h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I confess that when I saw the thread "Trial by h2g2 Jury", I thought we'd started a Gilbert and Sullivan society. I was heartened to think that we had stopped whingeing about how the site was run and started doing creative things, like staging 19th Century comic operettas.

OK, I was wrong.

But that doesn't mean we can't stage a comic opera. Feel free to add your contributions below. We'll need titles, characters, plots, scenery, stage directions and comic songs.

Blimey, this is a bit upmarket, isn't it?

I'd like to be the comic-relief (nearly always a fat little policeman) who does a jaunty little song about halfway through Act II to stop everyone getting bored.

B

There must be and à singing baker.

Scene: a messageboard courtroom, with members of the jury, defendant, prosecutor, counsels and public gallery

[Enter Moderator]

CHORUS

All hail, great Mod!
Your presence here
We treat like God
And raise a cheer.
All hail!

May each decision
That you make
Be not reversed
And no mistake.
All hail!

RECIT—MODERATOR

For these kind words, accept my thanks, I pray.
A Breach of House Rules we've to try to-day.
But firstly, consider the path that I have trod,
I'll tell you how I came to be a Mod.

ALL. He'll tell us how he came to be a Mod!
MODERATOR. I'll tell you how...
ALL. He'll tell us how...
MODERATOR. I'll tell you how...
ALL. He'll tell us how...
MODERATOR Let me speak...!
ALL. Let him speak!
MODERATOR. Let me speak!
ALL. (in a whisper). Let him speak!
He'll tell us how he came to be a Mod!

...

.... Sorry, but that's all I've got to say >>>

Now this is a good idea.

MOD: I am the hairy general of a sodden moderator.
CHORUS: He am de hairy general of a sodden moderator.



HtH

I am the very model of online encyclopedia
I've information on all sorts of things in lots of media
I know the King of Bomba and I quote the fights historical
From Wolfden to Arpeggio in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted too with matters of community
I understand you cannot moderate without immunity
To do so best the moderators must remain anonymous
And keep their counsel on their names if they are truly one of us
I'm very good with myths of old like Iliad and Odyssey
And also with attempts to prove how pointless is theodicy
In short in matters of all kinds to do with modern media
I am the very model of online encyclopedia.

Second verse on request.

(request logged)

I know our mythic history, of Rupert and of Mark Moxon
I remember when you had to survive something called single sign-on
I help to choose a laptop and advise when it is acting strange
At Halloween the letters of my name I choose to rearrange
I spot sockpuppets when they rear their heads in conversation threads
And tell you that it's Della when she tells me that I'll soon be dead
I have faith that nighthoover will return to claim his crown someday
And until that happens join in with the choruses of Lettuce Spray
I call Thursday Thing, love Stephen Fry and join in with NaNoWriMo
And read the Post and pooh-pooh ghosts and even give PR a go
In short in matter of all kinds to do with modern media
I am the very model of online encyclopedia.

SUB-EDITOR: When a scout is not engaged in his selection
ALL: His selection.
SUB-EDITOR: Of the finest entries found in Peer Review,
ALL: Peer Review.
SUB-EDITOR: And the editors then ask you for correction
ALL: For correction.
SUB-EDITOR: And it's clear that you've a lot of work to do.
ALL: Work to do.
SUB-EDITOR: Then your feelings you with difficulty smother
ALL: 'Culty smother
SUB-EDITOR: When volunteering duty's to be done.
ALL: To be done.
SUB-EDITOR: It's one blasted typo following another.
ALL: 'Wing another.
SUB-EDITOR: A Sub-editor's lot is not a happy one.
ALL: Ah, when volunteering duty's to be done, to be done,
A Sub-editor's lot is not a happy one, happy one.

Right. When you've written it all, you can each record your parts, and I'll put it together with unsuitable musical accompanyment as a podcast and... maybe if someone who does video stuff can we can get the action shots of you all and magically mix them into it

On a Peer Review forum a Preacher, the tit
Sang "Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo"
And I said to him, "Dicky-head, why do you sit
Singing 'Oh Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo'"
"Is it submission of articles with filthy content?
Or those forum wars so mal-evolent"
With a shake of his poor little head, the lament
"Oh Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo!"

He thumbed at Yikes, as he sat on that thread
Singing "Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo"
With cold disbelief at what he had said
"Oh Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo"
He sobbed and he sighed, and without a last blink
Then he threw himself onto the unsubscribe link
And an echo arose from the internet's sink
"Oh Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo!"

Now I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name
"Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo"
That 'twas rampant sarcasm that made him exclaim
"Oh Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo"
And if he remains callous and obdurate, I
Shall log out as he did, and you will know why
Though I realise his arrogant front is a lie
"Oh Hoo-oo, Hoovooloo, Hoovooloo"

This is pure poetry...

Okay, it's impure poetry. But as a lifelong G&S fan, I .

And continue ing, because my brain is not working today.

Three little mods from school are we
Pert as a hootooer well can be
Filled to the brim with agony
Three little mods from school


Nothing now, is a source of fun
Nobody's safe, for we care for none
Life is a joke that's just begun
Three little mods from school

Three little mods who, all unwary
Come from a ladies' seminary* yeah right
Freed from its genial tutelary
Three little mods from school
Three little mods from school

Everyone is so talented.These are really funny.

Are you allowed to say ladies' seminary on a family site?

I was moderated for making ejaculative references on the Anagram thread.

B

and all round

To rant, hurrah,
To rant, hurrah.


~ ~
HtH