its very subtle for you if you feel comfortable about doing it. But usually there is probably some, especially if you hide it from your partner... if you actually have sex with your partner you will instead have a feeling of accomplishment maybe? smiley - smiley


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 93

Edward the Bonobo - Gone.

Possibly, Zapp, you're making what is a common assumption - that all sex lives and all relationships are the same. ('Happy families are all alike...etc. etc.') I would suggest that there's a wide human variety and all manner of relationships to be negotiated between couples. For that reason, I'm uncomfortable with the word 'unhealthy' which, to me, suggested a narrow prescriptive view of relationships.

I stress that I think that your advice is good. If it's what people want and if it works for them...excellent! However, human experience suggests that one size may not fit all.

For myself...neither am I suggesting masturbation to excess for all. However - I am reasonably sure that some couples manage to remain happy and have a fulfilled self life together while also masturbating separately and/or together.


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 94

Vip

Ed - yes. It's making sure that all parties are happy and comfortable that us the key, and sometimes some solo time is useful. Especially if your partner is away or unavailable - libidos do rust without use and sometimes masterbation (with our without porn) us a good way of keeping things going.

smiley - fairy


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 95

Mrs Zen

>> sometimes it's just about knocking a quick one out.

Oh, for sure, Ed. I know that, and that's ok.

Zappgirl, I don't completely agree with you. Sometimes people need their own space, and sometimes people just have urgent need. As Ed said, sometimes it's just about knocking out a quick one. Or they are away from home, or just bored.

But if someone *prefers* porn to their partner on a regular basis, and that certainly can happen, then there is something there that needs talking about.

I find most porn that I've seen rather dull. But maybe I'm just watching the wrong porn....

B


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 96

Z

Interesting (ish) factiod.

Henry VIII (he of the multiple wives) reported to his doctor that he suffered from wet dreams.

These occur if one does not masturbate.

Therefore had he been more willing to knock a quick one off would he have been compelled to marry Anne Boelyn?


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 97

Edward the Bonobo - Gone.

Well there's certainly a stunning variety available, and all for free. So I've heard. Obviously it's still all reasonably formulaic - but then it's porn, fer chrissakes.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm giving a blanket endorsement to porn. As well as being stuff that's to my taste and not to my taste...there's good porn and morally dubious porn.

Have I told the story about my encounter with a porn producer recently?


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 98

Hoovooloo

No. Do go on.


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 99

HonestIago

>>Also, there is also some level of shame about masturbation, maybe its very subtle for you if you feel comfortable about doing it<<

Why? Masturbation is about as close as we're ever going to get to an unqualified good. Provided you're considerate and don't leave puddles of spunk around it doesn't hurt anyone and if you're running the risk of RSI, just change your stroke pattern. The only shame comes from people telling us its shameful without ever saying why.

One ex of mine *loved* to masturbate, absolutely adored it. I enjoy a good one off the wrist (any bloke who says he doesn't is a liar or asexual) but this chap was in a different league and he'd do it when he was alone or when I was there - didn't matter to him. It didn't affect our relationship one bit: he just had a really high sex drive and I didn't care one way or the other. He always used to say that masturbating was junk food whereas sex with me was a meal at a restaurant: two totally different experiences and each enjoyable without diminishing the other.


Is watching Porn cheating on your partner?

Post 100

Edward the Bonobo - Gone.

Welll...

I was in Prague, at a conference. I took some colleagues for a tour ('cause I'd been before) and dinner. (coincidentally one of them, an Italian pinged me on LinkedIn this week). After dinner I hailed a taxi and piled them in and announced I was going to walk back to the hotel.

They were all 'What? Are you sure? But it's nightime!'

But I said 'Och - it's Prague. Perfectly safe.'

And off I set in vaguely the right direction. After about two blocks, I came across a tiny. tiny bar. 'This looks interesting' I thought, and went in, ordered a cold Budvar and sat at the bar. And then I noticed the cloud of smoke coming from the back room. And a pungent, herbal smell.

So I asked the barmaid 'Er...are people allowed to 'smoke' in here?'

'If Police come is your business' she snapped.

Which I took as a Yes. I'd flown via Amsterdam. smiley - smiley

Well one thing led to another. I got talking to some people. It was the 'end' of the Iraq war and I joined in a flaming, continental-style row with an American and Greek guy - all shouting and waving and 'Fancy another beer?' And then the American introduced me to his business partner, who was British (and tediously drunk). I talked to him a while and asked him what business they were in.

'Porn,' he said.

And he explained to me his business philosophy. Firstly, he said, he refuses to rip people off. The only contract they'll have is a four way profit split, him, his partner and 'the talent'. And he wouldn't ask anyone to do anything. They have to come to him.

'I hear you make porn'.

'Uh-huh'

'Well - I might be interested. What would I have to do?'

'Well - if you want I can film you fully clothed, smoking a cigarette. I could sell that.'

'Oh. Would there be much money in it?'

'Not really.'

'Well what if I...'

'Yes. There's be a bit more money in that.'

'And what if I...'

'Yup. More money there.'

Not *much* money, you understand. He was selling on via teh interwebs to Amsterdam, but there's so much porn around nowadays that the bottom's fallen out of the market. (ba-dam TISH!). Their main job was English teachers. He said that the previous night they'd met an American woman who was interested who was 'ugly as sin' - but she might make a bit of money for them. Specialist market.

He turned out to be a total dick, actually. Later he got in a fight with one of his techie contractors and was chucked out. But I bonded with his landlady over a shared love of Anthony Burgess and met up the previous night. I vaguely recall being in a bar with dollar bills and handguns on the table. She introduced me to a huge, affable Russian who spoke no English. 'This man is dangerous. He's the one who has permission to kill from the Mafia'.

Life's rich tapestry. smiley - smiley


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